Dance Your Way to God

Talks given from 28/7/76 to 20/8/76

Darshan Diary

CHAPTER 1

28 July 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin says: I’m not sure which direction to take – whether to go out more to people or to go inside myself more. I’m not sure which is best for my growth.

Osho checks his energy.]

Good, come back. The energy is really good.

You have to do both. Choosing won’t be good. These are not alternatives – whether one should go out, meet, mix with people, or should go in. Both are needed together. If you move towards one, you will become lopsided. So sometimes go out, mix with people, forget yourself. Then really go out.

And make it part of meditation that going out is good. Balance is needed; choice is not needed. All choice is wrong, because these are are not alternatives; they are complementaries. Together they make the whole, and together they make you holy and healthy. Together they will heal you.

[Osho went on to say that people who are like monks could not be whole and healthy because they were living just half lives, were rejecting life and other people.... ]

Even if they are silent, their silence is very poor. It is the silence of beggars. It is empty. It is simply negative. It is not a fulfillment, it is not a benediction. It is not an overflowing ecstasy. They cannot dance... they cannot sing.

And unless you can dance your way to god, you can never reach.

So this is what I would like to say to you: dance your way to god. And dance comes by balance. One cannot dance on one leg; both legs will be needed. And one cannot dance by choosing the inward or the outward, by becoming the introvert or the extrovert. Dance will need continuous coming and going. It is a movement. You have to reach others. And it is helpful; it is not contrary to meditation.

When you go to somebody and you are lost in the world, suddenly a need arises to be alone. It is an appetite. Then you come home and you sit alone, and now you can enjoy. Now this is not loneliness, this is aloneness. If you don’t go out and you sit there, it will be loneliness,. not aloneness, and there will be no appetite. You will be bored by it. It is as if one is full and still sitting at the table and trying to eat. It will create nausea. You need a few hours in which not to eat – six, seven or eight hours fasting – then suddenly you are hungry again.

So when you go into the world you become hungry for aloneness. It creates an appetite for meditation. When you are alone it creates an appetite for relationship. These are like two wings. No bird can fly with one wing, and no dancer can dance with only one leg.

So balance is my whole message, summum bonum. Always remember, never choose anything which is going to disrupt your balance. Do whatsoever can be done to bring more balance into your life. Whatsoever brings balance is good, healthy, and whatsoever makes you lopsided is unhealthy and dangerous. So sometimes go out and enjoy it. Don t go reluctantly. Don’t go because I am saying. Go in deep delight because outside god is also waiting for you in so many forms.

Find, search for him there also. And when you are tired of the outside and tired of relationship, tired of people, come home,.close your eyes, sit alone, meditate, go in. There also, god is waiting for you as your own self. He is everywhere so there is nothing to choose. One has to be choicelessly aware. So just try balance.

It will take a little time. It is very easy to choose one because then there is no problem. It is simple arithmetic. If you choose one, you drop out of the world, you forget all relationship; you close all your doors and windows and you shut yourself in. Simple – no polarity, no challenge – but by and by you will shrink and die.

Or you can choose relationship and the world, and never come home... always being with others. If nobody is there, then in fantasy, but still with others. If nobody is there, then put on the radio or the TV, but never be alone. There are people who are alone only when they are fast asleep, and then even it is not certain that they are alone; they may be dreaming of people. These are both wrong attitudes.

I am neither for the world nor against it. I am neither for a monastery nor against it. Hence I have made this monastery deep in the world. We could have chosen the himalayas, but that would have been unbalanced. This noise of the railway, the aeroplane and the traffic, is enriching. It gives polarity, it gives shape and sharpness. It gives tone.

Anand means bliss and sahajo means spontaneous; spontaneous bliss. And sahajo is the name of one woman mystic, a great indian saint; one of the very rare woman mystics.

I give you the name so that you can remember continuously that you have to be spontaneous. Live moment to moment. Don’t think of the past and don’t think of the future. Both are non-existential.

The past is gone, the future is not yet. Only the present is.

So to be in the present is the only way to be. Be responsive to the moment. If somebody asks something, don’t answer from your mind. Put the mind aside – because the mind can never be spontaneous, and that which cannot be spontaneous is not you. When you put the mind aside, your spontaneous being surfaces. So don’t bother to be consistent; there is no need. There is no need to have a character because character means that the past decides the present. You have been doing something in the past, now you have to be consistent with it; that’s what character is.

The society wants you, and everybody, to be with character, because a man of character can be manipulated very easily. A man of character is predictable. A spontaneous man is unpredictable because he is basically freedom. One never knows what he is going to do next. Not even you know what is going to happen in the next moment. If you know what is going to happen in the next moment, what you are going to do, you are already dead. Then that moment cannot be alive, fresh, young; you have already prepared for it. So, no preparations. Just wait for the next moment to come, and respond with your totality, whatsoever the consequence.

To think about the consequence is to be worldly. And to drop thinking about consequences is to become a sannyasin.

You follow me? That will be the meaning, and it is not only going to be your name – it has to become your very being.

[The new sannyasin says she has been studying music since she was a child and has been giving big concerts playing the organ, but now she has some conflict. She doesn’t know whether to continue or not.]

Music is such a beautiful thing that one should never leave it – it is a sort of meditation. So rather than leaving it, go deeper into it. I will help you to go deeper into it. I can understand where the problem is. The problem is not in the music; the problem is in being a performer.

... that performance is the problem. There are a few things which cannot really be performed. If they are deep in you, you cannot do those things before others unless a very sympathetic, loving audience is available – which is not. Doing a concert before the public is like making love on the street. It is so intimate, and one feels embarrassed to bring that soft heart to such a public gaze.

... The deeper you go in meditation, the more the quality of your music will change. Your capacity will change; you will feel more rooted in it. So right now, meditate here, do a few groups. We have a music group here also, so participate in it. And it is not a performance; it is a meditation.

(to radha) And one day she has to come and play here, just whatsoever she wants, so that I can feel where she is. And playing here before me, (to sahajo) forget yourself completely. For half an hour you just go as deep as you can so that I can feel where the block is and then things can be done.

[A sannyasin says he practiced the mantra ’I am not afraid’ until his fear disappeared. Then he felt very fragile and shakey: I have been crying a lot.]

Enjoy crying...

Tears are one of the most beautiful things in the world, so enjoy them and remain fragile, because if you are fragile then you are available to god. You are soft, you are porous. You function like a sponge and god is soaked in. When you are hard, nothing enters – and we have been taught to be hard so that nothing enters. The hardness is part of our defense. We are afraid: that’s why we are hard. So when you start feeling not afraid, you become fragile.

It is fear that has made people like rocks – very stiff, hard, non-vulnerable – because they are afraid that somebody may enter, somebody’s love, and some tenderness may surface. They have been taught not to allow anything to enter, because if something enters, you are no more in control. You become pregnant, so you protect yourself.

By and by, because of fear and continuously defending ourselves, we have shrunken. Drop the fear and you start expanding. Become fragile and you start expanding. When there is no fear, there is nothing else but god. When there is no fear only love is left, because there are only two orientations

– fear or love. If fear is there, love cannot exist. If fear is not there. Love suddenly erupts, explodes, and then you will sing out of love and you will dance out of love. You will cry and you will laugh. You will be almost mad with love. And this love is unaddressed... not to anyone in particular.

In fact it is not a relationship. It is a state of mind. When you are afraid, you are simply afraid. It is not that you are afraid of this man or that woman, or this night and this darkness. You are simply afraid; all others are just excuses. When you are loving, you are simply loving. Then you love whatsoever comes on the way. So allow it and continue that meditation.

Each night it will be very good. Do it just before you go to sleep. At least in the moment when you are falling asleep, if you are completely unafraid it will give a totally different quality to your sleep.

And sleep is a small death, so in fact we are afraid of it. That’s why sleep is not so deep – disturbed.

People go on turning from this side to that. In fact it is nothing but fear, because in sleep you are not in control. You don’t know what is happening, you don’t know who you are, you don’t know where you are.

All the control of the world that you had while you were awake is lost. Some people turn and toss, and again and again sleep is broken. When people become too much afraid, insomnia is natural.

When you are not afraid, insomnia disappears. You sleep so deeply – as if you had really died. And in the morning you come back from the world of death. You resurrect every morning.

[The Tao Group is present. A group leader says:... can a leader die in the group? I think it would be hard for me as a participant, but it’s especially hard for me as a leader.]

No, it is the same. The problem is arising because the dying of you is not really the dying of the leader. In fact the more you are, the less you are capable of leading. The less you are, the more you are capable of leading. When you completely disappear, there is only a function of leadership; you are not there.

The leader is not going to die. In fact the leader will be more there when you are not. It is the ego of the leader, it is the doer, that disappears. When the doer disappears then the leader is in tremen-dous spontaneity. The leader becomes a vehicle, a vehicle of the unconscious forces of the participants. Then the leader becomes a mirror and reflects those depths which the participants cannot penetrate themselves. Then the participant is not really being led by somebody else – the participant is being led by his own unconscious forces, and the leader has just became instrumental in it.

Everybody is carrying his own inner searchlight, but nobody is aware of it. The whole effort is to make the participant aware that all that he’s seeking is already the case, that it is not really that he has to solve problems; the only problem is to understand that he has not to create them. And life is not a problem. To look at it as if it is a problem is the beginning of stupidity. Life is not a problem. It is a mystery to be lived.

So when the leader is not a doer, he himself becomes a mystery Suddenly he will feel that when he was there people were resisting, the participants were in a sort of resistance, because when you are there the participants feel defensive. There is a subtle underground fight between your ego and the ego of the participant. He does not want to surrender. Why should he surrender? Who are you?

On the surface he may try, but deep down he goes on resisting. Even if he tries, he tries reluctantly, and that dissipates much energy unnecessarily. When you see a leader who is not there at all, immediately the resistance in the participant disappears – because there is nobody to surrender to, so now you can surrender easily. There is nobody who is going to enjoy your surrender, who will feel very enhanced in his ego by your surrender, so what is the point of resisting?

In your bathroom you don’t resist. In your drawing-room you don’t resist. Even small things make a difference. When you go to a psychoanalyst in his office, you resist more because it is his territory, it is his kingdom, and you have to be alert because otherwise he will simply gobble you up, he will swallow you. That’s why psychoanalysts don’t like to go to the patient’s house – because there they will not be so powerful. It will be the patient’s home and they will have to fit in. When the patient comes to the psychoanalyst he has to fit, but a subtle conflict continues.

So when the leader is not there, he has become a guru. That is the difference between a leader and a guru. It is a very subtle difference. If the leader is there, he is a leader. If the leader is not there, he is a guru. Then there is nobody to whom you are surrendering. He is simply symbolic. In fact you are surrendering to yourself. Via the guru you are coming to your home.

So the problem is there because you think that if you are not there, then how will you be able to lead?

You need not be worried about it. Only then will you be able to lead – and the leadership will have such a beautiful quality. It will have no violence in it. Otherwise there is violence – when you look at somebody as being a participant and you are a leader, there is violence. Then you are to interpret, you are to judge, you have to show the way. He is the ignorant one and you are the know-all; then you have the upper hand. It is you who is going to decide whether he is moving rightly or wrongly, whether he is following the right path or not. It is you who is going to evaluate. The patient is just nobody and you have to put a label on him. You can call him a schizophrenic, you can call him a neurotic or a psychotic or whatsoever you like, and he is just to comply with it. He has no say in it.

If he tells a dream, you are the interpreter. He’s just an object. The person is reduced to a thing.

You are the manipulator, and you have to cut and change and polish and repolish, and make a man out of it; to make him adjust, to make him grow or whatsoever, but you become a manipulator.

When you are not, you don’t judge. You are not an observer and you have no authority. When you don’t have any authority you help tremendously – because authority is destructive. You are simply love, not knowledge – that is the difference. When the leader is, he is knowledge. When the leader is not, and only a function of leading is there, then there is simply love. Then you go on showering your love.

People grow through love, not through knowledge.

They are not mechanisms – they are people, real people, as alive as you. They are hidden gods.

One should approach them with a deep reverence. It is sacrilege to call a person a patient. To say of a person that he needs psychoanalysis, or he needs this or that, is to degrade the person, is to humiliate him. And that is the difference between a guru....

The guru is an eastern concept, a feminine concept. A guru is one who is not. It is a very paradoxical function: one who is not, is a guru. A slight ego and the guru will be poisonous – no ego, then he is nectar, he is simply nectar showering on you. You can surrender to him because he is not. You are surrendering to yourself via the guru.

And it is going to be totally different here because these are sannyasins – they are not patients. And they are in an authentic search. They are devotees. They are not just fooling around. They are not just curious about what this tao group is, they are not just curious, they are not onlookers. They are involved, committed.

When you do a group in the west, there are twenty participants, and they are all just participants; there is no inner link between them. When you are doing a group here, there are twenty sannyasins.

I am the inner link running between them and through you, so you are all part of a garland. And that thread which is not visible on the surface, is a deep connection, gives you a deeper intimacy and makes many more things possible.

So by and by let the leader disappear. Just be a leading function and allow me to work through you. Whenever you are in trouble, whenever you are facing a problem you cannot solve, there is no need to become tense about it. Just close your eyes, relax and remember me. Hold the locket and suddenly you will see you are full of me and something has started.

You were surprised by the spontaneity of the participants – sooner or later you will be surprised by your own spontaneity and your own unpredictableness. Some answers will start flowing through you which you were never aware were there.

[The group leader says that she feels her resistance is in the limitations of her body which she has neglected.]

No, nothing to be worried about. Nothing is ever lost. Even if the body is neglected, you can again reconnect it. There is no problem, not at all. Nothing is ever lost. You may have forgotten it – it can be revived. You may have forgotten the meaning – it can be decoded.

We have such tremendous reservoirs of energy that one is never, in any way, limited. If we believe we are limited, we function as limited human beings. Once we drop that foolish belief, we start functioning as unlimited beings. It is just a belief. You have drawn your own circle. It happens with gypsies....

Gypsies are continuously moving – they are wandering people. So when the older people go into the town, they draw circles around their children and tell the child, ’Sit here. You cannot get out of this. It is a magic circle.’ And the gypsy child cannot get out of it – impossible! Then he grows and grows and becomes an old man; and even then, if his father draws a circle, the old man cannot get out of it. Now he believes – and when you believe, it works.

Now you will be surprised at what foolishness this is and will say that this cannot be done to you.

Somebody draws a circle and you will immediately jump out of it; nothing will happen. But an old gypsy man cannot even get out of it. From the very childhood he has been conditioned for it. It functions for him, it is a reality for him, because reality is that which affects you. There is no other criterion for reality.

So limitation is a concept. Nothing is wrong with your body, nothing is wrong with any body. People have wrong beliefs and then they function wrongly. When they function wrongly they search for a reason as to why.

They come across the belief and go on emphasising it: ’I am functioning wrongly because of this.’

This becomes a vicious circle. Then they are more limited. Drop that idea completely. It is just a circle that you or others have helped you to draw around yourself.

That is the whole function of my being here – to make you unlimited, because you are.

Limitations exist only in your belief. It is a suggestion, an auto-hypnosis. It is very real when it is there, but drop it and suddenly you will laugh. It is very ridiculous. Start working and soon it will disap-pear. Don’t be worried about it.

[A sannyasin says: For the first I find that I’m not dependent on the care of a woman. But there’s a small boy inside me who doesn’t like to be shouted at, who doesn’t want to be blamed.]

... tell the hypno-therapist about your problem so he can work on it. Then we will decide. It will go; there is nothing to be worried about.

One day one has to become independent of a constant need of being cared for by a woman. That is the day that one becomes mature. That is the day when you are finished with your mother, and that is the day you can start loving a woman. Otherwise in every woman you will go on searching for your mother. Then it is going to be false love. It is going to be political. Because you need the care, you pretend to love, but that is not mature love. You are like a child hanging onto the mother’s skirt.

If you continue that you will never know what love is.

One has to finish with this dependence. When you are finished with it, for the first time you will be able to decide whether you love this woman or not, because now there is no need; now you can share. When there is no need, love flowers.

Love flowers only when needs have disappeared. A love happens only between a king and a queen

– neither is in any need.

Love is the most luxurious thing in the world. It is not a need – it is the last luxury, the ultimate in luxuries. If you are needing it it is just as other needs; one needs food, one needs shelter, one needs clothes, one needs this and that. Then love is also part of this world.

When there is no need and you are simply flowing with energy and would like to share with somebody, and somebody is also flow-ing with energy and would like to share with you, then you both offer your energies to an unknown god of love.

And it is sheer luxury because it is purposeless. It has no business to do. It is intrinsic – it is not a means to anything else. It is a great play.

[A sannyasin says: I enjoyed the group very much. I feel that I’m becoming more soft. My sexual energies seem to be drying up since being in poona.]

Just let it be, allow it. When energy is rising upwards, many changes happen and one should not disturb those changes. Simply allow it. Just be with the energy wherever it is going, whatsoever is happening. Don’t force anything against it, that’s all. Accept it, trust it.

I can see that it is going beautifully – you need not worry.

[A sannyasin says that he has separated from his girlfriend but The other night we spent the night together, and we didn’t have intercourse but just lay together. The energy that moved between us was much deeper than it has ever been before.]

Mm, it happens sometimes. Particularly for the modern man it has become almost impossible to lie down with the woman you love and not to make love. People have forgotten completely that sex is nothing compared to that merger which happens when you are simply Lying together in deep love, in deep reverence, in prayer.

When the physical energy is not sexually involved, it rises to higher altitudes. It can reach to the very last, to samadhi. But people have forgotten completely. They think that sex is the end. Sex is only the beginning. So remember it.

Whenever you love a woman, make it a point to first lie together in deep love, and you will reach to higher orgasms, subtler, deeper. That’s how, by and by, real celibacy arises. What we call in india

’brahmacharya’, real celibacy, is not against sex: it is higher than sex, it is deeper than sex. It is more than sex. Whatsoever sex can give, it gives, but it gives more also. So when you know how to use your energy on such a high level, who bothers for the lower spaces? – nobody. Then it is not against sex.

I’m not saying to drop sex. I am saying to sometimes allow yourself pure loving spaces where sex is not a concern. Otherwise you are pulled back to earth and you can never fly into the sky.

That’s what happened. It has been a good experience. Remember it and feel grateful to her. Don’t create any problem out of it. If she loves, she will come to you, you will go to her. If we love each other we come again and again to each other. If we don’t love, it can’t be helped. Then we say goodbye. There is no need to make it a permanent, enforced relationship. No need to make love a marriage unless it itself becomes a marriage; then it’s okay.

[A sannyasin says through a translator: She says that she has difficulties because she doesn’t speak any english, but nevertheless she feels and she understands.

She says she feels much freer to express herself since being here in the ashram.]

Very good. In fact language is not needed too much. It is not always a medium of communication. It more or less hinders communication. If you can feel, that’s good. Don’t be worried about language.

Move by feeling.

Feeling is the universal language. And particularly to understand me. No language is needed. I can find a way in from the back door!

CHAPTER 2

29 July 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Prem means love and divya means divine, divine love. Remember it. It should not be just a name.

It should become a remembrance – that love is divine and that only love is divine, and there is no other door to the divine than love. The more you love, the closer you are to god. And if one can dissolve completely into love, one becomes one with god.

[Osho said one should be loving and respectful to everything – even inanimate things – because what one loved was not the question, but the attitude of love.... ]

That love gives you depth and by and by it transforms you. All other temples are false. Unless you knock at the door of love, you knock in vain. And whatsoever a person does to you, never allow anybody to destroy your love. Even if somebody cheats you, don’t hate. Let him cheat – that is his problem – but your love continues undisturbed. Somebody is not good towards you; it doesn’t matter. He will reap his own actions. You need not be worried about it. Go on loving.

So love should be unconditional. It should not make any conditions. One should not say, ’I will love you only if you do this, if you are good to me, or if you are beautiful, or if you are this and that.’ That will destroy love. A conditional love is not love at all. So make love more and more unconditional.

And at this age if you can understand it, your whole life will be transformed, transfigured. This is the right age to start something, because once you move on a wrong path, it is very difficult to change it because much becomes invested in it. Right now you are just beginning to enter the world. You will move into relationships, you will find friends and lovers, and things will start growing now. You are on the threshold.

So let this be your constant meditation: that love is divine, and all that is divine is bound to be based somewhere in love. Love functions as earth functions for trees.

Everything divine is rooted in love.

[A sannyasin who works in the canteen says: I have a lot of energy, but I can’t just be myself.]

I was expecting this. Basically you are a doer, so if you have something to do you will feel good. But that something also has to be something difficult, otherwise there is no challenge. That something has to be arduous; that something has to be such that your ego can feel that you are really doing something great. But this problem has to be understood – because this is a sort of disease.

Because of this disease many people waste their life in doing – doing this, doing that – for no purpose at all. They just want to put themselves in difficult situations so that they can enhance their egos. They want to struggle. Their whole interest is in the struggle, in the fighting. So if they can find something to fight, good. But even that happiness is not real happiness, because sooner or later you will become efficient in doing that thing, then it is finished. Then you want some new peak, another mountain to climb. And by this time, meanwhile, life is slipping by. You are losing time each moment, and death is approaching closer and closer. So you have to understand this.

If he doesn’t have anything to do, then the doer’s mind always plans. That means he is doing in fantasy. If he cannot do really, he will dream, but that too is futile.

... You have to do two things. One is, start taking interest in small things, very small things, because in your being a doer there are two things involved – your ego and your energy. The energy is perfectly right. You have active energy, a male energy, a positive energy, and you are a high-energy person. The other thing is your ego. If you try to drop both you will never be able to, because one is real and one is unreal, and both are tied together. So you have to untie them inside. The energy has to be saved.

You have to do many things but you have not to be a doer. You have to be active, otherwise you will become very sad and depressed because it will not be natural to you. It is natural to you to be active – and the difference has to be understood. When you become a doer, the ego enters. If you are simply active, then there is no problem.

That’s why I say that the first thing is to take interest in small things which are not a challenge. The canteen is perfectly good. Cleaning the floor is perfectly good. It has no challenge in it. In fact the ego feels humiliated: ...’what are you doing cleaning the floor? What are you doing cleaning the bathroom? Are you meant to do this? You are meant to do great things! Your destiny is to be an alexander or an adolf hitler or some other madman.’ So when you are cleaning the floor just enjoy it.

The enjoyment should come through activity, not through ego-enhancement. So this type of small thing is very very good.

[Osho recounted the story of a muslim emperor, abrahim, who left his throne and went to be initiated by a master. The master told him to immediately shed his clothes and run naked in the streets of his own town, beating his head with a shoe.

One of the mystic’s disciples protested on behalf of the king, saying this was being very hard on the poor man – after all he was emperor and this was his very own capital. The mystic replied that when you take off your clothes you take off your defenses too, you become a nobody.... ]

Have you observed this – that when you are naked, you are nobody? When you are dressed in your particular dress, you are somebody. Can you make any distinction between a criminal and a high court judge if they are standing naked between the murderer and the president of a country if they are standing naked? Impossible to judge. But if they are in their regalia – the king with the crown and the judge with his wig and black suit – then of course one knows who one is. We know people through their clothes. Naked, a person simply becomes undefended.

The mystic said, ’It is not hard. He has been a king. He has too many defenses that ordinarily people don’t have; that’s why I have to be hard on him.’ The disciple asked, ’Why are you asking him to run around the town? You never asked us. And why this nonsense that he should beat his head with a shoe?!’ The mystic said, ’I wanted him to feel humiliated. If it is not accepted, if it is not welcomed, then he will not be able to do it. He will simply refuse it. So it is a kind of a test.’

If you accept something, even humiliation, it becomes humbleness and it is a beautiful quality.

But if you resist, if you don’t want it, then only does it look like humiliation. Humiliation is just an interpretation of the ego.

So the first thing I would like to tell you is to take an interest in very small things which are not projects of the ego. Even if you do them well, nobody is going to award you a nobel prize. Howsoever clean you make the bathroom or the floor, and howsoever well you work in the canteen, you are not going to get any victoria cross. Nobody will ever know anything about you. Nobody will say, ’Heeren the great.’ Nobody will ever hear your name.

So, activity has to be allowed, and be as active as you can so that no energy remains pent up. Don’t dam up the energy; let it flow. If you have nothing to do, go and run around koregaon park (the area in which the ashram resides). I will not be hard on you, and I will not say to be naked. But if it is needed, one day I will say it to you. And I am not going to give you a shoe right now, but one day, if you don’t follow, you will have to do that too. You are a high-energy person. If the energy remains there it will create many troubles for you. It becomes sore, it becomes like a wound, it starts hurting.

It recoils on yourself and becomes self-destructive.

Start working and be completely involved. You are not going to make history, and people who are here with me are here on]y to know how to drop out of history, how to become nobodies. So don’t preserve energy, because there is nothing else to do but these small things.

This ordinary life is the only life there is. And this ordinary life needs no planning – it is so simple.

Only cunning things need planning because they are so complex. You have to rehearse many times, you have to think about this and that, and you have to manipulate many strings. And then too nobody can ever be certain that you will succeed because things are so complex, and for those complex things there are many competitors.

If you want to be great in the eyes of the world, if you are seeking the good opinion of others, then you are in a very competitive madhouse. Many are doing the same. Whatsoever you do, you can never rely on it succeeding, and even if it succeeds, it brings nothing. It brings only more projects, more plans. If you earn money, by the time you have earned it the desire has arisen for more money, so you invest that money to earn more money and again you invest and go on investing. By the time death arrives you have much money and an unlived life.

And the second thing: happiness is not something that happens to you. It is already happening –

you have just to be receptive. It is not that it happens sometimes and it doesn’t happen sometimes.

It is a decision on your part. Every morning when you get up, decide whether you want to be happy or unhappy today, and then insist for that the whole day.

Just today I was reading about a man who received a bill from the plumber. The plumber said.

’Within three weeks, pay forty dollars for the work I have done for you. If it is not paid within three weeks you will have to pay five dollars more – forty-five dollars.’

The man was very angry, annoyed, and he showed that letter to a friend. The friend said, ’My plumber is very clever. He also writes the same thing but in a different way. If it were a letter from my plumber he would have written: ”Pay me forty-five dollars – that is the charge for my services –

but if you pay within three weeks, you can pay five dollars less.”’ Then one feels very happy because the choice is positive.

One sufi mystic relates in his autobiography that when he was studying with his master, he and a colleague were both walking in the garden of the master. They were smoking and they felt guilty.

The friend said, ’It would be good if we asked the master.’ These few hours were given to them for a walking meditation; they had to walk in the garden and meditate as in vipassana. So they said, ’Yes, it is better to ask rather than feeling guilty.’

So one went to the master and asked, ’Can I smoke while meditating?’ The master said, ’Certainly not!’ Next day when he came to the garden, the other was smoking. He said, ’Have you not been to the master?’ The second replied, ’I have been and he said. ”Yes, you can smoke.”’ The first said,

’This seems to be unjust. He denied me absolutely, in no uncertain terms. He said, ”No, certainly not!” How is it that he allowed you?’

The second said, ’I think we must have asked differently. I asked him ”Can I meditate while smoking?” He said, ”Certainly, of course!”’

It is the same thing. Life brings the same thing to everybody, but if you have a wrong attitude, a negative attitude, or are asking a wrong question or knocking at the wrong spot, you go on missing.

So as I see it, it is not that unhappiness happens to people – they have decided to remain unhappy.

Maybe it is not conscious, maybe it is unconscious and they have forgotten.

So try this for three weeks, and stick with the decision. And once you know the knack, it is so simple... It is the simplest thing in the world to be happy or to be unhappy. And one is always the master. You may not know it, but one is always the master.

[See ’the cypress in the courtyard’, friday june 4th, where Osho talks about mastery of emotions and recounts an incident in the life of bennett, one of gurdjieff’s disciples.]

[A sannyasin says she gets an empty feeling in her stomach which she has always associated with fear. It happens after meditation.

Osho checks her energy.]

Mm... it has nothing to do with fear. You may be afraid of it but it has nothing to do with fear. It is the emptiness that comes when you start meditating. Allow this emptiness to be there more and more and don’t try to fill it with anything.

Love the very feeling of emptiness, and out of this emptiness something will arise, something will descend into it. You are becoming a womb ready to receive something, hence the emptiness. So don’t be worried about it. Feel happy and grateful about it.

Keep this box with you and whenever you feel emptiness in the stomach, put it on the stomach. It will make you more empty. Things are going very well. Your energy is streaming, getting ready.

But emptiness always makes people afraid, frightened, because we don’t know the positivity of emptiness. We know only the negativity of it. The word ’empty’ gives a sense of negativity, as if something is missing.

[See ’be realistic: plan for a miracle’, monday, march 29th, where bhagwan expands on the nature of emptiness, saying how we tend to label it negatively as it is an experience totally unlike anything we have experienced before but that it is the aim of all meditation.]

Allow the feeling so that the whole body becomes empty and the emptiness becomes bigger than you, so you are just a tiny thing in that great emptiness. Right now you are surrounding the emptiness, your circle is bigger. Emptiness is just a small circle within the bigger circle. It should be completely turned upside down. The emptiness becomes a bigger circle and you become a small circle inside.

When emptiness is bigger than you, immediately you will see its positivity. Then you will see its austere beauty. Suddenly it is no more emptiness. It is fulfillment. But before anything can descend in you, you have to be empty.

All that is useful, all that is creative, comes out of emptiness. God is the perfect emptiness, the ultimate zero. And you are coming to the first experience of what mystics have called the zero experience. But the zero has to be bigger than you. Allow it.

CHAPTER 3

30 July 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[Through a translator, a visitor said he had come to Osho because he needed a friend.]

Good... but coming to me is dangerous because it means going away from the personality that you have been up to now. The only way to come closer to me is to die in a certain way. Only then is one reborn. So if you really want to come close to me, physical closeness won’t help. And spiritual closeness means a deep surrender – surrendering the mind, surrendering the intellect, surrendering logic, surrendering aristotle. Because when you surrender logic, love starts functioning – and they never function together. It is a question of either/or – either logic or love.

Logic is very poisonous for love, because love needs a totality, a simplicity, a trusting heart, almost blinded. Then things are very simple and much can happen. Otherwise, on one side you start coming towards me, on another you start going away. And that’s what happens to the logical mind. By one hand it creates, by another it destroys. So that has to be the very basic thing to be understood.

If you want to be with me, it cannot be a half-hearted measure. So if you really want to come close, the Brst thing is to become a sannyasin. That is just a gesture from your side that yes, you are ready; even if I kill you, you are ready. Otherwise much energy is wasted in resistance.

[The visitor says that his problem is that he is not sure of himself, of his own ideas.]

That’s everybody’s problem. It is the modern human problem. The contemporary mind is that way because we have lost our roots and the sense of direction. We are just standing on the crossroads not knowing where to go, why to go at all, why we are here in the first place, what the point of going is, and if it is going to benefit us anyway if we go. This indecisiveness is the very characteristic of the contemporary mind. It is not your problem. It is the problem you are born in, the world you are born in.

So you can come out of it because this is not your problem – it is just the atmosphere around. It is the noo-sphere, the thought-sphere around you which has given you an indecisiveness. But you can come out of it; there is no problem in it. It needs courage not thinking, because by thinking you will never come out of it. Thinking goes on emphasising the same problem again and again. Deep down, thinking is the cause of the whole problem. And only love can be the cure.

So if you go on thinking and deciding what to do, what not to do. and how you are going to come out of it, it is just pulling yourself up by your shoe-strings. You will need the help of somebody who is not in the problem and can pull you out. Look at me – I am not in the problem. I am absolutely decisive – even about you, that you can come out of it. So don’t think about it, because that is not going to help. That is the basic eastern approach. If you are asleep, you need somebody to awaken you; otherwise there is no way. You can even dream that you are awake.

So awakening is a chain reaction. I make you awake, then you become capable of awakening others.

I pull you out, then you become aware that it is so simple and you can pull others out. It is really simple, but you will have to hold my hand. And if you think that you have to decide about it, you can think a few days and decide.

Anand means bliss and prem means love. Only love is bliss. and only a blissful person can be loving. Bliss and love are two aspects of the same energy. On one side it is love on another it is bliss. Approach it from both the sides: be loving and be blissful. And don’t think of which comes first; they come together. It is just like the hen and the egg – nobody is primary. The egg is nothing but the hen’s way to create more hens, or vice versa – the hen is nothing but the egg’s way to create more eggs.

Bliss creates love and love creates bliss. Just as there is a logical term they call ’a vicious circle’, this is a virtuous circle. One virtue creates another. Then you are even more ready for the first than before.

[A visitor says that he has done therapy, meditations, tantra yoga: I feel now that I’m at a point where I can sense a bit of the life force within me and at the same time I don’t know how to go on.]

I understand. Much more is waiting to happen for you.

This problem arises only when for the first time you start feeling a glimpse, a sense, that something is possible, that you are not going to waste your life. When you come in contact for the first time with the cosmic energy, howsoever small, this problem arises – of what to do and how to grow more and how not to waste energy and effort. how to put the energy into one direction. One should be happy that the problem has arisen, because there are two types of problems.

One type of problem is pathological. Somebody has anxieties and cannot sleep, or somebody is so tense that he’s feeling split, or somebody is obsessed with some idea and cannot get rid of it.

These are pathological problems. All problems are not pathological. There are growth problems also, which are very healthy.

This is a growth problem, and one should be really happy that one has a growth problem, not a pathological problem. Because even if the pathological problem is solved, you become more comfortable, that’s all, but nothing is gained. You sleep better, you are less tense, you become more efficient in your worldly affairs, in your business, in your work, in your job, but nothing is solved.

When a pathological problem is solved you function more normally, that’s all. But that is not the goal; just to be normal is pointless. Unless something of the beyond happens to you, unless there is a breakthrough, unless you can see the significance of being here, unless you can perceive your place in this cosmos – why you are, who you are, and for what function you exist, what your destiny is – unless you have that perspective, you simply vegetate.

A few people vegetate efficiently, a few people non-efficiently, a few people comfortably, a few people uncomfortably, but in the end it is all the same. Whether you had beautiful dreams in the night or nightmares makes not much difference when in the morning you find that it was all dream.

This is a growth problem, and now you will have to commit yourself to some path. Up to now, you have been dabbling in this and that. Good – in the beginning it is very good; one has to grope –

but now don’t continue that. Now choose a path. At least for three years be committed to a path so totally that whatsoever can happen on that path, happens. If nothing happens on that path after three years, move, choose some other path.

But at this moment a deep involvement will be needed, otherwise you will wither away. Don’t do many things any more. In the beginning it is good. One goes shopping and looks in this shop and that, and is attracted by this window display and that, one looks at many things, but then finally one decides; then one chooses.

If you choose, immediately many things will start happening. And I am not saying choose this or that, but choose. It is a risk because one chooses in deep ignorance, and there is no other way to choose. Maybe it is right, maybe it is not right. It remains ’perhaps’. That’s the risk, but one has to still choose.

Choose some path and be devoted to it totally – because energy should not be dissipated. As I see, you have been doing many things, so you have gone to the south a little, to the north a little, to the east, to the west, and you have been going in all the directions together. It is good in the beginning

– one has to feel – but now choose.

If you want to grow, then you can grow only on one path. And all paths are true. When I say choose, I don’t mean that others are wrong. All paths are true. In fact, every path ultimately leads to god because ultimately only he is. Even people who go astray cannot go astray. Even going astray leads them to god one day – because where can you go astray? There is nowhere where god is not.

So even a sinner is on the path of being a saint; there is no other way. He may delay. So I don’t call a sinner a sinner, I call him a delayed saint. Delaying, postponing, running hither and thither, but how long can you do that? One day one decides.

So be decisive. If you feel that you have a certain love for me, then I am ready. You can come along with me. But if you feel that somewhere else you have a deeper involvement and a possibility of a deeper involvement, then go there, but be committed. And put aside all wanderings now. A man needs to be a wanderer, but one day one stops wandering and follows a certain path. Then direction arises and things start falling into line. Then all your effort moves in one direction, gives you an integration.

So you have groped in all directions long enough. And the problem with you is that if you don’t choose and you don’t get committed, this may become your habit – this dabbling. Then there are a thousand and one paths one can go on. That becomes a sort of befooling oneself. One is always engaged with one guru, then another guru, with one school and then another school, then another school, with one technique and then another technique. By and by, one becomes addicted. So one is nowhere with anybody but one goes on changing paths, techniques, and by and by this can become a habit – that you cannot stay with anything for long. Then growth is impossible.

So it is a growth problem – good in itself, but you will have to do something. So feel, be here, meditate, do a few groups. And if you feel that there is a certain affinity between your heart and mine, then be committed, become a sannyasin.

... Think about it. The problem for you to solve is whether to be committed and become a sannyasin, or not. So think about it. I will do almost ninety percent. Ten percent you think, mm? Good!

Deva means divine and salila means a river, a divine river. And that you have to remember.

You are holding your energy. You are not allowing it to stream, to flow. It is as if a river has been prevented, blocked, and a dam has been created. The energy is there, throbbing, vibrating, and wants to explode, but you are holding it. Unless you release it, you will feel many troubles. Once you release it, you will be free of many troubles. Once you release it, it will take all garbage away from you.

So that’s why I give you the name deva salila. You have to remember that you have to become a river – flowing, always flow-ing. Unless you come to dissolve into an ocean, don’t stop: No other place is your goal. Go on farther and farther. One has to reach to the ocean where all boundaries dissolve. But you are holding it hard, and if you hold you create conflict. You create a contradiction in your being.

The energy wants to ga out and you want to pull it in. In this conflict, anxiety arises. And if this conflict continues for long, you create blocks. Then to hold becomes an unconscious habit. The energy is ready and there is not much of a problem. If you don’t try to hold it, it will start flowing. I don’t see any other block except that you are holding it. So do some groups and don’t hold at all...

just be completely flowing. Don’t be miserly about it.

Many people are so miserly about energy that it is unbelievable why they are so miserly. From the very beginning every child is taught to be miserly. The mathematics of life is that the more you spend your energy, the more energy you get. The less you spend. you less you get, because there is no need. If you don’t spend at all. you don’t get at all. Then the old energy remains like a stagnant dead thing, and it becomes by and by poisonous. Energy has to be fresh, continuously fresh.

I can see it... every pore of your body needs flow. So in these five weeks that you will be here, dance, sing, relate with people. meet, have contacts, love. In these five weeks completely forget your old habit of holding. Here, things are allowed. Even if you are standing and trembling, nobody is going to say that you are mad or something, gone crazy.

There are greater crazy people here than you, so you need not be worried!

[A sannyasin says: I’m sitting here and thinking just so many things to say to you – (my wife) gone, feeling alone – and it all seems nonsense.]

Mm, that’s what I am continuously indicating. That’s what is my message continuously. That’s why sitting here you continuously feel it. Everything is really nonsense, toys to play with. When you are immature those toys are good, teddy bears. But when you become a little mature, a little understanding arises and you simply start feeling what nonsense you have been doing up to now.

When you are here with me, your understanding starts moving with me a little higher than it is ordinarily. With me it starts flying into the sky, so you look downwards and everything seems nonsense. The altitude changes. Back in your room again, those things will start seeming sensible.

So try to understand something while you are here – that it is a question of your altitude. If you are a little higher, then in the valley things seem to be just meaningless, nothing to be disturbed about.

They don’t belong to you, you don’t belong to them. They are just irrelevant.

Back again in the valley, you have to remember what happened on the peak. Then only, you grow.

Otherwise, again and again you are with me and again and again a vision arises and you don’t use it. Back home you again become the same; you fall victim to your old patterns. Then it is not going to help. It is going to be only a momentary glimpse. These glimpses should become the very base of your being. So while you are here with me, whatsoever happens, whatsoever you start feeling, carry it while you are not with me. Carry it there, take care of it so that it is not lost.

When you come to me be very alert about what happens here, because a darshan is not a conversation. It is not even a dialogue. It is a subtle transfer of energy, a subtle communication.

In a subtle way I try to enter you. I knock at your door. There are moments when it becomes possible and you open your door and suddenly in that light, in that new breeze passing through you, you can see what things are meaningful and what things are meaningless,, what is essential and what is non-essential. When you go from here, carry that insight, treasure it, protect it, remember it.

Then wherever you are you will be with me, because if the insight is with you, then you are with me.

And whenever you are again getting lost in old habits, jerk your being, shake yourself out of it and just remember that it is meaningless, it is irrelevant. And suddenly you will see it is irrelevant, it is meaningless.

Deva means divine and prasadam means a gift, a divine gift. And that’s how one should try to see life – as a divine gift. It is of tremendous value. Just to be is such a benediction, but because of our complaining mind and our grumbling mind, we never see the beauty that has already happened. We never see the treasure that has already been handed over to us.

For small things we go on being negative and the great blessing of life simply passes by us. So try to see it. There are troubles, but they are nothing compared to the beauty that life makes available.

There are anxieties... I am not saying it is all a bed of roses; there are thorns – but negligible. And in fact they make roses more beautiful. They help, they enhance life by contrast.

There is hatred and there is anger and there is jealousy, but they all function as a contrast to love.

Without them, love will not be possible. There is death, there is misery, there is illness, there is disease, but they all make life possible. So always look to the positive – that is the meaning of the name.

If you start looking towards the positive, the negative loses meaning, because whatsoever we look at, we pour energy into. Then it surrounds us more and more. If you pay attention to the wrong, you are feeding the wrong. Attention is food – very subtle food, very vital food.

So just don’t pay attention to the wrong. Don’t pay attention to the black side of things. It is there

– accept it. Nobody is denying it, but what is the point of paying too much attention to it? That is a little pathological. It is a perversion, but everybody is doing that. That’s how we go on missing god.

God is possible only when your eyes are absolutely positive, when your eyes have no flaw of negativity in them. Suddenly you see that god has always been there. He is your surround. He is within and without. This is what I call preparation – to make eyes absolutely flawless... and negativity is the flaw.

So whatsoever happens, take it rightly. Even if it gives pain, remember that it must be there, because without it pleasure is not possible. Accept it. That is the meaning of prasadam. It is one of the most beautiful words. When you go to a saint in india, he gives you something as prasad... maybe a little sweet or a fruit.

I don t give you any sweet, any fruit. I give you to yourself – that’s my prasad.

CHAPTER 4

31 July 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Prem means love and bhagwatam means divine, godly. And love is always godly. Howsoever imperfect, it is always godly. You may understand it, you may not understand it, but it is godly. Love is the only proof of god – that he exists. And people who don’t know what love is can never know what god is. There is no way, because they lack the very basic receptivity.

It is like when you don’t have any sense of music, you don’t have the ear for it; the melody does not exist for you. It is simply noise, a sort of disturbance. At the most, you can tolerate it. If you don’t have eyes to see the colour, the paintings are just absurd – people just fooling around. Whatsoever you feel becomes real to you, so the reality of a certain thing depends on the receptivity.

People ask whether god exists or not. They should ask whether they know love or not, then they ask the right question.

So this you have to remember – that love is godly, and to be loving and to allow others to love you...

because that is even more difficult. To love is very easy because you remain the controller, you remain the manipulator and you remain the master; any moment you can withdraw. But to allow somebody to love you is more difficult, very difficult, because to allow somebody to love you means you are losing your definition, your boundaries. You are allowing somebody to trespass your territory, and one never knows what is going to happen. You may not be able to withdraw. To allow somebody to love you means allowing him or her to possess you. So love is a first lesson in surrender.

Love, and allow others to love you. Never lose an opportunity, because all these opportunities add up in the end, and the total of all your love experience is god.

So god never happens in one experience – it is a sum total of a thousand and one experiences.

[A sannyasin has to leave because his father has a serious heart attack.]

Mm... go, and when he is able to do something, show him the nadabrahma, the humming meditation.

You can do it first sitting by his side and he can watch. Then you do it and he can participate with you. That will help his heart too, and it will help something more than the body.

It is most probable that he will become interested in meditation now. After a heart attack people become interested because death has knocked at the door and they have tasted something of death. Now they can never be the same again. The old values – the old life, the competition, the market the money, the power, the prestige, the politics – all seem meaningless. Once you have tasted a little of death, then you know that all this is futile; it has no intrinsic value. One starts seeking for meaning for the first time.

So go immediately, mm? For a few days he will be very vulnerable. If you catch hold of him while he is still under the shock of the heart attack, that can become a transforming moment in his life. But if you are too late and if he has remained for two or three weeks, then he will forget all about the heart attack, and he will start moving again in the same old routine.

Death – even a glimpse, even the idea that one can die – transforms one’s whole being. Religion came into existence because of death. If there were no death, there would have been no possibility for religion to exist. And still religion exists only for those people who are very very aware of death.

Animals are not aware of death. Trees are not aware of death, so there is no religion for trees and no religion for animals. Whenever a person is very materialistic, he remains more animal-like. Then he thinks only in terms of this so-called life, and he never thinks anything about death. In fact he goes on saying that people who go on thinking about death are a little perverted, morbid, ill, pathological, because he tries to deny the fact of death. He is afraid of death. Anybody who brings death to his notice seems to be the enemy.

A materialistic culture, a materialistic society, tries to avoid death. Hence so many tricks have been invented. In the west, when a person dies you put a new dress on him, you paint his face, if she is a woman, then lipstick and eyebrows and everything. You make everybody feel that the person is not dead... a beautiful casket and flowers. This is just to avoid.

You don’t want to see face to face that somebody who was alive a moment before is no more alive.

You don’t want to see death as it is. You put a mask even on death. People live masked while they are alive; when they die, then too they carry the mask. It is a trick, a technology, so that you don’t face your own innermost fear. And everybody says that the dead person has gone to heaven, has gone to the world of god, that he is in paradise and will be very happy.

I was reading.... One parapsychologist, meyers, was making a great research into death and about how people feel about death when somebody nearby – a relative, a friend, a wife, a husband – dies.

How do people feel? So he was enquiring of many people. One day he was invited to a party and he was sitting by the side of a very rich lady whose daughter had just died two or three days ago.

He asked,. ’What do you feel? Where is your daughter now?’

’Of course,’ the lady said, ’she is with god and she is blissfully happy there. She is in paradise. But please, don’t talk about such depressing subjects.’

Now this... you can see the dichotomy, the divided mind, the split mind. ’She is happy, blissfully happy with god in paradise,’ and ’Don’t talk about such depressing subjects’ ! If she is really happy with god then why is it a depressing subject? And if it is a depressing subject why go on hiding it by saying that she is happy with god?

So man has tried to avoid death. That’s a way of avoiding religion, because religion is nothing but an encounter with death. It is a date with death, it is a romance with death. It is an adventure into death. Religion wants to face it. It is a fact – avoiding it is not going to help. The religious mind wants to face it and go deep into it, whatsoever it is. The truth of it has to be known. And in that search, meditation and prayer and yoga have arisen.

So whenever you see that some person has become very ill, seriously ill, don’t lose that opportunity.

Some clouds have opened, and these are the moments that the man can see a ray of light. Help him to see. And if you love the person, that is the greatest gift you can bring to him.

So go back to your father and don’t be worried, because if you are worried you will not be able to help him. Don’t go sad, because there is nothing to be sad about. Death is a fact. It is going to happen today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. It is going to happen. Accept it. Simply go with a message to be delivered from me....

Just tell him, ’Now the right moment has come for you to enter into a different world and a different dimension, a different life. You have lived this world and death has given you the opportunity to feel and see that this is just dreamlike... any moment you can be taken away. You were almost taken away. You are still alive; now don’t waste it again in the old routine. Now make something out of the days that are given to you. Make something that can lead you beyond death, beyond time.’

And you meditate. It will depend on you, much will depend on you, on how you behave. If you are non-tense, unworried, and he can feel your silence, and he can feel your centre of tranquillity.... Just sit by his side, remember me, and just sit silently. He will be able to feel that you are not only his son

– something more has happened to you. He will be able to feel that you have come with a message.

For the first time you will be able to communicate with him. And that will give some roots to you also, because one has to come to a reconciliation with one’s own parents. Otherwise something remains like a hangup.

So make it a complete circle: he has given you life – you take a message to him of another life. He has given you birth – help him to meditate so he can be reborn. Then you have paid the debt.

... Bring a few of my books to him, and when he can read.... Or you can read him my books and he can listen to tapes.

[A therapist asks about his new relationship; that he finds it difficult to receive love, rather than to give it.]

Mm mm, the mind is very afraid of love, so you have to consciously drop those defenses, otherwise love will never happen. You can go on giving; giving is not difficult for the mind. The ego remains perfectly guarded. In fact it feels very good, enhanced, that you are giving love, sharing love; you have so much love to give. The problem arises only when you have to take it; somebody is giving and you have to receive it. When you become the receiving end, then the problem arises. When you are giving you have the upper hand.

When you are receiving you have to be humble, because only in deep humanity can love be received.

That’s the problem. The ego cannot allow itself to be humble, because in humility it disappears. So whenever I say, ’Love,’ people think they have to love, but that is only the beginning. The culmination comes only when you receive and when you allow others to love you. Then you are completely defenseless. Then you don’t know where you are going, what is happening to you.

So you will have to do it self-consciously, otherwise you will not be able to do it. You have to be consciously alert. And whenever you feel that you are blocking, somebody is giving and you are becoming hard, stiff, and not allowing lit in, relax. Say, ’Yes.’ Make ’yes’ your mantra. Whenever you see that something deep down is going stiff, hard, won’t allow any penetration, say yes and relax.

(to the girlfriend) And remember it, you have to help him. When you feel that he is defensive, make all the more effort to love him, because ordinarily this is how it happens. If the other feels that you are defensive, the other starts withdrawing because she feels that she is being rejected. So when you feel that he is defensive, don’t leave him. Just jump on him. Break all his barriers... be wild, so he will understand – ’Now [you are] being wild – I must be being defensive.’

(to the swami) So drop your defenses... just a little awareness. And go on reminding her that this is your block, she has to help you. And when somebody is hard, it is not necessaray that he is rejecting you. He is simply afraid. The greater possibility is that he is simply afraid.

Love is such a tremendous phenomenon, such a vital energy, that people are afraid; it is a whirlwind.

It can take you... nobody knows. Where it will land you is not predictable. It is so wild that one thing is certain – that if you allow it, you will pass through a death. Something will be born out of you, but you don’t know that man. In zen, they call that man ’the man of no titles’, nameless. The bauls call that man ’the essential man’ – ’adhar manush’.

[You have] to drop to give space to the man of no titles, because vedanta is nothing but defenses.

When all defenses are gone, you are gone. Then something is there but you cannot say that it is you. It is so vast, you cannot confine it to any name, to any form. Then the man of no titles is born. It is an essential man. It has nothing to do with you or with me, or with anybody else. It is our essential being... nameless, formless, without any adjectives. That’s why they call it ’without any titles’.

But that is your nature – and love is one of the greatest ways to come to it. So on your part, be alert, and [your girlfriend] will make it a point (to her) to force him. Whenever he is defensive, make it a challenge for yourself that you have to break this defense. Don’t think that you have to withdraw.

Don’t think that you are rejected – no. In fact, the moment he becomes hard, he has become afraid of your love. He is not rejecting you – he is just functioning out of an old habit. So take the challenge and break the defense.

CHAPTER 5

1 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin said he did not want to push himself as Osho had suggested: But I know I have to take risks, I know I have to try new things but... ]

If it comes – this urge to try new things, to venture into new styles of being, to go on a journey of the unknown – then follow it! Nobody is forcing anything on anybody. Even when people force things on you, you allow them to. That too is your thing, finally – otherwise how can anybody impose anything on you? You cooperate, and then you throw the responsibility on the other.

Whatsoever has happened, you have done it. Even if others were saying for you to do it and you followed them, it was you who followed them. You could have disobeyed, there was always the alternative to go against them, but you decided not to go against them. Once you understand this

– that whatsoever you do is your responsibility – then you will feel more at ease with life. Otherwise you feel that somebody is pulling, pushing – parents, the society, this and that – and that somebody is putting a ’should’ on you. Nobody is putting a ’should’ on you – nobody can.

Just do whatsoever you like. If you like to follow them, follow, but never say that they were forcing you. Nobody can force you. Take the risk of not following them then. There are both alternatives.

Both are risky.

In life everything is a risk – even to breathe is a risk: you may be breathing in some virus. To be alive is risky, to drink water is risky, to eat is risky, to love is risky. Everything is a risk. Not to do anything is also a risk because then what is the point of being here? You are committing suicide.

So one thing has to be understood: everything is a risk. Now it is a question of your choice, your liking. When somebody is saying to do this, both alternatives are open – to do it or not to do it. If you don’t do it, you will be losing something and you will be gaining something. If you do it, you will be gaining something and you will be losing something. So decide – but never say that anybody has forced anything on you. Nobody can. It is not in the nature of things.

Do whatsoever you feel like doing. If you feel that you have to go on an adventure, then go. If you feel that you want to remain a sannyasi, remain. If you feel that you don’t want to remain a sannyasi, drop out of it. It is your choice and it is your responsibility. Both the ways there are gains and losses.

One has to decide. You cannot have both. You cannot be a sannyasi and not be a sannyasi at the same time, that is certain. You cannot eat the cake and have it too.

I am not saying anything about pushing, but I feel that you cannot remain without pushing, that’s why I sent you a message. You go on saying that you don’t care – nonsense! If you don’t care then who is forcing you? Then there is no need to even ask me. You must be caring.

[The sannyasin replies: I don’t like where I’m at but... ]

So, don’t like it! What to do? If you don’t like it and you don’t want to do anything to change it, then remain in this ambiguous situation. Enjoy it... remain confused. If I say, ’Do something to get out of it,’ you say you don’t like it, you say you don’t care. If I say, ’Relax into it; be whatsoever you are, and like it,’ then you say you don’t like it. So what to do with you?

And it is not a problem for me. It is a problem for you to face. It is your life, and whether you decide or not, you have to live it. So if you go on shaking and wavering like this, you will simply waste it.

Better to decide one thing. Either start liking yourself as you are and forget all about transformation and rebirth, a new being.... Forget all this. Just be whatsoever you are – good, bad, whatsoever.

Drop all judgement. Love yourself and enjoy your life.

And I don’t see that there is anything wrong in it, because many people have reached god through that way also. That is lao tzu s way, tao. Accept that this is the way you are, this is the way god wanted you to be, so why be unnecessarily creating troubles for yourself, anxieties and tensions?

Just be. Drop all future. This moment is enough.

If you cannot do this – and I see that you cannot do it, that is not your way... I can see exactly in you that you cannot do it, hence you are here – then decide to do something. There are other paths.

Lao tzu is not the only way. There are buddha and jesus and a thousand others – those that say that much can be done and you can be transformed. People have reached through that too.

So I am not in favour of anything or against anything. Just feel for yourself and go. If you drop this, surrender to me and say, ’You decide,’ then I can decide. But then don’t say that you don’t like it and don’t care, and this and that. Then it is nonsense.

I think for a few years you will have to remain in this misery. You have not tasted enough misery. You are not yet fed up with it. Your accounts are not yet closed with it. So be miserable for a few more years. Suffer – suffering gives maturity.

[The sannyasin replies: I feel I’m suffering more than I’ve ever suffered.]

You have to suffer more, because only suffering gives an idea of getting out. If your house is on fire, you jump out of it. You don’t ask ’Should I go outside or not?’ or say, ’I cannot decide whether to go out or not.’

Remain in it. If you are not suffering, you don’t see the flames. If you see the flames and they are torturing you, you simply jump out of it.

So just go back. If you want to drop sannyas, you had better drop it here rather than dropping it there. Drop it consciously, but don’t be in a vague state.

... Do whatsoever you want. One thing is certain, you cannot throw your responsibility on me. That’s why I am saying to drop it, otherwise you will tell people that I have forced sannyas on you, so you are carrying it as a ’should’. I am saying to drop it so that at least I am freed of the responsibility and you cannot throw the responsibility on anybody else. Then it is your choice. If you don’t want to drop it, then be a sannyasin, but decide.

Whatsoever you decide is good. If you want to take sannyas again, you can, but be clear. If you decide to carry it, then carry it with blissfulness. Don’t just carry it like a burden. Think about it. Sit there and decide.

... I am making it clear. You are very vague about it, you are not clear about anything. You are not even clear about whether you have taken sannyas or not; you are simply unaware. I am trying to make it clear to you so that clear-cut distinctions are there. I am making it easier for you so that you can decide, because if you are a sannyasin you have to listen to me. It is a commitment to me.

If I say that you have to do a certain thing, then you have to do it. If I say, ’Push a little harder,’ you have to push, because I can see that the barrier is not very big; just a little push and you will go beyond it. You are standing at the door and I say, ’Push,’ and you say, ’I don’t want to.’

Being a sannyasin means that you are trusting me, and that whatsoever I am saying is going to be beneficial to you. If you don’t want to listen to me, then it is better not to be a sannyasin. And my doors are not closed. Even if you are not a sannyasin, I am available to you. And you can again become a sannyasin. But I want it to be like love, not like a marriage. It is not a legal binding between me and you. It should be a trust.

If you feel that that trust is not there, then don’t carry the paraphernalia. It is pointless, it is ugly; it will be destructive to your being. ,T2,e free of it. Unless you can dance by being a sannyasin, it is pointless. I am just trying to make it clear. and making it clear means making it...

... to make a decision. So that’s why I’m emphasising the two extremes. Otherwise you can go on wavering in between and that will be very destructive.

[A visitor says: I don’t know if taking sannyas means something extra that doesn’t permit an equilibrium between work and a spiritual association.]

No, nothing. It is a simple gesture of your trust in me. It is not in any way anti-life or anti-world. I am absolutely life-affirmative. I am as epicurean a person as you can find.

So sannyas is not life-negative – my sannyas is not. The old concept of sannyas was against sansar, against the world. You could not do this and you could not eat that, and you could not be like this – a thousand and one rules and regulations. No, it is a simple inner trust. It is a gesture of surrender –

that you love me and you will allow me to love you... that If I shower my love on you, you will receive it in gratefulness... that in your meditative work you will seek my help. And if I give you my help, you will receive it.

Just two very small things I insist on – the orange and the mala, nothing else. And the third thing is interior – to meditate. Everything else you continue as you are doing. As your understanding grows and a few things drop, that’s another thing. I am not saying to drop them. For example if you are smoking, I am not saying drop it. Continue. But if your meditation grows a little deeper, smoking may disappear. You may not find the same addiction as before. It may become pointless, irrelevant.

It may wither away by itself. Then it is one thing. Otherwise I am not saying stop it. If you drink, continue drinking, because my understanding is that unless you change, your habits cannot change.

So my emphasis is on you – your awareness, your meditativeness. If your meditation grows a little higher, suddenly you see that it is a wastage of life and energy; you cannot drink. Then it disappears

– but it is not a discipline imposed; it is an inner understanding. Otherwise I make no condition for it.

[The visitor explains: But my problem is that I cannot be here for long. I think it’s a very personal communication between a teacher and a disciple that grows, but maybe this communication can happen also, if I am in bombay (where he is working).]

Yes, wherever you are. If you are in rome, it will not make any difference; it can happen. And once you are a sannyasin you have a personal line from me... a direct telephone. And it can happen.

Space and time is not of much importance. And you can come sometimes whenever it is possible.

[Osho gives him sannyas.]

Deva means divine and mangalam means a benediction, a divine benediction, a divine blessing.

And that’s how one should think about life.

It is a benediction. We have not earned it. God has simply given it to us – a gift. We are not worthy of it. It has been given out of his compassion. It is through his overflowing love that we are alive.

And each moment one should remember this, then each moment becomes a prayer.

So whenever somebody calls you mangalam or you tell somebody that your name is mangalam, let it be a continuous reminder – that life is a blessing. We are not worthy of it, yet it has been given to us. We have to become worthy of it. And all that has been given is so tremendously valuable that there is no way to express our gratitude. There is no way of giving thanks to god.

A prayer is nothing but a thankfulness, a thanksgiving. Each breath should become prayerful. So just sitting alone, feel what a benediction this is, just to be. One is able to breathe, one is able to see all the colours, and one is able to hear all the music that surrounds one. One is, that’s enough.

Even for one moment, one is; there is no way to express one’s gratitude.

Mangalam means a tremendous feeling of being blessed.

.... Good. Make it a point every night before you go to sleep to have a picture of me and to look into my eyes in the picture for two minutes. Just feel me so that I can continue working in your sleep.

Then don’t do anything else, otherwise it will be a disturbance.

When you have done everything, the day is gone and you are ready to sleep, sit on the bed and look into the picture. Just feel my presence as if you are just sitting in front of me, and within three weeks you will be able to almost realise that I am there, surrounding you. Then go to sleep, so I will start working on you in your sleep and things will start happening.

CHAPTER 6

2 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A visitor to the ashram, told Osho that she had been practising yoga for some time and had also worked at the jung institute.

Osho said that she was ready now to move into meditation.... ]

OSHO:... but you will have to find the right meditation for yourself, because there are a thousand and one techniques. All techniques are right, but all techniques are not right for one person. For one person, only two or three techniques at the most will be helpful. One can go on struggling with a wrong technique. Something will come out of it – it will give you a few glimpses – but it is not going to be your realisation. It cannot give you the ultimate.

The ultimate happens only when you have found exactly the right technique. Then it fits with you.

Everything falls into a whole. Fragments are no more fragmentary. They all fan in line and then you have no discordance in you. A deep accordance arises, a harmony. You become an orchestra. Ail the notes now are not contradictory to each other. They help, enhance and complement each other.

That’s what jung calls synchronicity: everything becomes synchronous, falls into a synthesis.

That’s where you become an individual. Before that you are a crowd. Only when one arises in you and everything is just a part of that one, an organic part, you become an individual, you become indivisible.

That is the basic meaning of the word ’yoga’. It means exactly what jung means by ’individuation’.

Yoga means becoming one, united, a unity, a unison, and the word ’individual’ also means the same: to become one, undivided. But that happens only when you go on working on many methods, because there is no certain way to know beforehand, a priori, what is going to suit you. Man has to grope in darkness. But something is going to suit you.

One has to try all the possibilities that become available. Then suddenly one day, something suits.

Then you have found your method – the search is no more for the method. Then you start working on the method... you start moving into your destiny. Before it, you were searching for the path. Now that the path is available, you start moving with your whole energy towards the goal.

So I will suggest that if you can be here for a few days, try the meditations we are doing here. If you can be here for the camp.... In the camp we do five meditations. Each meditation is for a specific type and I divide people into five types, so one or other of the five methods is going to suit you.

Ordinarily, one method suits. It is very rarely that somebody is so exceptional that nothing out of the five suits. But then too, I know how to work it out for him. If nothing suits for him, that too is a very good indication that he will need something of the sixth type, which is very rare; not a common type.

There are only seven types. Five are very common; almost ninety-nine percent of people belong to one of five types. Then the sixth type – almost four percent of people, very exceptional, rare people, belong to the sixth type. And very very rare is the one percent who belong to the seventh type. But once either of the five suits you, decide for it. If it doesn’t suit, then the sixth method can be tried. If that too doesn’t suit, then we are coming home, and the seventh is your method.

... Jung is closer to religion than any other psychologist, but though he is closest, he is not yet on the path of religion. His methods are still psychological, not spiritual. And that is bound to be so, because these people were pioneers in the west. He went further ahead than freud. He started feeling in the darkness for the beyond. So he comes closest to religion, but even he remains far away. So, good....

If one is addicted to freud it is very difficult for one to move into religion, because he is furthest away.

With jung you are closer. Many jungians are coming, but it is very difficult for freudians to come.

We have a very old sannyasin, paritosh – you must see him. He is one of the oldest colleagues of jung. He is a sannyasin who has come to be here permanently. He himself is a psychoanalyst of the jungian school. Meet him – his experience will be helpful to you, because he has travelled from jung towards me and it will be very helpful for you to move from jung towards me; it will be easier.

Talk to him about what has happened to him.

And be here... much is possible. You are open, and much is possible.

[The enlightenment intensive group is present. Osho had previously said about the group structure:]

That question is very good. Raman maharshi used only that meditation. Through that meditation he attained his enlightenment, asking, ’Who am I?’ That was his whole yoga, nothing else.

The meditation is tremendously powerful, but one should go as deep as possible. One should allow it to sink to one’s innermost core. It should penetrate you like an arrow going on and on and on, and suddenly one day a moment comes as if you are drilling a hole and suddenly the drill has passed to the other side.

It is a drilling exactly like that: Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Go on drilling and then suddenly you see that you have drilled the hole, you have reached to the core – and it is tremendously beautiful.

[The group leader says: I made a prayer in the beginning. I said that I could step aside and that you would do it.

... Things can be done very easy. If you leave them to me they can be done very easy. It is not a question of whether I come and do it or not. That is not the question.

Once you leave It to me, things start happening on their own. Then the cosmic energy is there when you just surrender. I am just an excuse for you to surrender. There is no need for me to come and work. Once you surrender to me, the cosmic energy is there... it is always there. Even when you are working on your own, then too it is cosmic energy working, but because of you there are a thousand and one hindrances.

You give a very narrow opening to it, and it is flood-like. So rather than making things easy, your small opening and the flood-like energy are constantly in conflict. It creates tension. Use me just as an excuse to surrender, then you are no more in the way. The flood spreads and things start happening on their own. They are always happening on their own. Once you understand it, everything is very simple and very satisfactory. Then nothing can go wrong.

Nothing ever goes wrong; whatsoever happens is right. Once you are not the doer, then everything is right. Once you are the doer, everything goes wrong. So very good.

[A group member said he had developed a very strong fever. Osho checks his energy.]

It was something beneficial for your body. Something like a complex of heat that you have always been carrying in the navel has been released. That’s why you felt feverish. A sort of fire of many things combined – anger, rage – was there like a complex near the navel. It has broken, and the heat was released.

And whenever it happens, of course the lower part of the body will be affected more, because for the energy to go up is difficult. For the energy to go down is very easy, so only a fragment of it went up; the major part went down. But it has been really beneficial. You will start feeling very very healthy soon – as you have never felt before – and a sort of coolness, a sort of collectedness, a tranquillity, will arise. But very good – feel happy about it.

Many people are carrying many things near the navel. When they explode, different things happen to the body, because everything that we go on repressing goes on into the stomach. It clings somewhere near the navel and goes on accumulating there. So it was not a fever of the body. The body was affected, but the fever was of the mind. Some deep wound in your childhood was still alive. But now it will heal. It has opened and the pus has been thrown out of it.

[A group member says: I had so many glimpses of just different things which don’t fit.]

Mm, don’t try to fit them into a whole, because right now only glimpses will be possible and they will all be fragmentary – as if you are getting different pieces of a painting. The whole painting is not available and you are trying to fit those different pieces together. But all the pieces are not available, so right now they won’t fit. One day they will fit. When all the pieces are available, suddenly you will be able to see that they all fit, but right now you have only a few pages. Those pages are also incomplete, and you are trying to make a whole book out of them. Don’t do that, because that will make you very puzled. Just go on collecting those glimpses. Don’t be in a hurry to fit them together.

When all the pieces are available they fit on their own accord. And only in the end do they fit, otherwise life remains a very puzling thing. Many things are there. Just take each individually. Don’t try to make a whole of it. Enjoy it. Put the fragment aside. Only in the end, things fit together.

When you have a complete perspective, when you can see the whole of life in one complete vision, then suddenly everything fits. Then one is simply surprised that such contradictory things are so complementary to each other; one cannot see even a single inconsistency. Everything seems to be consistent. But that happens only in the end. That is the final feeling; right now it is not possible.

So enjoy whatsoever happens but never try to fit two pieces together, otherwise you will create trouble. You will get very puzzled, confused, and in that confusion you will lose even those pieces.

So there is no need to make any consistent whole right now – nobody can. Just go on collecting, and when all is available they will fit.

[The group member added that the group had been very easy for him, but he wondered if he should make more effort when he felt low.]

That’s very good... that’s how it should be. Easy is right.

... no need to force yourself. Just enjoy the simplicity of things, the naturalness, and allow them to happen.

Just sit here with closed eyes.

... Just let the energy move. No need to push, no effort to manipulate, no effort to manage. Just allow it... move with it. In fact, let it possess you; don’t guide it. Just go with it in deep trust, in deep surrender....

[Osho said that the energy was moving very beautifully, and that he could do this meditation – of just allowing the energy to move as it wanted – whenever he felt to.]

CHAPTER 7

3 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin said she had done much work on herself in the states, participating in arica, est, fischer-hoffman therapy, and a vipassana course. She felt that the arica course lacked heart.

Osho said that he could see some traces of a lingering hardness in her face, but that it was no cause for concern and could be dropped.... ]

... and there is no goal, so all goal-oriented things are dangerous. The goal is here.

Whatsoever you are, you have to relax into it and celebrate it. Once you have a goal in the future and you start struggling for it, you are going into trouble. You are creating a sort of neurosis and a great tension. Then wherever you will be, you will be discontent. You will always be striving and reaching for something which does not exist. You exist – all ideas are fantasies. Never sacrifice yourself for any fantasy.

The real growth is not against you – the real growth is through you. The real growth is not even a struggle and effort, because it is not against you, so there is no fight. The real growth is effortless: one simply enjoys oneself, celebrates one’s being, and growth happens as a consequence, on its own accord.

But it is good that you did these things, because when people come directly to me it is sometimes very difficult for them to understand me. When they have been to many groups, teachers, therapies, occult schools, then their understanding of me is more direct because their whole experience helps.

So here I would like you to do a few groups... groups which are going to help you become more warm, more relaxed, which can help you to enjoy things as they are and which don’t enforce any goal in the future. And start meditating....

But remember that my meditations are not just techniques – love them. Joy is more basic, so when doing them, don’t carry a seriousness in your mind. Nothing is serious. Take more fun in things.

When doing meditations here, don’t carry the idea that you are doing very great religious work. No.

You are enjoying them like a dance, like a song. Make it more fun. Then you will relax more deeply and much more will become possible.

With aricans, that’s a problem. Many aricans are here, and by and by they understand what they have been doing – pulling themselves up by their shoe-strings – unnecessarily – because there is nowhere to go.

All that can happen has already happened. Nothing is expected from you, but only one thing –

that you just look around. Life is beautiful, god is hidden everywhere and in millions of ways... the celebration is already happening. The invitation has been given to you – simply participate.

There is no need to prepare. From this very moment one can participate. So don’t carry seriousness.

Nothing is wrong with man basically. It is just that one has to put one’s seriousness aside and be a child again.

[The sannyasin said: One of the therapies I did put emphasis on not being reincarnated again...

I’m trying not to hurt anybody, and even if I’m angry, just seeing that I’m angry but not putting it on somebody else.]

Mm... these are very dangerous notions, and once you are caught in them, ,they can crush your whole being. These are very fallacious attitudes. There is no need to think about the future or future lives – this moment is enough. And there is no need to be worried about past karmas, because nothing is there in really. It is just a memory, nothing else.

All the past has been nothing but a dream, because you have been asleep. It is as if somebody has been asleep and in the night he dreams that he murdered somebody. In the morning he awakes and is very guilty. Now he starts thinking, ’What to do? How to cancel this karma? I have killed somebody!’ But in a dream, whether you kill somebody or not, whether you help somebody or destroy somebody, makes no difference.

All the past you have lived, you have lived in a sleep. You have not been aware, so all that has happened has just been a dream. Now there is no need to be worried about it. That worry is dangerous because it continues to help the dream as if it is real. It goes on giving reality to the dream. Just see that you are the witness.

A man is not a doer. And karma means action, doing. Man is not a doer; everything happens. Your basic nature is just of a witness, of an observer, so there is no need to cancel anything; it is already cancelled. You are not carrying any past burden – it is just in the memory. If you want to carry it, you can, otherwise it is nowhere. The past exists not, and the future also does not exist. So there is no need to fight against the past; it is not there. You are fighting with shadows, and in fighting with those shadows you are destroying something very substantial, something very real, that is real right now.

This moment is the only reality – and the religious person is one who understands this.

The past is already cancelled and the future is not yet born. So enjoy this moment and allow your being to be true to yourself, because that is going to become the foundation. All future that is going to happen will happen through this moment which is passing by, slipping by. If you live it truly, then your future is bound to be beautiful because it will be based on this moment. So there is no need to be worried about it.

If you have lived this moment truly, authentically, lovingly, prayerfully, out of this prayerful moment the next will be born. It will have more intensity of love in it, more intensity of prayer. It will be more alive. Out of that moment another moment will be born. But you need not think about them; there is no need. Why waste this moment?

And be true.... Sometimes if you feel like being angry, be angry – nothing is wrong in it. The problem is that if you are not angry you will not be loving. All emotions are so together that if you repress anger you will repress love also. If you repress anger you repress compassion also. If you release compassion, suddenly you will become afraid that anger is also being released. You have to just sit upon the whole pile of your emotions – and that is very uncomfortable.

Release all that. When you are here with me, just be true. Then by and by I will give you certain methods in how to be aware and yet not repressing, because if awareness becomes a repression, the whole point is lost; then the medicine is already poisoned. Awareness is really good, but it should not be in any way repressive. First allow, first be expressive. Nothing is wrong.

Be human; don’t try to become superhuman. Just be human and accept the limitations of a human being. Sometimes, yes, there is anger; sometimes there is jealousy, sometimes there is hatred.

Accept. Man has these limitations. Don’t enhance your ego and say that you don’t have all these things. They are there and they are good. They make man humble.

So here just be relaxed, expressive, and live the moment. By and by I will tell you how to take hold of awareness in such a way that it is never repressive. Then it makes you happy and aware. It makes you blissful and aware. Otherwise you can become aware and can become very unhappy.

[A visitor says: I’ve been practising yoga for about two years... and reading and reading and reading.]

Yoga is good, but meditation is still needed. So rather than putting your energy into reading, put your energy into meditation.

Reading is good after meditation, very good, but before it, it can be dangerous. If you read too much you can become addicted to books and they destroy you, because then information goes on being piled up and it becomes a heavy burden. Then it creates confusion, because you can read the bible and the koran and the gita, and they are different languages, such different attitudes, so opposite to each other, diametrically opposite to each other. Your mind simply starts falling into parts. You don’t know what is true and what is right and what to do. Then a person becomes just a head, and goes on spinning. That is not going to help much; it can be very destructive.

Books are good when you have been meditating. Then you can see the point. If you read the gita you will be able to see that it is only a difference of language; it is the same thing as the bible. Then you read buddha and you see it is exactly the same thing as the gita. You can go on reading a thousand and one books but you always fall upon your own experience. You have something like a touchstone, a criterion; you can fall upon it and you can judge through it. Then things are never going apart, they start falling into a harmony – but that is possible only when you have your own experience.

Reading is not going to give you that experience, but if you have the experience, reading can give you much confirmation that you are on the right track, that you are not groping in darkness. Scriptures can become witnesses to you – that many have passed and many have come to know, and you are not alone. It can give you great courage and confidence. Otherwise it will give you conflict.

So reduce reading a little and put the same energy towards meditation... and meditation is totally different.

Reading means thinking and meditation means no-thinking. It is a totally different dimension of consciousness – where thoughts have to be dropped and one has to attain to a pure, silent space

– the zero space, where no object is. One is simply conscious but not conscious of anything... pure subjectivity – as if a lamp is burning in total emptiness. Light is there but nothing is lighted by it. It is not falling on anything... there is nothing. In that state of consciousness you will start experiencing something. And only experience is going to give you truth – not logic, not argument, not reading.

Reading can give you philosophy, but meditation can give you truth.

[A visitor said he was in some doubt as to the value of growth groups as one had to use verbal communication for things of the heart, which he felt could only be expressed heart-to-heart.]

I understand what you mean, but to reach to that communication of the heart you will have to pass through the mind; there is no other way.

The contemporary man is hanging around in the head. Even if you want to go to the heart, you will have to pass through the head; there is no other way. And you cannot simply say that you will communicate from the heart – you will remain in the head. Even to say this, you will need the head.

It is perfectly true.... What you are trying to convey to me is that a heart-to-heart communication is needed, but to reach the heart you have to pass through this jungle of the mind; otherwise you will never reach to the heart. And whatsoever you say about the heart will be just a mind thing. Even the word ’heart’ is in the mind. What we go on talking about as feeling, is nothing but our thinking.

Even when we say, ’I love this man,’ in fact it would be right to say, ’I think that I love this man.’

The heart has been lost. For centuries, man has been away from it. So it is going to be an arduous effort to reach the heart – and these groups help. Just do them here. You have done something in the west, that’s one thing. Just do them here so I can see what happens – and do them hard. Don’t go with this notion of what can happen with mind communication. Much is going to happen.

The way you have come here from the place where you are staying is the same road you will pass along when you go back. Just your direction will be different, but the road will be the same. If you say that this is not the right road because this road leads away from my road.... But the same road will lead towards your home, just the direction will be different.

Thinking has led one away from the heart. Now there are ways of thinking so that you can reverse the process and go back to the heart, but you will have to pass through thinking; there is no other way. Thinking cannot simply be avoided.

We have to accept the fact of our contemporary minds. We have to accept the fact that we are in the twentieth century. We have to accept the fact that our heads are cultivated too much.. It is already the case, so there is no point in just crying and weeping and complaining. It is the case that our minds are cultivated too much and our hearts are almost neglected.

So even when we talk about the heart, it is just in the mind. Even when you say that your heart is here, that too is just an idea in the mind. So do a group, and do it as intensely as possible – and much will happen. Just be open to me.

[The leader of the hypnotherapy group said: I’m always thinking that I should be doing something more for my personal growth. I’m not too sure about the balance between my pushing or letting it happen.]

Don’t push it, because that way it will not happen to you. There are people for whom it always happens when they push, but for you it will not happen that way.

Let it happen. When I say, ’Let it happen,’ I don’t mean don’t do anything. I simply mean don’t push.

Enjoy doing things, but in a very relaxed mood. Hurry slowly. Don’t be too impatient, because that impatience will be your barrier. That’s why I have called you ’santosh’; it means patience, it means contented. Wherever you are, you have to remain contented. In that let-go, many things can happen to you. There is no need to run.

So just relax here. Whenever you have time, do something, but do it in a very very joyful mood and without any expectations. If something happens, good. If nothing happens, that too is good. One should not demand that things should happen. That ’should’ creates tension in the mind, creates misery, a rift and a split. So enjoy small things more... taking your breakfast, drinking your tea, walking... just sitting doing nothing. Make them points of deep gratification, great joy. That is your meditation.

You can do any other meditation you want, you choose, but the mood should be playful. It should not be serious, that’s all. And things are going perfectly well. I am continuously watching you, so you need not worry.

[A sannyasin says: I don’t have any great experiences, visions or memories of past lives.... ]

There is no need. There is no need for great experiences. On4 fools have great experiences – and all great experiences are somehow ego-oriented. The very idea of greatness is an ego projection.

The real experiences are just ordinary experiences, very ordinary. One tends to ignore them – and they are the real experiences... just taking a shower and you feel peaceful... working in the garden and suddenly the clouds disperse and the sun has come and one feels good. Just sitting doing nothing... and one is in this moment here-now. One is in heaven, and paradise has happened. But these are not great experiences and you cannot talk about them. If you do, people will say, ’What are you talking about? There is nothing to talk about.’ But these are real experiences.

Real spiritual experiences are these – very ordinary. When peo-ple are talking about extraordinary experiences, then it is some ego-projection. So be aware of that. Be ordinary and you will never be unhappy. These great experiences and people who have great experiences, sooner or later fall into the ditch. They have great miseries also. People like [you] walk on the balanced ground. They never have peaks – they don’t have valleys.

So, very good. Just enjoy your silent experience.

[A sannyasin said: I had some experiences with kundalini where the energy felt so strong that it seemed that I almost strained my heart and I became frightened after that and stopped.

Osho checked his energy.]

Very good. It is going very well but you are still holding it a little. It is natural and you are not consciously holding it; it is an unconscious hold. It will re!ax by and by, but things are going very well

– don’t get frightened.

... It is powerful but it is not going to tear you apart. In fact it will weld you into a whole. You are already apart, so it cannot tear you apart.

Through it, you will become crystallised and one, but it is of tremendous power, so one gets afraid.

But just allow it. Very good.

[The primal therapy group was present tonight. Osho has said about it:]

Primal therapy simply means taking people back to their childhood. They will have to relive it in imagination, and whatsoever has remained incomplete will have to be completed in imagination.

Then these problems will simply disappear. It is sometimes very hard to go back again to those old wounds and to let them overpower you again, to again suffer those things that you had been thinking had completely disappeared, but the wounds are there and they have to be healed. The primal therapy group will take you on an inner journey.

[The groupleader said: It’s difficult.]

Mm mm, it is difficult... the process is difficult. And helping people is not an easy thing, cannot be, because they are like rocks. Much work has to be done – only then they melt They have a thousand and one fears and so many defences, but all those defences can be broken and all those fears can be dropped. Hard work is needed.

Primal is an arduous group because it leads you deeply into the past. There are problems with the birth. There are problems with the childhood, with the father and mother, the parents. The whole problem is somewhere near the age of three or four. Ordinarily, a person has learned all his problems by the time he is four. Then he goes on repeating the same nonsense again and again on different planes, in different situations, but the secret he has learned is the same.

He may be eighty, but he will repeat the same tricks that he learned by the time he was four. So to break that barrier is going to be hard. You are unconditioning the person; you are bringing him back to his childhood, to the rejected, denied part of his being. He will be afraid and will try to escape again and again.

So hard work is needed, and it can only be done when you have much compassion and love for people. The more you love, the less hard it will appear to you. The less you love, the harder it will appear to you.

If you love totally, there is no problem – so love more, mm? Good.

[A group member said that though he felt he was beginning to move, fear made him tend to dose up again and he didn’t know what to do about this.

Osho said there was nothing to do but be aware of it. Only consciousness can help one break old habits and when one was watching, one could not remain closed.

Another sannyasin said he felt stuck, as if he was scared to go any further because all those things that gave him security and held him together would be threatened. He said there was one moment when he felt he might have broken through, but he let the moment slip by.

Osho reassured him that this always happens the first time, and that next time he should be more courageous, otherwise he would remain stuck and his life-energy would become stagnant. He said there was nothing to fear because that which could be lost, would be; there was nothing one could do about it. And that which could not be lost, would never be, because whatsoever belongs to you belongs to you forever.]

[A group member said that the memory of his mother hitting him when he was small caused him to close up.

Osho tells the group leader to enact the situation in the group the next day... ]

And you just become a child. Lie down and let her hit you – and don’t reply to her, because a child cannot reply. If you start replying you will miss the point. You are not to hit her. A child cannot do anything – he is just helpless – so be helpless. And just tell her exactly how your mother was hitting you, so that she will do the same. It is just to enact the whole thing again, so you can relive the moment.

It is not a question of hitting your mother, because a child of two cannot hit. You can hit, but you don’t have the problem. The problem is with the child of two years, and a child cannot hit the mother.

So the only thing that is going to help you is to move through that state consciously, that’s all.

Consciousness is an eraser. Just let the whole scene be enacted so that you can again become the child and you can consciously see your helplessness, your fear, the danger to your life, your insecurity, your mother behaving like an enemy and you not being able to do anything. Just see it.

Cry if you want, weep, scream, but don’t hit her back. The whole point is that you pass though it very consciously, alert. Once you relive it with full consciousness, it is erased. Nothing else is to be done.

And you are going so well, that’s why you have come to this point. Otherwise it is difficult to get beyond the age of four. Three is difficult, two is very difficult. And once this barrier is crossed, you may be able to pass even to the moment when you were born, and there will be such a release. You will come out totally new.

CHAPTER 8

4 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[Osho suggested that a visitor do the camp, because one cannot observe what meditation was from the outside; one needs to participate. He added that participation does not mean following or becoming a follower, but simply seeing for yourself what it is about. Osho recommended that simon do the encounter group, saying... ]

... at your age a man needs to know many things about his own being, then he makes less errors in his life. Otherwise, everybody repeats the same errors, and by the time one becomes aware that these are erroneous things, so much is lost – so much energy is wasted, so much time has slipped away – that even when you know that something is wrong, there is no point in doing anything. It is too late. Those things can be understood at a very early stage of life. When your energy moves on better paths, with more awareness, and you experience life more intensely, you understand many things which many people never understand. They are born and they die, but the understanding never happens to them.

A life lived without understanding is a life wasted.

So first do the camp. And before the camp you can also start participating in the morning and evening meditations, just to get the feeling. And don’t be afraid of sannyas. I am not going to make you a sannyasin, so don’t be defensive. Even if you ask, I am not going to make you a sannyasin, so just drop that fear. Otherwise that fear will not allow you to be here. Physically you may be, spiritually you cannot be. And it always happens that if your. parents are on a certain trip, you become afraid.

It is very difficult to agree with one’s own parents, very difficult.

So just drop that fear. Even if you ask, you will have to ask thrice, then I will give you sannyas, not before (laughter). Just enjoy being here and participate, mm? Good.

[A sannyasin says: I killed the cat today. But I went through a lot of changes seemg how my love, even with an animal, goes through both extremes – either really pouring love into it, or being extremely hurtful, and anger arising when love doesn’t return.]

Mm mm... nothing to be worried about. You have also killed the cat inside you with it. There is nothing to worry about – that cat will be reborn – but you have killed something cat-like within you too, and that’s good. That’s why you have become so shaken: you have killed the animal within you.

That cat was simply symbolic; you projected it on her.

But it is good to cry and weep and feel sad inside – good, but don’t be worried. Something in you which was boiling to a point, has evaporated. Something within you has died and you will never be the same again. If you can watch it, it will never arise again. So bury your violence, anger, rage, with the cat; mourn for it.

Every woman carries a cat inside, and one day or another that cat has to be killed. And unless that cat is killed, a woman remains a witch. These are just symbols. In mythology they have become stories, myths, parables, but they are really beautiful symbols. A woman is cunning like a cat, intuitive like a cat, slippery like a cat, illogical like a cat. All these things you can drop, and this moment can become a great opportunity, so just don’t miss it.

For three days be in deep mourning... really sad. Somebody very very deeply related to you has died. A part of you, a member of your being has died, an aspect of your being has died. But use this opportunity, otherwise you can re-grow that part again, that’s the trouble.

Many times it happens that a certain part dies, but if you are not alert you can grow it again. It is just as when a branch has been pruned and another branch arises and replaces it, maybe even stronger than the first. So for these three days just meditate and feel sorry, sad – but something of tremendous import has happened.

Just close your eyes and go into as deep sadness as you can, and if something happens in the body, allow it... be possessed by sadness. Let it penetrate, as deeply as possible... a dark night of the soul.

[Osho had given a sannyasin, who habitually said ’no’ to everything, a meditation to say ’yes’ to everything for seven days. Tonight she reports back: Once I stopped saying no and started saying yes, and I felt all my confidence going and I felt really shaken, really at a loss.]

Mm, that’s bound to happen, because no has become your personality. That has become your definition. That’s how you know who you are – a no-sayer. That has become the very centre of your ego – and no becomes very easily the centre of the ego. In fact, yes cannot become the centre of the ego.

That’s why so many people are no-sayers. Even if they don’t say it outward4, deep inside they say no. Sometimes they even say yes on the outside, but that yes is diplomatic, utilitarian, because they know that no-saying will be too troublesome. But if they were allowed all freedom and all facility, they would have said no. Because of the force and the pressure of circumstances they say yes, but that yes-saying is valueless unless you say it from your heart.

No-saying is a vitamin for the ego. So whenever you say no you feel good, because then you feel that you are somebody – you can say no. When you say yes, you feel shaken; then you are not. But by this no-saying, whatever you are gaining is just a tension. It is not really being.

That is the meaning of the ego. The ego gives you a feeling of being, and it is not; it is only apparently so. It is a substitute being, a false being, a pseudo being. It gives you a feeling that you are somebody, without really giving you any hold, any roots in the being. It simply deceives you.

It robs you of your real being and gives you false notions.

[She says: I want to make the yes come from the heart. I mean, it’s difficult – it rarely comes from the heart.]

Just go on trying, because there is nothing else. This no-saying is not coming from the heart. It can come from somewhere else, but it can never come from the heart, because the heart is always a yea-sayer, and the heart has no ego.

No always comes from the mind so it is just a habit – and a habit can be broken. To break it you have to create the opposite habit, that’s all. So that’s why I told you to say yes. Even if you realise after half an hour, that too is good. At least you realised. By and by, you will realise twenty minutes, ten minutes, one minute afterwards. Immediately you say no, you will realise. And then a moment comes, that before you have said no, you realise. But it comes slow4, so there is no hurry.

[She asks: Do I have to say yes to everything?]

In the beginning, yes, because if I give you any opportunity to say no, you will continue to say no.

Once you have started saying yes to everything, then I will say that now you can decide. Then you will be free to say no or yes. Right now, say yes to everything. What can you lose by saying yes?

Yes, somebody can take your money – so let him. Somebody can deceive you a little – so what basically is lost? But you will be gaining so much out of your yes-saying.

It is not for your whole life that you have to say yes to everybody and everything. This is just a temporary measure to help you break the old habit. So if you really want to come to a point where you are free to say yes or no, you have to break this habit of no-saying. You are not really free. You are obsessed with the no; you are not free to say no. Only a person who is capable of saying yes is free to say no, otherwise no is obsessive. It is a bondage. It is not your freedom.

[She then says: I’ve always believed that old habits can’t be changed.... Because I tried it before and nothing changed.]

If habits can be cultivated, then why cannot they be changed?

... You have not tried. You never wanted to change them. If you want to change them, in fact no effort is needed. Effort is needed because deep down you don’t want to change them. If you want to change them, this very moment they drop. I can take them away. This very moment you can offer them to me and be finished with them. Then there is no need to say yes to everything. I can make you free from tomorrow morning to say yes or no, whatsoever is right.

Habits can be changed because habits are just cultivated things. They are not your nature. You are not born with them – you learn them. Whatsoever can be learned, can be unlearned. It is simple arithmetic. You learn a thing and by and by you slowly practise it. You condition yourself for a certain thing....

You start smoking. In the beginning it is not very pleasant. One feels suffocated, nauseous; one starts coughing and breathing feels difficult. But by and by you go on practising. The body has to adjust – it adjusts – and then that which was uncomfortable in the beginning becomes one of the most comfortable things. So whenever you are in tension you smoke, and it gives you a certain kind of solace and comfort. It may not give, but at least it helps you to release your tension and stress momentarily. Then you find it difficult to drop. You have to go backwards the same way, slowly; uncondition it.

Every habit can be dropped. There is no habit which cannot be dropped. If there is some habit which cannot be dropped, then it is not a habit at all. It must be deeper than a habit: it must be your nature. And this no-saying is not natural because every child is born as a yea-sayer. No-saying is learnt from the society. Try it, mm? – and enjoy it.

See what happens. You will be shaken, but that is the whole thing to be done. You have to be shaken... you have to be completely destroyed. And when you have become capable of saying

’yes’, then I will allow you to say yes or no. Then you are free. So do it faster if you want to be free of it! (laughter)

[A sannyasin said he did the Encounter group and a great deal of anger came up. He found it hard to accept that it was inside him: I accept its being there but I don’t feel it’s part of me.]

Exactly right – that’s how it is it is inside but it is not part of your nature. It has come inside from the outside. It does not belong to you. You have possessed it, it has possessed you, but it can be dispossessed; you can drop it. It is something that has entered because you were unaware.

The master of the house is fast asleep, and robbers and thieves come and enter the house and take whatsoever they want, or people even start residing in the master’s house because he is asleep.

When he awakes it is very difficult to throw them out. They have lived there for so long. A few of them even start thinking that they are the masters. A few of them will give you a great struggle; they will not leave easily. And they not only believe – they feel that they are the masters, because they have been masters for so long.

Anger has been your master for so long. You have never tried to claim your mastery over it.

Whenever it was there, it was the master and you were the slave. You have functioned as a slave for so many lifetimes that when suddenly one day you say, ’I am the master,’ anger laughs. He says,

’Have you gone crazy? I will put you in your place! Let somebody come across and insult you –

then we will see who is the master. Let somebody come and hurt you, and then we will see who the master is.’ And it is not going to leave its throne easily; nobody does. It has been so dominant and so dictatorial.

But your understanding is correct – that it is a foreigner, it is something from the outside. It has corrupted you, but it is not part of you. It has lived long enough in you, so it almost seems that it is inside, but it is not. And both things have to be remembered: that it is inside and has been there for long, and yet it is not really inside, because at the deepest core only you are there – no anger, no greed, no lust; nothing of the sort... only pure consciousness.

But good. You have understood something very meaningful. Good.

[A sannyasin says: I feel that I’ve been running and hiding from you... I feel afraid and ashamed actually to be saying that with you around. It seems silly – what I’m saying.]

It is not silly – it is natural. But what exactly is the problem? Can you pinpoint it?

... Mm, but good that you feel ashamed, because that means that you really want to face it. Because if you don’t want to, there is nobody who is making any effort to force it on you. I’m not here to make you feel in any way guilty or ashamed. If you don’t want to do a certain thing, if you don’t want to face up to a certain situation, it is for you to decide. If you decide not to face it, there is no need; but deep down you want to, because you know that without facing it you will never grow.

So you feel ashamed. It is not really hiding from me – you are hiding from yourself. And that’s what actually happens: when a person starts hiding from me he is trying to hide from himself, because what else is the point? I never condemn anybody. I never judge anybody. I am not a christian at all (laughter) and in my cosmology there is no hell, no heaven. Whether you sin or you don’t sin, you go to heaven! In my cosmology, heaven is the only place one goes. There is no other way; one cannot escape from it. So that’s not the problem. Nobody need to be afraid of me in any way.

But the problem arises because you start feeling guilty – because you know what is right, and that knowing creates guilt. It is not some commandment enforced from the outside. It is some insight within you – that you know that this is the right thing to do, and you don’t do it. Then you start feeling guilty that you have not been able to follow your own awareness.

This guilt is beautiful. If somebody else makes you feel guilty, that’s very poisonous. Then that person is very destructive. That person is trying to dominate you, to cripple you, to paralyse you.

That person is trying to enforce his own ideas on you – and that’s not good.

But if your own awareness gives you the idea that you knew what was right to do and still you have not been doing it.... And there is no other outside authority to decide what is right and what is wrong; only you are left alone to decide. That’s my whole effort here – to leave you alone to decide. Then real guilt arises and you cannot escape from it. How can you hide from it? Wherever you go, you will know.

But good, you have understood it. Now it is up to you whether to continue hiding or to face it.

Facing, one grows. Hiding, one avoids opportunities to grow. So never lose an opportunity, because an opportunity lost is lost forever. That same opportunity will not come across you again because the time that is gone cannot be recalled. The moment the situation is gone, it is gone forever... it is gone utterly. You missed it. So don’t miss it in future.

Whenever an opportunity arises that gives you a challenge to face be courageous and face it. By facing it, you will transcend it. By fighting with it, by giving a good fight to the situation, you will attain to a sharpness of consciousness, to a certain aliveness in you. You will really feel very alive when you overcome the situation. Otherwise one becomes dull. By and by one becomes almost dead.

Good.

[Osho gives someone a ’come close’ darshan.]

Everything is going well.

You have said it – and to say it through energy is a better way to say it. If you can be possessed by my energy and you can let go and can sway, you can convey more deeply that which cannot be conveyed by any verbal communication, because verbal communication is very superficial communication. All that is significant can only be conveyed through energy communication.

Two lovers hold each other’s hands and something is communicated. Or two lovers kiss each other, and something is communicated, or they embrace and something is communicated. When you allow yourself to be possessed by my energy, something in the deepest core of your being starts conveying, because those movements are not coming from your mind. It is a code. Those movements are coming from the very source of your being.

Whenever you feel that you have something to say and you cannot find how to say it, say it through energy. You can dance, you can sing, you can just sit and allow things to happen. And all of my sannyasins by and by have to learn how to communicate through non-verbal energy, because by and by you will start feeling that it is more difficult to say anything, and you still want to say something.

You have something to convey, but you don’t know how to put it into words, how to tackle it through language; you cannot figure it out. So you want to say something and you don’t find the right words to say it. Language is not adequate. It is a good indication that something deeper than the mind is happening.

That which can be said simply shows that it is happening only in the mind; you have still not crossed the boundary of the mind, still the heart has not been touched. When the heart is touched, one feels almost incapable of saying anything. And there are even deeper layers than the heart.

When the being is penetrated, one is simply at a loss. There is no way. One is simply dumb. That’s what’s happening to you. Good... be happy about it. Be happily dumb (a chuckle). Good.

CHAPTER 9

5 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A visitor says he is studying massage.]

No, it is good. It is a great art, so don’t just study it as a profession. No, learn it as an art.

The human body is the greatest mystery in existence, and massage is trying to get in tune with the energy of the human body. So whatsoever appears on the surface is not so significant. In fact, what happens inside the energy system is the most significant thing. And once you start loving it, you are playing with tremendous energy. You can create so many patterns through that energy, and you can help tremendously. You can also be helped through it, because by knowing others’ bodies and their energies, you will understand your own body and your own energy and its functioning, more and more. It is going to help you in your inner growth.

And you have been a mechanic before? That you have to un-learn, because the body is not a machine. That can be a hindrance to you. Once you work with machines your whole attitude becomes technological. And the body is very fragile; it is not a machine at all. It is full of the unknown... it is a vehicle of the unknown. It is alive – no machine is alive – and that makes the whole difference. If you look at the body like a machine, you are looking at a corpse, not an alive body. You cannot massage a corpse. You can manipulate, but you cannot massage. Manipulation is one thing – massage is totally different.

Massage is to come to a rapport with the aliveness of somebody else’s body and to feel where it is missing, to feel where the body is fragmentary and to make it who!e... to help the energy of the body so it is no more fragmentary, no more contradictory. When the energies of the body are falling into line and becoming an orchestra, then you succeed,

So be very respectful about a human body. It is the very shrine of god, the temple of god. So with deep reverence, prayer, learn your art. It is one of the greatest things to learn. And when you have learned, come back again! Mm? Good!

[A sannyasin says she does not enjoy sex, which is disturbing to her boyfriend. She says: I’ve never really been in a relationship where I felt secure with someone. I always used sex to keep someone and pretended that I enjoyed it.]

Mm mm. In fact you have never enjoyed love, it seems. You have been political about it; you have been using it for other means.

Sometimes one feels lonely, and one pretends in a relationship so as not to be lonely and just to be with somebody. Sometimes one feels good because one feels powerful over the other. Then one uses sex as bait. Sometimes one feels very egoistic that one can conquer so many men or so many women, and one goes on conquering. Then love becomes like a domination. One enjoys the domination, not the love itself. That’s why this problem is arising now.

When such a person settles with somebody the problem arises, because now there is no point in making love to that person. You have already won him over, so what is the point of going on making love to this person? Now there is no politics in it.

So it happens only because you have been carrying a very wrong attitude about love. You have not enjoyed its intrinsic value; you have used it for something else. So when you are one with the person and things have settled, you are not interested in sex, in love, or in anything. You are not even interested that he should touch your body, but then why should he be with you? For what? If you don’t want him to touch your body, you will not want to touch his body also, because these are reciprocal. Then why be together? Be alone. Otherwise the whole misery of love remains, and all that is beautiful disappears. Two persons are there just racking each other’s nerves. For what?

If you are not feeling any pleasure, if something is not deeply satisfied with being together, then all the conflict, nagging, fighting is for what? It can be tolerated if something beautiful is happening –

then it is worthwhile – but if it has stopped, why go on being together? Separate. But that is not going to help. Once you are separate you will again start playing your old games because again you are free to dominate, to try here and there, to win people over, to make somebody a partner. But this is self-defeating. Once you try these things and you pretend love, you pretend happiness, when you have achieved the goal, suddenly all happiness disappears.

So it is not going to help to drop out of the relationship. Rather, drop out of the political mind. The body is beautiful. And if he loves, he will touch your body. Why feel repulsed? Have you some hatred about your body? You must be carrying some hatred about your body, you must be somehow against your body. You cannot believe why this man is touching your body – such a dirty body. You will never touch it and he is touching and enjoying it! So that man also becomes repulsive. But the basic idea in your mind is that somehow your body is repulsive. Many people have been conditioned that way – that the body is repulsive.

The body is the most beautiful thing in the world. No flower can compete with it. It is the most complex flowering of nature.

So love your body, enjoy it. Enjoy touching yourself. Feel blissful with it. It is a miracle – that out of nothing, out of matter, such immaterial beauty arises. And enjoy it when he loves your body...

enjoy that. Sex is nothing but two persons sharing each other’s energy, that’s all. If it disappears on both sides – and that is possible only when you have started meeting on a higher level.... There are higher levels also, but they are not against the body. And that distinction has to be remembered.

There are higher levels of merging, but they are not against the body – they are beyond the body.

One passes through the body, goes beyond the body. They are based in the body, but go higher than the body. They are rooted in the body.

So love. Bodily love is good – but don’t stop there. Try to find deeper levels, higher levels of communication. Then one day just holding hands is so orgasmic that a sexual orgasm pales before it. Looking into the other’s eyes, one is immediately transported into another world. Then a moment comes when just the memory of the beloved – just the very glimpse, the idea that he exists – is enough to make one orgasmic, to give one a shivering delight as if a great lightning has happened from the toe to the head and your whole body is thrilled... full of something of the divine.

These layers are possible but they are not possible if you are against the body. And this is the problem to be understood: a person who is against the body always remains in the body. A person who is against materialism always remains a materialist, because whatsoever you are against, you can never get rid of.

If you really want to go beyond the body, then love the body so tremendously that it starts showing you its innermost chambers; that it allows you: ’Come in more’; that it says, ’Now you have earned it – come in more. Don’t stand in the porch. Now the whole palace is yours.’

So rather than dropping out of the relationship, try, make every effort. Because if you cannot enjoy his lovemaking or your lovemaking, you will never attain to prayer, never, because it is a sort of lovemaking with the whole. So be prayerful. Touch his body with reverence. Allow him to touch your body... invite him to touch your body with reverence. Delight in it... it is god’s gift.

But you must be carrying some christian ideas in your mind. Some christian priests and popes must be standing behind you and manipulating you... condemnatory voices, conditionings inside. Drop all that nonsense. Say goodbye to all the christians you must be carrying inside. Be a pagan – I am a pagan – and learn much from epicurus. Just change your attitudes.

I have always been feeling that you have a very rigid ideology inside and that is making your whole face rigid, your whole body rigid. Melt! No need to remain so ice cold. Warm up a little.

[Osho says to the boyfriend:]

Help her to come out of her castle. She lives in a castle, so bring her out. Love her more. She will only understand the language of love. And three things for you....

One, love her more but don’t ask for sex. If she invites you, only then, otherwise not – at least for one month. Because your very effort will create a resistance in her. So simply love, be loving, be prayerful, but don’t ask for sex.

Many women have a very wrong idea that they are needed only for sex, so that becomes like a commodity. And they give it very grudgingly because they know that if they give it to you they are used, and then they cannot dominate you. So they start dominating you through not giving it; they starve you. So you go around them with a wagging tail, and they enjoy. They think that it is something that they can withhold and can starve you of, and then you become a slave.

Never force sex on any woman, and you will be surprised; they will be running around you wagging their tails – because they need it as much as you. They love it as much as you – in fact more than you, because a woman can enjoy sex more than a man. For a man,. sex is a very local affair. For a woman it is a very big thing – bigger than herself. Man is a big circle and sex is a small circle in it.

The woman is just the opposite: sex is a big circle and the woman is a small circle in it.

She enjoys it but she doesn’t want to show it, because if she shows you that she enjoys it then how will she dominate you? She holds herself hard, stiff, rigid, and she tries to prove that she does not want it at all. She can give it to you if you ask, but then you have to be grateful to her. She obliges you. This is the politics.

So for one month don’t ask for sex at all. It will make it easy for her to come down to the earth and she will be coming more and more towards you. To help her, simply stop asking. Just be loving. If she invites, good. If she does not invite, then it is not gentlemanly to ask. Just wait.

And the second thing. She has a very anti-attitude about the body, so don’t touch her body with any lust in your mind. When you are feeling lustful don’t touch her body. Just tell her...’I will not touch your body. I am feeling lustful in this moment.’ Only touch her body when you are feeling very very prayerful, meditative, no lust – just loving. You understand what I mean?

When you are lustful, you are asking for sex, you are starved. Then the whole mind is just planning for sex. Then your touch and other things are just seductions. But the deep message is: ’I am hankering for your body.’ No, that moment is not the right moment – at least not for one month.

When you are feeling very happy and contented and there is no need for any other’s body, then touch her body in a very prayerful mood, and she will be very happy. She will be able to see that you are not asking for the body. That is the way you can help her to come out of her condemnatory attitude, her anti-body attitude.

And the third thing: don’t be together too much. That’s how many love-affairs are destroyed. Enjoy your own space alone and let her also enjoy her space alone. Sometimes meet, sit together, but don’t make it a twenty-four-hour affair. Leave her alone so that she starts having some appetite for you, otherwise the appetite is killed. It is just as when food is there in the fridge twenty-four hours and you are looking at it; the appetite is killed.

So don’t be together too much. Lovers should be very very economical about that. The more and more you are missing, the more she misses you. Then when you come she will be more open to receive you. So first create the appetite, then you can enjoy the meal.

These three things.... And everything is good. Don’t be worried.

[The vipassana group was present at darshan tonight. Recently bhagwan said of this method: It is buddha’s special method that he gave to the world. It is through vipassana that he became enlightened. It is through vipassana that thousands of people became enlightened, so it is one of the greatest routes to the ultimate. But one has to do very hard work. It is arduous. Put whatsoever you have at stake – only then will you have a taste of it.’

[The group leader said: They were very hard-working... a conscientious lot. The first thing is that in this group several people were driven mad by their minds, so I suggested a technique of slow sustained hard breaths, which seemed to work. Someone else was going into womb-like trances, so I suggested they stop looking at the breath and just watch.

I wondered if this was the right thing to do or if it was against vipassana to try to use the breath a bit like this.]

No, you can do it. You have just to look at the situation. Never pay too much attention to the technique. Pay more attention to the person, because the person is important, not the technique.

The technique can be modified here and there, but it has always to fit the person; the person has not to fit with the technique, never. No technique is that important. But always remain flexible.

[The group leader says that since he has recently fallen in love, he finds it difficult to take meditation seriously. He asks: is vipassana is something that you can do for a long period and then it comes to an end. Is it something that is good for a long period of time but there are just fallow patches where you’ve got to drop it, or should you just go on when you’re not feeling particularly attracted to it?]

No, it is a very very long process and it never comes to an end. You can go in this method to the very last goal of enlightenment. It is not that it comes to a point where it doesn’t work and you have to change the method and do something else, no. It is a very slow-going process; twenty years are nothing. But many times your moods will change, so sometimes it fits, sometimes it doesn’t fit. Don’t bother about whether it fits or not. Just continue it as a natural routine.

Eating, sleeping, taking your bath... you don’t think about whether to take a bath or not. You simply take it as a matter of course. Vipassana is like that. It is a very mild, slow-working, homeopathic method; very mild, small doses.

... there is nothing to worry about. It is just to be carried on with as a matter of course; whether you are flowing in or out – irrelevant. The method has to be continued.

By and by, you will see many beautiful things. Sometimes they will happen when the energy is flowing out... sometimes very rare experiences. So simply continue.

[The leader then asks about the difference between prayer and meditation.]

Prayer and meditation are different methods. Love becomes prayer. If you go on loving, then the very depth of love is prayerful. When you love a person, in the beginning it is more or less sexual.

You are attracted by the body, the face, the physiology, the proportions, the eyes, the hair, the voice

– superficial things. If you go on loving the person, by and by these things become irrelevant. They are important only when you have not met the person or you have not been in relationship, then they are meaningful.

When you are with a person, by and by you completely forget the colour of the eyes and the voice and the face, the body and the curves; that becomes irrelevant. Something deeper becomes relevant: the attitudes of the person, the moods of the person. If you Still continue and the relationship goes on growing, by and by those too become irrelevant.

You know that sometimes the person is sad, sometimes the person is happy, but that too becomes irrelevant. Now you are simply attracted to the very presence of the person. Her or his simply being delights you... just the presence is nourishing. It strengthens you. It simply makes you joyful for no reason at all... just the presence. And as these layers are gone through and you are reaching towards the innermost core of the person, then by and by you start feeling a deep reverence arising in love. It was not before – you were both on equal ground.

Suddenly a reverence arises. The person starts feeling to be sacred, holy. With all the limitations, with all the barriers and the screens, still you can glimpse that the innermost core is simply holy, divine. Then love starts changing into prayer. And when you have looked into one person and have found this innermost glow, then you know the knack of it. Then you can look into any person and you can see it. You can look into the trees and you can see it. You can look into rocks and you can see it.

Suddenly you become aware that that one person has opened the door of being prayerful. Then you are in deep reverence – moving; sitting, sleeping, you know you are surrounded by god... something of tremendous beauty – and you are thankful, grateful. That’s what I mean by prayer.

[A sannyasin says: I have a belief that I have to direct my life to become more and more open, but when I’m thinking that, I feel very alone, very helpless.]

You will feel, because whenever one wants to direct one’s own life, one has decided to be alone.

With that very attitude – that you have to direct your life – you have broken yourself away from the whole. You have become an island. You could have become part of the continent.

The moment you say, ’I have to direct my life,’ struggle arises. Then you start fighting – as if things are not happening as they should and you have to force them to happen as they should.

[The sannyasin says that he also has a feeling to be passive and let things happen, but that this would be sloppy. He had done a lot of work on himself to be more aware... ]

That will make you isolated. That’s what is making you isolated. What can you do? You are a sloppy person! So if you are unconscious, you are unconscious. Just say to people, ’Sorry, I am an unconscious person, and that’s how it happened.’ The very idea that you are responsible makes you again isolated. The very idea that you have to be more aware makes you isolated – and that is not going to help you.

There are people whom that method helps; that is not going to help you. I’m not saying that anything is wrong in it. It is not going to help you. To you, the way is surrender. Just drop all nonsense about directing your life. Just be an actor – there is no need to be a director. The director is there already.

He has planned and things are moving... the story is already written. Everything is ready – you have just to be an actor, a vehicle, so that whatsoever he prompts from the back of the stage, you simply do. That is going to be your flowering. It is not awareness which is going to help you. It is being more and more deeply in tune with existence... almost drunk with it. So be a drunkard, and allow the whole to function through you.

Nothing is wrong in being passive. That’s how things are going to happen to you. And I am ready to take the whole work for you. You can leave it to me.

For one month just move slowly with no direction and with no effort, with no proposition for the future, with no plan. Just meditate, sit, eat, sleep, love, pray, rest. But move moment to moment, knowing well that whatsoever is running the world will take care of [you also. Mm? – such a big world, so many stars and so many suns and so many earths, and everything is going perfectly well. So why should you be worried? The one who takes care of this all, or the no-one who takes care of this all, can take care of you also.

You don’t seem to me such a problem that god will not be able to... (laughter)

... Just be sloppy. For one month simply try it, and then you can choose. If you feel like being a director then, even if it brings misery and confusion, then it is for you to choose. But for one month just give it a try just to see whether ...

[A group member said the group was torture for him: I feel a total loss... I can’t do anything without having to control it. I can’t be an observer.]

Mm, I understand.

Two things.... One is, everybody one day or other comes to realise that one is at a total loss, because all efforts that a man can make are doomed to fail. And if you have really understood that you are at a total loss, then a great transformation is possible. But I don’t see that you have seen yet that it is a total loss. You say it, but you have not seen it. You are still thinking you will be able to manage.

So that’s creating the trouble – that you think you can manage, that you think that you can do something... if not today, then tomorrow, if not this way, then in another way, but there must be a way.

A man is almost impotent; there is no way to do anything. If this total loss sinks deep in you, if this failure becomes really substantial and you can accept it, the change is bound to happen. Then you start living a totally new life – not that you change anything; you simply start living a totally new life.

Then there is nothing to manage, nothing to do.

The whole thing looks to you like a torture – it is a torture. The day one realises that there is nothing to improve upon and nowhere to go and that all improvement and the very idea of improvement is sheer nonsense, then one sees that one has been torturing oneself and one relaxes. There is nothing to do. One simply lives a simple life of enjoying small things, of doing certain things but with no great projections and no great ideas. That’s what the first satori in the journey is – realising that there is no way to improve upon yourself. You are simply yourself... you are already that.

But to know it one has to pass through many tortures, and vipassana is a great torture. Many people have realised through it because it is a great torture. It is one of the most significant methods ever evolved which brings a person to a point where he collapses completely.

So it has been a good insight. If you understand it, just do one thing – and that is nothing like doing

– just be. If you feel like doing a few groups, do, but there is no need to be an achiever. You are not going to achieve anything. If you enjoy them, do them. If you enjoy the meditations, do them. If you don’t, then don’t do them.

If you ask me, I don’t see that there is any need for you to improve. You are perfect – as everyone is perfect. Everybody is perfect, but to recognise that is very difficult because we have been taught ideas of improvement, achievement – that one has to go somewhere, that one has to rush. Time is short and there are many things to do and life is slipping by. One gets more and more agitated, and in that agitation there is much confusion and much torture.

There is nowhere to go.

[The sannyasin says: My whole childhood I tried to comply and never rebelled, and now all I want is to rebel, but it’s the same trying.]

It is the same trap – whether you comply or rebel. They are two aspects of the same coin –

obedience and rebellion. All the people who rebel have been forced to be obedient somewhere or other, so that is the natural consequence of it.

A real rebel is one who drops the whole coin of obedience, disobedience... who simply lives and is not worried whether to comply or whether to rebel, because in both ways you are being directed by others. Either you have to comply or you have to rebel, but the other is the deciding factor.

If I say go to the left, you go because I have said, or you don’t go because I have said, but in both ways I have been the decisive factor, and in both ways you are complying. Whether you say yes or no makes no difference. Now drop the whole thing.

[The sannyasin answers: I saw that over and over again in the last few days. Ever since I remember, I can’t let go.]

Then accept it. What can you do? When I say drop it, I simply mean this – that if you cannot drop it, then accept it. That’s what dropping is. Because if you start dropping and you cannot, then a new idea has arisen: now you have to drop it. What I mean by dropping is that it is irrelevant. Accept it.

That’s what dropping is.

Just be for one month. Be here, just floating. And when I say floating, I’m not saying that it will always be beautiful. Sometimes it will be very miserable. So don’t think that if you are miserable you are not floating. Sometimes it is miserable.

I’m not saying just relax so there will be no tensions. There will be tensions but you accept them.

What can you do? Recognise your helplessness. Recognise the pointlessness of all effort. And whatsoever the case – whether you are happy or unhappy – for one month simply accept it. Even if you cannot accept it, accept that too. That’s what I am making clear, because sometimes you may not be able to accept it; then what can you do? You cannot accept it, so accept this too. But a deep background of acceptance should remain – even of rejection the background should be of acceptance. For one month, just relax.

I was waiting and thinking that some day this is going to happen. I was waiting, because you have to say it to me. Unless you say it, I cannot say to stop improvement, because if it is not your insight it will be meaningless. Even when it is your insight there is difficulty. Now you see it, but it is still difficult because of the whole past training and conditioning: be an achiever, succeed in life. And there is nothing to succeed in. If you fail totally, you have succeeded. For one month, just be, mm?

CHAPTER 10

6 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin reports back on a meditation Osho had given him to stare at a light. (see ’a rose is a rose is a rose’, friday july 23rd). The sannyasin said he found it hard to sit still; he itched and wanted to scratch.]

Allow it – don’t be worried about it. Scratch and just scratch very consciously. Move slowly. Don’t do it like this (Osho demonstrates a rapid rubbing movement). Go very slowly, very consciously. Then the meditation will not be disturbed at all. It is disturbed always by mechanical acts.

Meditation is never disturbed by activity. It is disturbed by mechanical activity. For example there is something in scratching that you can do mechanically, not paying any attention to it. But pay total attention to it. If the body wants to sway a little, sway, but very consciously. Bring all consciousness to it and then do it. Then there is no distraction. It itself becomes a meditation. To do it mechanically will be a distraction

So don’t resist and don’t fight with it, otherwise you will be concerned with it. A very ordinary itch can become something very big, out of all proportion. And the more you want to avoid it, the more it attracts you. Then it becomes almost impossible to avoid it and you feel a defeat. You are distracted already because your mind is resist-ing fighting, and you have become divided in two. One part is trying to pull you to the itch, another part is pulling you away. Meditation is already lost.

So when an itch is there, take note that your hand wants a little attention. Take note and then very slowly go to it – and you will be surprised. Sometimes even by the time you have reached, it has disappeared – because it was just a trick of the body to attract your attention. There was nothing.

The body works like a small child. It constantly attracts you: Where are you going? What are you doing? Meditating? That feels like competition for the body and the body starts feeling jealous. You have been wed to the body for so long that when you start having a little affair with meditation or something, the body starts feeling jealous. It is a woman. It says, ’I won’t allow you this easily. Come here! You have always been listening to me. Now what are you doing? Trying to escape from my domination, from my possessiveness? I will show you.’

So it creates troubles – and those are stupid troubles, but they can become very very irritating. And the work is done – if you are fighting, you have been attracted already. Your attention has been distracted. So don’t fight with the body. There is no need. When the body wants your attention, give it total attention but go very slowly, and meditatively.

And the meditation is helping you, so continue it.

[A sannyasin asks about his relationship. He feels calm and quiet except with his girlfriend: But the problem is that for so long I’ve isolated myself and I have so many defenses. I don’t give her enough energy.

Osho gives him a come-close darshan.]

Good... Two things for you.... One is: to be calm and quiet is your way. Don’t force any activity on yourself; that will be an enforcement and will be a violation of your nature. One has always to listen to one’s own being, to one’s own heart. You can become very active, but it will always be a strain on you, it will never be fulfilling.

You don’t have a male-type mind. You have a very feminine energy. God is to come to you through passivity, not through activ-ity. Any activity will become feverish for you, will be destructive. So only the essential is to be done. You have to remain calm, collected and centred. The less of the periphery, the better it will be for you.

[The sannyasin answers: And yet at the centre of me there are very strong emotions – of anger and of love.]

Mm, there are, but they are all feminine. They are all passive emotions.

Emotions have two types: active emotions which can only be fulfilled through great activity, and passive emotions which cannot be fulfilled through activity, which can only be fulfilled through happenings. You cannot be a great lover – you can only be a great receiver of love. It will be a gift to you. You cannot create it, you cannot do it. You can only allow it to happen. The only activity that is possible for you is that of allowing. But you cannot approach life in an active way. You have to wait. Wait tin life comes and knocks at your door.

Your life is going to be that of awaiting – not of search, not of an active search, of an intense desire, of an intense thirst, but that of waiting, just like a woman. A woman never takes initiative in love. She waits for her man to take the initiative. She does not even say, ’I love you’; she waits for the man to say it. Then she accepts or rejects, but she never takes the initiative. And whenever a woman takes the initiative something is wrong with her. She is more of the male type and she will need a feminine type of man.

And always remember, when I talk about male and female I don’t just mean the physiological difference; that is very superficial. People differ in their innermost core. Many men are feminine and many women are male, and because we don’t understand it much complexity arises.

For example, if you meet a real woman – and by ’real woman’ I mean one who is physiologically woman and intrinsically also a woman – you will not be satisfied by her because it will be almost homosexual. You need a very active woman, almost male. Only then will you feel a certain deep love for her. That’s what [your girlfriend is doing to you. That’s why you feel that she brings much life to you, because she brings the neglected part of you. She becomes your activity which you cannot become; she complements you.

So the first thing, you are not to think about active approaches to truth or life. You have to remain passive – passive, yet alert. I’m not saying passive and drugged. I’m not saying passive and asleep.

No, I’m saying passive and alert... not going anywhere, not doing anything; just watching whatsoever happens – allowing it and watching it. So be in a deep let-go but fully aware. That awareness has to be your only activity.

And the second thing even when you are in love, don’t try in any way, because that is the natural tendency in the man’s mind – that when he is in love he wants to prove before the woman that he is very very active, very aggressive, very male. If you do that you will be going against your nature and you will be deceiving the woman; she will never be happy with it. You have to be yourself. Only then, some deep relationship and intimacy is possible.

[Osho said that he should be true to himself and never pretend to be someone he wasn’t.]

Only truth satisfies. So it is for [your girlfriend] to decide. She has fallen in love with a bonzae, so what to do? With a monk... what to do?

(to the girlfriend) He is a monk. He should have really been in a monastery – and he is in the world and you have caught hold of him!

- (to the boyfriend) Simply remain whatsoever you are. All falsifies one day or other are exposed.

Simply relax and be yourself, because people love the truth, never postures. Don’t make empty postures. It will be good for your health, it will be good for your inner peace. It will be good for your growth. And it will be good for the other person to understand you and to settle this way or that.

So these two things, remember. And everything is going well....

[The girlfriend said she felt dead, with not enthusiasm for anything.]

But my feeling is that you have always been that way You may not have been aware of it but....

... Many people are not aware of their real situation so they go on pretending things, and they believe in their own pretensions – not only that they deceive others, they have become capable of deceiving themselves. They laugh and they think they are happy, and they never look at the back. Is there really laughter? They get involved in a love-affair and they think, they believe, that they are happy.

They act as if they are happy, but it is all ’as if’. If you look behind the ’as if’, suddenly you become aware that there is nothing. That’s why people never look inside. They are just rushing from one activity to another. from one man to another, from one woman to another, from one movie house to another movie house, from this hotel to another hotel, from this guru to another guru. They are rushing from one group to another, continuously occupied, because if they get a gap between two occupations, they will have to see their reality – and that is too dismal, dark and gloomy. They are afraid of themselves, so they never leave themselves alone. They are always engaged in something or other. They can read the same newspaper thrice. They can go and see the same movie many times.

People don’t allow themselves an interval because they are afraid. They don’t allow themselves to be alone because they are afraid. They know a deeper layer of their being is subtly aware that here is nothing; all this laughter is bogus. All this love and emotion and feeling is just tohu-bohu... just beautiful deceptions, beautiful illusions.

When you start meditating, you start seeing within yourself. Then illusions start falling. One starts feeling dead because all life was false; now it has fallen. But this is a good moment. Now there is a possibility to become really alive. The falsity has fallen. The mask has drop-ped, suddenly slipped out of your hands, and you are standing naked before a mirror. Now there is no way to deceive.

It is hard. I know. It is very sad, I know. It is like a dark night of the soul, but one has to pass through it. Now remember only one thing – don’t laugh falsely, otherwise again you can get into the same old trap. If you are dead, then be dead. What can one do? One is dead, so one is dead – so be really dead. Sometimes just stand in the corner and be dead. Just sit in the middle of the room and be dead. What is wrong in being dead? One day everybody has to die. So [your girlfriend died a little early. Nothing wrong in it.

Don’t force anything upon yourself. Be dead. Accept in total helplessness and humility that this is how you have lived up to now – a false life. Those falsities have fallen. You have encountered your own self and you feel you are dead. Don’t do anything contrary to it, otherwise you can again create the same deception. Sooner or later you will see that the deadness is by and by melting itself, because you are alive... because everything is alive. Even a rock is alive... what to say about [you]?

The whole existence is full of life. Nothing is dead here... nothing can be dead here. Death does not happen – death is impossible. It is not in the nature of things. Everything is simply alive. To exist is to be alive.

So that much is certain – that you are alive – but deep in the centre you have forgotten that. Now relax. Accept this death and be dead, and you will see one day suddenly a new life glowing in you, and the dead matter that was surrounding you is dropping. As the mask has dropped, the dead matter will also drop. This is just an old skin. It will be shed off.

So accept this, and for one month just be dead. Don’t be in a hurry, because dead people are never in a hurry! Mm? Good.

[A visitor says he used to do TM meditation, but dropped it and started dynamic meditation. He works as a primal therapist.]

With primal my methods will suit very well because both are complementary to each other. Tm was just out of the way. A person who is functioning as a primal therapist will not be benefited by it because your approach is not of tranquillising the mind but expanding it, to make it more alert and aware, to know it more, to go beyond it.

Transcendental meditation is a sort of drug. If it works at all, it gives you good sleep, that’s all. It calms you down, but even that calming down is not very positive; it is more like dullness, lethargy. It will help you to be less tense, but then you will become less intelligent also and less alive, because it slows down the whole process of your being. It is a tranquiliser – tranquillisation through sound, mantra.

If you constantly repeat a certain word, it creates a certain chemical effect in the mind. The constant repetition creates a constant vibration; the same vibration – ’rama, rama, rama’ – creates a chain of the same vibration. And the mind feels bored by and by, dulled. It goes into a sort of sleep. It is refreshing as all sleep is, but it has nothing to do with meditation.

To call it meditation is a misnomer. It is a drug. Somebody is agitated too much, on the edge of his nerves, so we give him a tranquilliser. He sleeps well, he sleeps it off. By the morning he is a little better, calmed down, quieted down, but this is not meditation.

In fact, meditation is just the opposite. It is not dropping tensions but using them. One should remain very very vibrant and alive and yet not tense. Then it is beautiful. If you lose your intelligence, if you lose your aliveness, the cost is too much. Then you are falling into a sort of stupor and you will become more stupid than you were before.

Stupid people always like tm. In the east, many methods of that sort have existed for centuries and they have made the whole east stupid. It is nothing new. For centuries the east has been using that trick to tranquillise the mind, but then the mind becomes non-intelligent. That’s why the east has not been able to create any scientific society. The very scientific mind has disappeared from the east, because to be scientific you need to be very intelligent, very alert. Now the problem is that when you are very intelligent you become tense. When you are tense, you start feeling worried; the very stress of it starts killing you. An intelligent mind is followed by tensions.

So there are two ways: either you drop intelligence and the tensions drop, or – and the second is more difficult to work out – you become so aware and alert, become such a watcher on the hills, that you remain alive even more than before, and you allow all sorts of tensions because they are challenges of life and they give you tone; they give you shape.

A life without tensions is almost death. One should be alive – tense, yet not stressed, tense, yet not worried, tense, yet not tense... making all the effort that is needed and yet remaining effortless...

doing an sorts of things and yet remaining a witness and remembering continuously, ’I am not the doer. Somebody is singing a song – at the most, I allow it.’

Your life is not yours. It is of the whole. Call it god’s. If the word ’god’ creates trouble in the mind, call it of the existence. Existence exists in you and through you. You are just a form.

Once you start understanding this then nothing is lost and everything is gained. You remain intelligent. You remain in life, fully vib-rant, streaming, and yet, in a certain way, calm and collected.

At the centre you remain empty – on the periphery you are full of activity. The peripheral activity does not affect the tranquillity at the centre.

Now, it is very easy to drop the peripheral activity of the mind and feel tranquil; it is easy. The opposite is also easy: to let the activity enter into the centre, and to become worried. Just in the middle is the greatest peak of humanity – becoming the centre of the cyclone. At the centre everything is quiet, unaffected. On the periphery one is in the marketplace and one works hard with the mind but the mind is no more the master now.

And all my chaotic methods are basically to give you this balance. It is a meeting of the east and west. It is the meeting of the religious mind and the scientific mind. To be religious is cheap, to be scientific is also not difficult – but to be both is really a great challenge. And it is a great adventure, full of hazards; but worth all those hazards.

CHAPTER 11

7 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[To a visitor who is a primal therapist.]

And can you remember yourself as a small cell in the womb?

[She answers: Yes.]

Just close your eyes and feel that you are becoming smaller and smaller, so I can feel where you are going and what more can be done. If something happens in the body, allow it....

Very good... come back – the energy is really moving. It is not just a memory – you can relive it.

Many times it happens that people start imagining, but you are not – it is really happening. Much more can be done: you can go even further back. That means you can remember your past life and can move into it easily – just a little effort is needed. The energy is already moving towards the source, towards the seed, so start helping it a little more.

When you meditate and you feel that you have become just a small seed, then just allow and try to find out all that is happening around you. Then you may be able to see your father and mother making love. Because that is the first thing that life starts with. When a child enters the womb, the first experience is of two persons making love. The child encircles them, moves around, feels whether to enter or not, hesitates, takes one step forwards and one step backwards and then takes the plunge and moves into the womb.

And when you can remember it, even vaguely – just like two shadows making love.... It will not be very clear, because it cannot be. It will be just a very vague feeling of two shadows making love, and you are hesitating.... Then you can remember even further back – the death that happened before this life. And then there will be another scream which is even more primal than the primal scream.

That is the death cry. What janov calls ’the primal scream’ is a birth cry. It is nothing compared to that.

It will come... it is there. The primal scream simply opens the door to the death scream. So don’t stop there – go ahead. Go more deeply into it. And once you have come to see the death scream and it has come out, you will be completely released, you will be completely cleaned. Then there will be no hindrance for your energy. For the first time you will become really alive – alive moment to moment.

[A sannyasin says: I want to stop running.]

Mm, that will happen. Are you tired of running? Really?

... Then there is no problem. People say that they want to stop, but they are not yet tired – so they say one thing and they do just the opposite. Because to stop running means to stop ambition. To stop running means to stop desire. To stop running means to drop the future completely – to live here and now. Then there is no running. If there is a then and there, one runs; one has to run.

To stop running means to stop the goal-oriented mind. It is the greatest renunciation there is – not to desire any goal and just to be here and now, no improvement, no progress, no reaching... just to enjoy oneself as one is. No ’should’, no ’ought’... just to be like an animal, or like a tree or like a rock.

So if you are really tired there is no problem. You can stop from this very moment. But you have to understand, otherwise just trying to stop it is not going to help, because even the effort to stop it can become a running. That’s the whole problem with the mind. Mm? You can start running to stop running. You can start jumping and jogging because you have to stop running and you have to do this and that. You can create desire and you can create a goal saying, ’Unless I stop running, I am not going to be happy.’ Again you have created a goal – in the name of no-goal.

It is a question of simple understanding. It has nothing to do with any action. Action cannot be stopped by another action. Action can only be stopped in a non-active understanding, in a passive understanding. So just see the point – that there is nowhere to go. Just see the point that for the whole of your life you have been running and you are reaching nowhere. You are simply wasting the time that is available to you to enjoy and delight in. You go on sacrificing the present for the future, and the future never comes.

You go on killing today for tomorrow, and tomorrow is just illusory, a mirage. And when tomorrow comes, it is today. It always comes as today. Then again you sacrifice it for some tomorrow that never comes. So just see it. And there is nothing to do. What else is there to do? One has seen the point – one starts living.

So delight in small things: eat and enjoy, love and enjoy. Go for a morning walk and enjoy. Sit while it is raining and enjoy. Lie down and enjoy. Each moment, small things, tiny things, of no importance for the ego, but very very important for life.... Enjoy gossiping, chit-chatting, singing, dancing, whatsoever. Whatsoever you feel to do, do it and enjoy it. Don’t make it a means to some other end. Let it be the very end itself.... It will happen.

And do a few groups here. Don’t think that they are going to give something; they are something.

The value is intrinsic. So don’t look for any results out of them; there is none. In fact, life has no meaning – meaning as a result – there is none. Life is tremendously meaningful, but not as a result...

as activity, as process, not as a goal.

So do the enlightenment intensive as a process. Enjoy doing it. Don’t wait for something to come out of it. There is nothing. You will come out of it (a chuckle). So simply enjoy it, and then you enjoy soma. Your whole work here this time is to enjoy, mm? Good.

The soma group is present. The group leader says: It was a beautiful group... couldn’t have been better.

There’s a question inside me to do with the mind, with thinking or being thought through, discerning action or non-action, being one with the meditations and being very separate and distant, understanding in a new way and not understanding.]

Mm mm, don’t make a problem out of it. In fact it is a solution, not a problem. Whenever a new way of understanding arises, in a sense one starts feeling that one understands no more, because all the old patterns of understanding disappear. And that’s what you were always thinking was your understanding. So when the whole edifice collapses you feel that you understand no more; you don’t know what is any more. And yet a subtle feeling arises that a new way of looking at things is happening. These both come together, they are bound to come together; they cannot come separately.

If the old style of thinking and the old patterns of the mind continue then the new cannot arise, because the new arises only out of the death of the old. When the old ceases, only then the new arises. So this is a transitory period – where the old has collapsed and the new is so new and unfamiliar that you have not yet settled with it. It is just like changing a house. One is taking all one’s things away in a truck. The old is left and the truck is just on the way and the new has not arrived. A transitory period... but good, beautiful. Something is growing.

Whenever something new arises one feels as if all understanding is lost, because the past pattern no more functions. So be happy about it, and don’t make a problem out of it, If you make a problem out of it there is every possibility that you may again start pulling out of the old, clinging to the old, bringing it back home. It’s good. A new understanding is always a sort of non-understanding.

The real beginning of knowledge is always a beginning of feeling oneself to be ignorant. The upanishads say, ’Those who think they know, know not,’ because the very idea that you know does not allow you to know. The very idea that one is ignorant makes you vulnerable, open. Like a child, your eyes are full of wonder. Then it is difficult to decide whether the thoughts are yours or they are entering you from the outside, because one has lost all moorings. And there is no way to judge, no criterion to judge whether these thoughts that are arising in you are yours or somebody else’s thoughts entering you. But there is no need to be worried because basically the mind is only one, it is the universal mind – call it god or call it in jungian terms ’the collective unconscious’.

We are separate only on the surface, deep down we are not separate. Just the visible part is separate, the invisible part is still one. So when you relax and you become silent and you become more humble, more childlike, more innocent, then it will be difficult in the beginning to see whether these thoughts are ours, are coming out of the blue, or somebody else is sending his messages and you are just a receiving end. But they are coming from nowhere. They are coming from the deepest core of your being – but that is the core of everybody else also.

So a really original thought is nobody’s. . . it carries nobody’s signature. It is simply there out of the collective, out of the universal, out of the one mind – mind with a capital ’M’. So when the individual mind, the ego mind relaxes, the universal mind starts over-flooding you. That’s what’s happening.

Allow it, enjoy it. Become as perfect a receiver as possible, and don’t be bothered by the anxiety of whether this is yours or not. Nothing is yours or everything is yours. So decide either way. Both are right. Either say ’everything is mine’ then there is no problem, or say ’nothing is mine’; then too there is no problem. But don’t create a problem out of it, otherwise the beauty of it, the innocence will be disturbed. Good.

[A group member said that during the astral projection exercises he tried to contact Osho, but only got a blank. and how can he relate to Osho.]

That blank is me – you relate with that blank. You are trying to relate with some idea of yourself.

I am not your idea. That emptiness is me. If you relate with that emptiness you will be relating with me. You are trying to project something. Your mind is playing games with you. Simply forget me.

Just see that emptiness; that is me. Forget the form... just look deeper. And that is the miracle of miracles. It has happened to you but you missed it because you have some ideas of what should happen.

Next time you start feeling blank, feel blessed. Let it sink in you and be drowned in it. You are in contact – it Is just that you are not being able to interpret it rightly, that’s all. I am showering on you but you have not been able to understand it, that’s all.

So next time it happens, just drop all ideas. Don’t expect anything, because your very expectation will be a disturbance. And whatsoever happens, just accept it. That’s what is. Blank, then blank.

emptiness, then emptiness. Nothing happens, then nothing is happening. That’s what is. Relax into it and soon you will feel surrounded by me. Try it.

CHAPTER 12

8 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

This will be your name, so completely forget the old one as if it never belonged to you, not even a relationship with it. Just completely break away from it, slip out of it just as a snake slip out of the old skin. And don’t look back.

It is simple, but it does miracles. The moment you can drop the old name and the old identity you simply feel unburdened, because it carries the whole past. It is not just a name; it is the very nucleus of your whole past around which your whole life has been revolving. All the anxieties, the problems, the difficulties, the hangups – they are all there in the name. So just drop it.

It is difficult to change the old personally – it is very simple to drop it. Difficult to change because whatsoever you do, it persists. You can change it a little bit here and there but the major part of it always remains old. And that is too powerful. You can paint it, decorate it, modify it, but basically it remains the same – and it persists. And with it persist all its problems. Changing of the name, changing of the dress is just a symbol, to come clean out of the past... as if [you are] dead, gone forever and she cannot be retrieved.

Deva means divine and shruti means remembrance. It is one of the most significant words in hindu mysticism. Shruti means continuously remembering that one is divine, that everything is divine... a constant mindfulness that all is divine, whatsoever it is. Even the devil is divine. Nothing is wrong, can be wrong. If something appears wrong, it must be because of our attitude. If something appears wrong, then certainly it is because of our misunderstanding and misinterpretation. So sometimes you may not be able to understand, but still deep down go on remembering, ’That too is divine.’

Somebody insults you; that too is divine.

That will make you so protected that nothing will be able to distract you, disturb you. If once you start growing this atmosphere around you – that everything is divine – then suddenly you start living a new life. Just start this very moment – there is no need to postpone anything.

Just from this very moment start feeling that everything is divine. Many times you will forget – in the beginning, that’s natural. Whenever you remember again, catch hold of it, bring it back, relax into it. Look at stars, at people, at animals, and just deep down have the feeling continuously bubbling inside you, that everything is divine.

That’s the way towards god, because whatsoever we remember, we become, and whatsoever we sow, we reap. So sow this remembrance. These seeds will by and by start sprouting.

[The new sannyasin says she is a teacher.

Mm, very good. Very good to remember that everything is divine. (laughter) It will be difficult –

children are almost devils, mm?

... Remember that they are also divine. They are the most divine people in the world but very devilish.

[She says she has done two intensive groups but wants more.]

Good, mm.... The inner exploration is such that one can never have enough. The more you have, the more you will have the feeling that you don’t have anything the more you have it, the more your thirst grows. It is a non-ending journey – and it is good that it is non-ending. It is good that you cannot have enough of god, otherwise you will be finished with it. You cannot have enough of bliss and enough of peace and enough of serenity, because if you have enough of it you will be bored with it. So it is always so – that the more you get, the more you start feeling thirsty. And it is good.

God is a non-ending journey. You are always coming but never arriving.

So remember it: the very idea to have enough is of the mind. The mind is always greedy. It is always thinking in terms of having more than is needed – then one feels secure. But of god you cannot have more than is needed. It will always be less than you need, so the need continues and you are never bored, you are never finished with it. One starts the journey but one never ends it.

The mind becomes greedy – and there is nothing wrong in it; in the beginning it is natural. When you feel that something is very satisfying, you want more of it. But just think, if you really have more of it, what will you do? You will be finished with it.

I am going to give you more... but much more thirst also!

Deva means divine and kalayani means a blessing, a divine blessing. And that’s how one should think about life. It is a gift of infinite value, and one should not waste it. It is a great opportunity to grow, to be, and one should not just go on drifting. Because we have got it without paying anything for it, that’s why we think it is valueless. One goes on living as if it is of not much significance.

We pay attention, more attention, to the very trivial things – a big house, money, prestige, respectability – but we never think about life and its intrinsic value. Everything else is just trivial in comparison to life. So the greatest blessing has already happened. By being alive one has already been accepted by god, has already been presented with a great gift. By being alive you have already been loved by the whole. That’s why you are; otherwise you would not be. The whole wills you to be, the whole celebrates your being, the whole is happy that you are. So never put anything above life – everything else is just below it. Life is the ultimate value.

Everything can be sacrificed for life, and life cannot be sacrificed for anything whatsoever. People have been taught to sacrifice life for worthless things. For money, sacrifice your life. For respect, sacrifice your life. For honour, sacrifice your life. For politics, for christianity, for hinduism, for so-called religions, sacrifice your life. People have been taught to sacrifice life at the drop of a penny.

Whatsoever happens, simply sacrifice your life.

And life is the ultimate value. Everything can be sacrificed to life. Life cannot be sacrificed to anything – because life is god.

So I give you this name – deva kalayani – to continuously remember that you are blessed, that the benediction has already happened, that you are not to search for it... that it is there and you have to celebrate it. participate in it... that you have to allow it.

[A sannyasin said that he feels a struggle making decisions... if he looks at it, it disappears.]

No, but in practical life that won’t be of much help. For example, you have to go tonight and the conflict arises of whether to go or not. What will you do? If you simply see it and it disappears, what will you do?

[The sannyasin replies: I experience it on two layers. There’s a lower layer which is happening anyway, and on the upper layer is the decision to go or not to go. But I get tempted into the drama and I create the drama until I drop out of it.]

Then in fact it is not a problem. You are enjoying it, so you can enjoy it. The problem arises only when you are really split. This is not a problem at all. The problem arises only when you are really split.

In fact, deep down if you know that the decision is there, then these waves of no and yes are only on the surface. They are meaningless. You can enjoy them because deep down there is no problem.

The problem arises only when one is split all the way through and on one side there is yes, on another side, no. One cannot find a substratum in oneself where one can stand on firm ground.

Then the problem arises and something has to be done. If you want to enjoy this, enjoy. Play the game of yes and no, and when it is finished and you are bored by it, drop it.

It is not a problem, that’s why it disappears just by watching.. Real problems never disappear by watching. Only unreal problems disappear by watching, but ninety-nine percent of problems are unreal, so watching helps tremendously. But the one percent of real problems will never disappear by watching. In fact, by watching, it will become more and more crystal-clear, more and more transparent; you will be able to see through and through. If the problem is real, watching helps you to clarify the situation, the confusion. The cobwebs disappear but the real problem remains. And if the problem is unreal, then the whole problem disappears, root and all.

[The sannyasin answers: I know that deeper layer and I always want to be there instead of enjoying the more superficial layer.]

No, by and by you will come to be more and more in it, but don’t be too greedy. And a little enjoyment on the surface is not bad. One can swim and splash water on the surface a little bit and then one can dive deep. And it is always there, so what is the hurry? So don’t make it an anxiety, and don’t think that you have to always be there. That very idea of always being there will create a sort of tension inside you. When the game is finished, you can always go.

And my feeling is that whenever you want to go in the middle of the game, then it comes in between you and your deeper layer. You are not really finished with the game, you are still taking interest in it, and then the greed arises; why bother? Go down. Then it comes in between. Be finished with it!

You can make a meditation out of it, and that will be very very significant. If any problem arises and you are in a yes/no, just give it fifteen minutes, and enjoy those fifteen minutes. Pro and con, for and against; bring all the logic that you can bring – and from both sides, because you are not in any way prejudiced against anything. You can play the game from this side and that side; you can fight and argue from both sides. It will be a good sharpening experience to your intelligence. You will be benefited by it.

In fact, psychologists say that a person who is always thinking of pro and con, for and against, becomes very logical, very acutely logical. A person who daydreams too much becomes capable of solving many problems which others are not capable of solving, because a person who daydreams too much, rehearses too much. Daydreaming is a sort of rehearsal. You have not done the thing really but you are rehearsing inside the mind. Such a person be-comes more imaginative, more creative.

For example, you want to rearrange the furniture in the room. A practical person will have to rearrange it and then look and see, then rearrange again and look and see. It will take too much time. A daydreamer will simply sit in the chair and daydream that he has arranged the furniture this way. It takes no time in dream. Then he arranges it the other way; it takes no time. Then the third way and the fourth way, and then he comes to a conclusion. The practical man will take too long.

The dreamer will solve it very easily. So dreaming can become a very creative activity.

And in the same way, a person who is always arguing for and against will become very logically acute, can become almost a scientific thinker. You can use your faculty, and you are always confident that deep down you know that there is a layer where there is no conflict, so whenever it gets too much you can simply get out of it. It is your game, so play it knowingly and consciously – that’s what rm trying to bring you to. Play it consciously. Don’t make it a problem; it is a beautiful exercise.

If there were no solid ground underneath, I would not say this to you, because then it can be dangerous. The playing can be very very dangerous and harmful. That playing can become your very life, and then you cannot get out of it because there is no other space to get out of it. You are obsessed, and that yes and no will go far away and then that will become a split between you and you. You will be divided into two persons. A sort of schizophrenia will come out of it – but that is not the trouble with you.

Enjoy it and give it time, and whenever you have time just close your eyes and enjoy it. It will give you much new light, seeing things through so many viewpoints. There are many people unnecessarily poor because they cannot view life from so many viewpoints. They remain focussed, as if they are standing at one window of their house and they cannot move, and they don’t know that there are other windows and other views also available. You remain focussed on one window, very poor.

There are so many windows and you can see to the north and to the west and to the east, and sometimes it is sunrise and sometimes it is sunset, and sometimes the moon is there but at some other window.

One should be capable of moving and one should not get obsessed too much with one viewpoint.

That gives a sort of freedom. And I allow you the game because I don’t see that there is a real problem. It is a sort of luxury, a deeply-paying entertainment. But do it consciously and then you will not be burdened by it. You know that you are playing it. It is not that yes and no have overpowered you. It is your game of chess.

[A visitor says: I’ve been travelling around.]

Good. Be really here, because for travellers it is very difficult to be anywhere. They are always travelling – if not physically then mentally. They are always going somewhere else.

[She tells Osho: I like the encounter groups, the ones where you’re dealing with people, relationships and the present energy, and just sort of meeting people.]

So do two groups here – one that you will enjoy and one that I suggest. You may not enjoy it because sometimes a thing that you enjoy is not necessarily the thing for you, may not be of any benefit. It may be a sort of entertainment, you may feel good doing it, but it may not change you.

And sometimes something that you don’t enjoy may be able to change you.

In fact, people never enjoy the thing that is going to change their minds because the mind feels afraid, sort of apprehensive. The very possibility of change gives you fear. One feels scared because of the unfamiliar space that you will be led into. Who knows what type of space this is going to be?

People are even happy in their misery which is familiar to them. They cling even to misery if it is familiar. They don’t like to choose and change for something new. Maybe it is very beautiful, but who knows? With the familiar there is security.

[She said that she was an anlytical psychotherapist, but recently had changed to encounter groups.]

Encounter is moving into a totally different dimension, but your experience as an analytical psychoanalyst will be very very helpful. It is a very different dimension, but your experience in analysis can give a new depth to your encounter work.

Analytical psychology in itself is sort of dead. It is non-relational, impersonal, more intellectual –

less grounded in the body, more conceptual. It does not take account of the whole person as a whole person. Analysis can never take account of the whole person. The very attitude of analysis is against the whole. Only synthetic attitudes can take account of the whole. So analysis itself is out of date – it has no future really, but encounter alone is very superficial.

It is more alive, but it doesn’t have depth. So if an analyst becomes interested in new therapies like encounter and gestalt and bio-energetics, then something beautiful can happen, because this will be a cross between analysis and the wholistic movements. You can bring much richness to it, and by it you can make your own intellectual concepts more alive.

It will be difficult, but if you can attain to a sort of synthesis between the two, it will be a very enriching experience for you and your patients and the people you help. It is always good to bring contradictory systems together. Something beautiful is always born. That’s what cross-breeding is.

And it is true in concepts, philosophies, systems, as it is true in animals, human beings. When two people from two different countries come and meet and give birth to a child, that child is something new, more alive, because those two parents are so different and their meeting has a great tension and challenge in it. That’s why no society has ever allowed you to marry your own sister or your own brother, because you are so alike. The children will be almost dead; they will not have tone. So cross-breeding helps, and it helps in intellectual systems also. Whenever something original arises, it is always out of a crossing.

Freud himself was trained as a medical man. Hence, when he started being interested in hypnosis, something beautiful, psychoanalysis, was born. Now people who have just learned psychology and have no other understanding of any other system will not be very original – they cannot be. In fact, nothing original exists – only two different sorts of systems meeting together and something new arises.

So go deeper into encounter groups, but don’t lose your moorings in analytical concepts; don’t go against it. Keep it with you, take it with you. It will be hard work because both are against each other, but continue working in both dimensions, and you will be very much enriched.

That sort of enrichment is needed because there are encounter people all over the world doing much beautiful work, but it is going to be shallow because they have no training, no discipline, no scientific background, so they go on playing around. Of course, when you play around many things come up, but depth is not possible. So they cover a big ground but depth is not possible. Analytical people go on digging OR one spot and they go deeper. They don’t cover big ground, they don’t cover continents, but they dig wells – and very deep wells. And if you can do both then much will become possible.

So don’t lose your moorings in your training. Keep it alive and don’t allow it to become a hindrance in your encounter work. So somehow deep inside your brain they will settle, they will come to a reconciliation. And you will be surprised how two contradictory systems can meet and can create something which is bigger, higher, deeper than both.

[A visitor says: I don’t really know why I’m here. I was invited by my friends.

I find in my life maybe three things that give me joy – not just ordinary joy, a divine joy – my work and being in love and my children. I want to try to see if there’s more because I still am unable to understand what has drawn, what has magnetised my friend, to give up her children to come here.]

You will have glimpses. And whatsoever you have known as joy up to now is a good background, but it is not the end of the story. Children and work are good, beautiful, but not the end of the story...

just the very beginning... the beginning of the beginning. Much more is waiting.

And for people like you, much is possible very easily. People ordinarily become interested in meditation or that type of thing only when they are miserable, only when they have failed in their love, only when they have not been able to be joyful with their children only when their work is frustrating them. So people come to meditation in a very negative mood. Even then, meditation gives them deep glimpses of joy.

So for a person like you.... It is very rare to find a person like you who can say, ’I am feeling joy – not just joy but divine joy – with my children, my work, and with my love.’ It is very rare... these people have disappeared from the world. So for people like you, meditation can become a tremendous transformation because you come with a very positive background. That’s why you don’t know why you are here. People who come out of misery know why they are here. They have some problem so they have come to solve it. You don’t know because you don’t have any problem.

[She answers: Oh, I certainly have problems, but ... ]

No, in this way – you are not miserable, you are happy, you enjoy your children, your work, your love; you have something in your life which you cherish, you feel a sort of contentment with your life.

Everybody has problems, but those problems have not destroyed your work, have not destroyed your relationship. So those problems are growth problems – everybody has to face them: they are good, they enhance life. But if you start with this background, a sort of happy background, positive, then much more is possible because you wiO be floating with the current – and people are fighting against the current. Even then, they attain to many blissful states. So just try.

Forget why you are here. Just be here for these ten days and put your mind aside. And meditate.

Meditation will enhance everything. It is not against anything, so whatsoever you do, it will make you more contented. You will be a better wife, a better lover, a better mother.

Only one thing has to be remembered in meditation: that is, don’t wait for the result. Don’t go on looking out of the comer of your eyes to see what is happening. That is a disturbance. Simply do it – and you can. Enjoy it. Let it be intrinsic. The value is not in the result but in the very activity of it. Dance, sing, breathe and feel... and move into it. Don’t think that something great is going to happen out of it. It happens – but it happens only when you are not waiting for it.

People who are too interested in the result, miss it. But I can see that it will be possible for you.

These ten days can become something of tremendous import in your life.... And you will be coming for a longer period!

[A visitor says: I’m a designer of fashion.]

Very good! Anything that enhances beauty in the world is good. If we can make the world more beautiful in any way it is good. It is religious work.

[The visitor said she had been doing tm for about two years and felt good about it and was confused seeing the kind of meditations that were happening here.

Osho said they were both completely different but there was no need to be confused. While she was here she should try these meditations and then choose whatsoever she felt most comfortable with.

Osho said tm could only give one a shallow sort of silence, but even that was better than nothing.

He said it was very primary and a help initially but that it was not enough... ]

... sooner or later one feels, ’Now, what to do?’

Nobody can be satisfied only by silence. It is very negative. One needs an overflowing ecstasy.

So my emphasis is not on silence, it is on ecstasy. Unless you can go dancing to god, never be satisfied. Unless your life can become a celebration, a tremendous joy, don’t be satisfied, don’t be contented. Go on searching: there must be some method, there must be some way where you can lose yourself completely, madly, in ecstasy.

Ecstasy is my key word. So my whole effort here is to make you a singing and dancing phenomenon.

Silence is good as preparation, but it is negative. It is as if you are creating a new garden and you uproot all the weeds and grass and throw it out. It is good preparation but this is not the garden itself. Now you have to plant seeds, flowers, trees. Just clearing the weeds away is not going to be of much help. Good, necessary, but not enough.

So tm can only work that way. It can clean the ground of the mind. So continue it and do the camp –

but do it wholeheartedly so that you can choose. And I am not emphasising that you choose these methods. Whatsoever feels good to you, is good for you. If you feel good with tm, tm is good for you. Then never listen to anybody. It may not be good for somebody else, but it is good for you.

My emphasis is not on methods. My emphasis is on persons. If some-thing suits you, beautiful –

continue it. But give a try to these methods also.

Because I can see that you are in need of a sort of ecstatic life. You look so sad, so serious. You are carrying a catholic church around you. So my feeling is that these meditations will help you. I can see it, mm? Something is on the way....

[A sannyasin says: It’s easy for me to be in a situation that I’m in control of – when I’m in control I’m perfectly okay. As soon as the situation gets out of control, somebody else is in control then I get scared and defensive. I don’t like that.]

You will have to change this pattern, because if this is your condition of being okay, then you cannot be very okay. If you make it a condition that you will only be okay when you are in control, then you cannot be very okay. You will remain miserable – because in fact there is no possibility of your being in control.

Life is such an interdependence; how can you be in control? Even when you think you are in control, you are not; that is fallacious. Nobody can be in control. Life is so vast, so big, so complex, and we are so tiny, so small – how can we be in control? So you have a very wrong notion. Many people have that – that’s why they suffer. That is what the ego is. The ego feels okay when it is in control.

When the control is not there the ego starts feeling suffocated, it almost feels like a death. It is a death – but it is good that it dies.

So seek situations where consciously you can see that you are not in control, and try to be happy –

because that’s how life is Surrender to life, then you can be happy almost twenty-four hours – day in, day out, year in, year out. Then nobody can make you miserable. You go beyond misery. You are no more carrying a burden on your head.

Surrender to life. How can you control it? It is absurd, the very effort is absurd. You can be possessed by life but you cannot possess life. Just think, one of my fingers is trying to control my whole body – it will be absurd. The finger can only be controlled by the body. It is a part, and if it is surrendered to the body it will be happy, it will be healthy, nourished by the body. If it is fighting against the body and trying to control it, it will become ill. It will be paralysed; it will be cut off by the body. By its own struggle it will be cut off. So don’t fight life – surrender to it.

In the beginning it will be difficult because we have been brought up as egos and we have been taught to fight. So we have learned nonsense, and that is driving people crazy. There is no point.

Just look! Such a vast universe; how are you going to control it?

Drop the fight. and then you are simply okay. Nobody can make you miserable. Misery simply disappears for you and a deep acceptance arises, a total acceptability arises. Then you can feel blessed. Not only that you feel blessed, you can bless the whole existence. Your blessing can pour into existence. Blessed, you become a blessing also.

That is the meaning of jesus’s beatitudes, ’Blessed are the meek, because they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are the poor....’ What does he mean by this?

Blessed are those who are possessed by life and are not fighting and conquering and struggling against it. Those are the real poor people, humble people, meek – but they are blessed and they will attain to the kingdom of god.

So don’t create a hell around you. For one month simply relax and see what happens, and then tell me. Good.

CHAPTER 13

9 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin who bakes said that because of his work he was unable to do the meditations, and should he do anything else. Osho said that when he had time he could meditate alone... ]

... and baking is a good meditation. Put your love into it, your whole awareness into it. Just don’t do it for the money – do it for love also. Do it with care, and then there is no need for any other meditation.

If you can change your work into meditation, that’s the best thing. Then meditation is never in conflict with your life. Whatsoever you do can become meditative. Meditation is not something separate; it is a part of life. It is just like breathing: just as you breathe in and out, you meditate also.

And it is simply a shift of emphasis; nothing much is to be done. Things that you have been doing carelessly, start doing carefully. Things that you have been doing for some results, for example, money.... That’s okay, but you can make it a plus phenomenon. Money is okay and if baking gives you money, good. One needs money, but it is not all. And just by the side if you can reap many more pleasures, why miss them? They are just free of cost.

You will be doing your work whether you love it or not, so just bringing love to it you will reap many more things which otherwise you will miss. So that is the plus thing. And it depends on you how much you can reap out of it. A very small work like baking can be of tremendous joy because food is very deeply connected with love. Love is food, and food is symbolic love. When a child starts his life, food and love start together. From the same breast of the mother flows love and food. In fact, it is very difficult to divide them, and the child knows love as food and food as love.

That’s why all over the world, whenever you love a person, you like to invite him for food, because it is a love gesture. The host becomes the mother, he becomes motherly. It is very easy to approach people’s hearts through food. Mm? business people understand it – so the business lunch. It is easy to convince the person, it is easy to sell something, very easy, when you invite a person for food. Things happen easily. He is no more defensive. He is no more argumentative... a sort of rapport, mm? because the very food reminds him of his mother; unconsciously he again becomes a small baby, more innocent, more vulnerable.

When a woman loves you she will prepare food for you with tremendous care, and that food will have a spiritual value to it. It may not be possible scientifically to make any distinction between food prepared by love and food prepared carelessly, but spiritually there is a distinction. So when you are eating food that has been prepared with love, you will feel a certain rhythm between you and the food, a rapport. It somehow synchronises with you; it somehow melts easily and becomes one with you, it cooperates with your system. Food prepared carelessly is cold, it will take a longer time to absorb it, and food prepared with anger, hatred, jealousy, is already poisoned.

So do one thing: prepare whatsoever you are preparing – cakes and that – with deep love. Money is secondary. It comes anyhow, that’s not the point at all. By the way there are beautiful flowers to be plucked; why waste the whole scene? People become too narrow in their vision and they simply look for results. There are many things just by the side, freely available, nobody asking any price for them, but people are so narrow they cannot see. They go on running like horses with blindfolds. If you can make that, it is beautiful. So make it your meditation. Good!

[A visitor said that for the past two years she had been doing a meditation which was based on breathing – stopping the voluntary system so that spontaneity could happen. She said she felt good doing it and bhagwan suggested she try the meditations here, just to see how she felt... ]

... and one should not be in any way imaginative about it. Just see the fact of it. This has to be understood. Sometimes something does not fit; just to be polite we say, ’Yes, it is good.’ That is not going to help. Or sometimes saying, ’Good, fine,’ has become just habitual; you don’t mean anything. Somebody asks you how you are, and you say ’Fine!’ You don’t mean anything, and there is also no need to talk about all your miseries that you are passing through, but by and by the words lose their meaning.

So be absolutely factual. When you come to see me on the fifteenth, be factual, very observant, about whether something is happening and you are really feeling something is going deep in you.

Then it will be easier for me to plan the future growth and how you should proceed. Many people come and they say – somebody has been doing tm for five years or four years – and I say, ’How do you feel?’ They say, ’Very good,’ and then by and by after two or three days, they say, ’In fact, nothing is happening, and nothing has hap-pened.’ Then why did you say, ’Good’? They don’t know, it simply came out.

Because there is something involved in it. If you have been doing something for five years and you say that nothing is happening, you look a little stupid. Then why have you been doing it for five years? So when a person has been doing something for five years it becomes an investment of the ego. Now to say or recognise that nothing has been happening, or nothing has happened, makes one look a little foolish.

The ego says, ’Everything is good. Much has happened.’ This is just saving the face – so never do that with me. Whatsoever happens, be factual about it; be almost scientific about it. So go on doing the meditations and do them as totally as possible. When the meditation is over, sit silently and just recall the whole thing and try to figure out whether something has happened or not, because a small iota of fact is more helpful than a big mountain of fancy – because that is leading nowhere.

Sometimes people say that something is happening because they really want something to happen.

Because of their wanting, they hope that something must be happening. It looks very hard to feel that nothing is happening. That looks hopeless. So they go on hoping... a sort of wish-fulfillment.

So drop all these things.

And don’t get depressed or elated. Just simply make a note – ’This meditation fits me well.

Something inside of me falls in tune. I feel more collected, centred, grounded. I feel more joyful, more alive, more happy.’ Or nothing may happen, or sometimes the meditation may do just the opposite; you become more sad, you become more fragmentary, split, you lose your centre. You lose your grounding and you don’t know where you are standing and what has happened. You fall into parts. Then, too, watch and make a note.

So about all these five meditations, report three things. One, which meditation you liked most, second, which meditation you hated most, third, which meditation seems to be helping the most. It is not necessary that the one you like will help most. Sometimes we like very foolish things. We are just like children. A child likes ice-cream, but that is not going to give nourishment. Maybe he enjoys it, but it can be harmful. Sometimes a bitter medicine can be helpful, but the child resists and wants to throw it. Even if you force him, he will vomit it.

So that is for me to decide. Simply report without any strings attached, without any judgement, mm?

Good.

[The hypnotherapy group was present. Osho talked a little time ago about how hypnotherapy works, saying:]

Hypnotherapy touches the fourth body, the body of consciousness. It simply puts a suggestion into your mind. Call it animal magnetism, mes-merism, or whatsoever you like, but it works through the power of thought, not the power of matter. If your consciousness accepts a certain idea, it starts functioning.

Hypnotherapy has a great future. It is going to become the future medicine because if just by changing your thought pattern your mind can be changed, through your mind the vital body, and through the vital body your gross body, then why bother with poisons, gross medicine? Why not work it through thought power?

[The leader says: It was a bit scattered. People were far apart at the beginning and I once considered whether we should do an encounter, more of an encounter-type thing, to get people more together.

Then I decided that it is more your wish that each technique stays the way it’s designed to be, so I explained to the people that I had something to offer, the group had something to offer, and if they could connect, fine. If not, then I couldn’t do much about it. So it worked out fine.]

This has to be remembered – that the purity of the technique is very primary.

Even if you

sometimes feel that some other technique will be helpful, you can suggest to the person that after the hypnotherapy group he can do that group.

But if you start doing this – looking around at persons and what their need is – then the whole thing will become just a mess and you will not be able to help at all. So you have to be an absolute puritan You have to remain in a defined space, and you have to insist that they fall into that space. If they are incapable or there is something that is hindering them, then suggest that they should do some other group. But never go out of the way, because people’s minds are very tricky: if you start going out of the way, they will start going even further away. Then you will not be able to bring them together.

They are behaving almost unconsciously; they don’t know what they are doing, so don’t leave it to them.

You have to be very strict about it because hypnotherapy and encounter are, in a way, two very opposite things. It is like allopathy and naturopathy. A naturopath has to insist on his own vision.

Even if sometimes he feels that the headache can be helped by a tablet of aspirin and immediate help is possible, he is not to use the aspirin because that immediate help is against the whole standpoint. He has to go the long way, the hard way.

If he sees that there is a headache, then aspirin is just going to repress it. According to his vision, aspirin is just a repressive thing. He has to work on the stomach. There must be some constipation, some toxins hanging about inside the body. They have to be cleaned out. It is a long process, but once the intestines are cleaned, the headache will disappear. A headache is just an indication in naturopathy. In allopathy, a headache is an illness, not an indication.

So encounter and hypnotherapy are just as far away from each other. In encounter you have to be very expressive; you have to act it out. In hypnotherapy you have to relax so much that all acting by and by subsides. In encounter you have to throw your mind as forcibly as possible; bring it out in a clear focus so that you become aware of it, and some reconciliation is possible.

In hypnotherapy the whole process is to relax into your unconscious, because the problem exists in the unconscious. Encounter functions in the conscious mind. Hypnotherapy says that the prob-lem is in the unconscious. If you drop a little lower to a different layer of your being, then the problem simply disappears because it is attached to a particular level. With a change of consciousness, an altered state of consciousness, the problem will disappear. And once you know that altering the state of consciousness changes all the problems, then you have become a master. Then you can change your state of consciousness any moment.

For example somebody is feeling angry. Encounter will say bring it out, don’t repress it. Good –

because repression has been taught for so long that everybody is boiling with it and it does. not allow spontaneity. So encounter says throw it out, vomit it out, be relieved of it. Hypnotherapy says that anger is in the unconscious. You move towards deeper levels of your being and from there look again Suddenly, because you are on a different plane, things appear in a different light.

Something looks very big when you are looking through a microscope. When you look with the naked eye it is very small. When you look at a certain thing just standing on the earth, it has a different definition. Flying in a plane and looking down, it has a different meaning because the whole gestalt has changed. A very big house from a higher altitude looks so small and so meaningless, and fighting for a few feet of ground looks just absurd.

Hypnotherapy does not change the problem. It changes your attitude, your being, your vision, and from the new vision the problem either looks simply absurd, or simply drops out of existence, or looks meaningless, irrelevant. You transcend the problem.

And groups are going to be different each time because different people will bring different consciousnesses, different worlds, different centuries, different ages. Just because people look like contemporaries on the surface, they are not. Somebody lives before buddha and somebody is already somewhere in the future. Two persons chronologically may be just herenow, but they are not really. Existentially they may be worlds apart. Somebody may be a primitive, a cannibal, and somebody may not even belong to the present... may be part of some future century.

So when different people come they will bring different centuries, different beings, different attitudes.

Go on insisting on your own purity. They have to drop their individualities and enter your space.

Don’t run after them, otherwise you will go mad and they will enjoy the whole game. Never! Simply go on insisting on your method. They have to follow you and listen to you – then you will be able to be of more help. Good.

[A group member said: It feels like I had a good rest. It’s been a long time since I allowed myself to stop seeking, begging and asking. trying.

But just at this moment it seems that soon I’ll be leaving to go back to being a political journalist.

That was my old job two and a half years ago. It seems like a terrific shift.]

No, it will be good. Such changes are good, such polar opposites are always good. It is just like a sauna bath.

... from hot to cold. It gives such a sharpness to the being, such a thrill. For twenty, thirty minutes you are perspiring, and it is so hot that you feel you will explode. Then suddenly you jump into ice-cold water and everything seems to be freezing. This gives you a sharpness of being. The change is so fast and so big that you cannot immediately adjust. In that moment of non-adjustment you have a freedom. Suddenly you are no more the mechanism – you are the watcher. That’s the beauty of the sauna bath, or any sudden change. The mind takes time to adjust and the change is so sudden and so fast that it cannot keep pace with it.

So, very good. Simply go there and you will feel very new. The work will be old but you are no more old. The same person isn’t going to the same job. The job is the same, but a different person is going to it, and because a different person is going, the job cannot be the same.

You have become very restful. Something has stopped. It may not be very dramatic – that’s why you think it has not been a change of being or a change of plane – but real changes are never dramatic.

Real changes are so ordinary that sometimes it takes many months and years to recognise what has happened.

[The sannyasin answers: I feel I’ve become more and more ordinary.]

That’s the thing that I am insisting for. Because the very idea to become extraordinary is in, it is neurotic, it is a sort of madness. It is the very base of all tensions and all anxieties. It is the root cause of all madness. We are ordinary. And when I say we are ordinary I mean that the whole existence is extraordinary. There is no way to become more extraordinary than one is already.

When I say we are ordinary I simply mean that everything is already extraordinary and there is no way to improve upon it. You are already at the top of the world; there is no other top. You can never be higher than where you are, so the whole thing is just to recognise that one has already arrived.

The change is not dramatic because from a molehill you don’t become a mountain.

Suddenly you recognise that whatsoever you are, you have always been. Now you are the same.

The only change that has happened is awareness. Now you know who you are, and then there is no desire. One starts delighting in one’s own being.

This is the only world and this is the only way you can be. There is no other world and you cannot be otherwise. This recognition makes one absolutely ordinary, but when I use the word ’ordinary’, I use it with a totally different meaning. I mean that god is ordinary. I mean that beauty is ordinary, truth is ordinary. Extraordinariness is only illness; health is ordinariness. It is just the way things are... it is tao.

The moment the desire arises to become somebody exceptional, you are going crazy. You are creating such a mad whirl in your consciousness that now you will never be happy again. You will always be more and more unhappy. And the more unhappy you will be, the more you will think,

’Now I am unhappy because I am ordinary.’ The logic is very suicidal. Whenever you think you are unhappy, you will think you are ordinary. Become extraordinary and then you will be happy – and one can never become extraordinary because one can only become oneself; there is no other way.

You are the only way you can be. Nothing else is possible. One relaxes into it, one accepts it, and then simply all unhappiness disappears. One never becomes happy – only unhappiness disappears.

Then suddenly one finds that happiness has always been there but you were never allowing it because you were creating so much unhappiness around it.

Happiness is a natural thing; nothing to be achieved. It is not an achievement; it is the way things are. Look at the trees – they are simply happy. Unhappiness is created; happiness is natural.

Unhappiness is a by-product of the ambitious mind; happiness is simply there if you can rest and relax.

So, good, something beautiful is happening. But all beauty is ordinary. Look at a lotus flower... it is ordinary. A rose is ordinary. Stars and moon and everything is ordinary, except this mad human mind. It, too, is ordinary – but just a notion, an idea of becoming something else, always trying to become somebody else, creates unnecessary unhappiness. So rest in it.

This is the only transformation that is possible. This is the revolution religion is. It is nothing dramatic.

One day, one simply becomes a buddha. It is not dramatic. Dramatic things never happen in life.

They happen only in drama. Dramatic things are only for stories, fiction, disneyland.

[The sannyasin adds: Or newspapers?]

Mm, newspapers! So go into the world and remain yourself. Work and enjoy your work. Enjoy it as a fiction. Be skilful about it but never lose yourself in it. Work as a political journalist but don’t become a politician, that’s all!

[A group member says: I got in touch with some very deep blocks in myself.

Osho asks where in her body she feels those blocks. She answered that she was not aware of where it was, but rather in the fact that, in whatever she does, she only goes so far and then gives up.]

Good... this experience has been good. Next time you feel any block, try and locate it in the body, because no block can exist without its location in the body. And if you really become aware you can find where exactly in the body the block exists. Then it is very much easier to remove it, because then you can work from both ways – from the mind and from the body. You can attack the block from both sides. Otherwise, what happens is that if you attack it from the mind side, it slips deeper into the body and protects itself there. If you attack it from the body side, it slips into the mind and protects itself there. These are the two sides, and they are very close. In fact, they are not two. We are psychosomatic – body/mind, not body and mind.

They are both overlapping, so if you force any block to melt, the first thing a block will do is to slip into the mind or into the body. The attack has to be from both fronts so the block can be caught just in the middle, and from both the energies it can be crushed.

So always remember that whenever you feel that you have come across a block, try to find out where it is in the body. You will always find it. It will be a little difficult in the beginning because we don’t think in that way. But whenever you feel love, you put your hand on your heart. Somehow the very idea of love corresponds to the heart centre.

The moment the word ’sex’ is uttered, somewhere near the genital organs you feel a slight sensation, a slight thrill. Everything in the mind corresponds to something in the body, and something in the body corresponds to something in the mind, so always try to find out the correspondence. That’s how yoga psychology came to discover the chakras, the centres.

A block is a negative chakra. (See ’the cypress in the courtyard’, june 17th, where Osho talks about negative chakras.)

Sometimes the block may change. In the morning you feel it is in the stomach. In the evening you may feel it is not there, because it is like a flux. The body is continuously changing; it is not a fixed entity. So for seven days, simply make a note. After seven days tell me where you feel more that the block is located. In seven days of watching you will be able to find out the right place. Then much can be done and more easily.

First do the camp, and in the camp work hard. Particularly the nataraj is going to be very helpful –

the dancing meditation – so dance madly – because I can see where the block is, but I’m leaving it for you to note, because that will show me whether you can become alert or not. I can tell you where it is, but that will not be good. I will wait.

... Just watch for seven days... Find one place where you feel it more persistently, more often.

... With total energy, which inhibits let-go. Because that is the basic; other blocks will be just minor.

If you can experience anything totally then all blocks disappear, because to be total means to be blockless. Not to be total means too many blocks are there. So just that one you have to remember.

Whatsoever inhibits your totality, your spontaneity, your let-go, find where you feel it.

In the camp, dance madly, because in deep dancing energies melt very easily, blocks disappear very easily. One becomes total in dance more easily than in anything else because the whole body as an organic unity becomes involved. Dance is the most total act on the earth.

[She adds: It’s a very big contrast between being in the ashram and letting go and then when I go out feeling that I can’t let go at all.]

Mm, I understand. You will become capable of that too, the more you will be able to let go in the ashram, because a person who allows let-go becomes capable of not allowing it at any time. It is not that once you allow yourself to be in a let-go, you will have to allow it everywhere. Then that will become a bondage. No, a real person of let-go is always capable of withdrawing within a second. If he wants to withdraw, he will withdraw totally. That’s one thing.

If he wants to let go, he will let go totally. Whatsoever he is going to do will be total. A person who cannot let go totally will not be able to withdraw totally either. He will always be half-half... in bits, in fragments. Even if a person who is not capable of letting go wants to withdraw, he will find that he cannot; something still remains. He does not know how to withdraw. Withdrawal and let-go are part of one rhythm – contracting, expanding, contracting, expanding. If you exhale deeply, automatically you will be able to inhale deeply. It is not that if you exhale deeply you will become incapable of inhalation No, inhalation will become very deep if your exhalation is deep.

Let-go is like exhalation, withdrawal is like inhalation. A man has many moments when he has to withdraw completely, when he has to become like a rock. And then there are moments when the rock has to flower like a lotus. And one should be capable of both. Then I call one perfect. If one thing is possible and the other is not, then you are lopsided; you don’t have balance.

So don’t be afraid. Simply learn to let go and then I will teach you how to withdraw – and that is very simple, that comes easily. So outside the gates of the ashram, if you want to withdraw, you can withdraw so totally that people will not even be able to see that you are; they will not notice you.

They notice you because you are continuously throwing yourself out, mechanically, unknowingly.

But wait. First learn let-go.

[A group member says: I don’t think I have any problems.]

You don’t have. Nobody has really. People pretend because they don’t know how to live without problems. Problems give them occupation, something to worry about, something to do. Problems give them engagement, commitment. Without problems they don’t know what to do. They cannot enjoy life as a sheer joy, that’s the trouble. So they have to create some problems in it.

Very good. Remain alert and never allow any problem, never support any problem. Then life will bring tremendous gifts to you. Each small thing can become such a joy, an incredible joy. Just walking, breathing, looking at the sunlight or at the trees... or doing nothing, just loafing. Or just Lying down on the bed... daydreaming. Anything can give you tremendous joy. The only thing is, don’t bring in problems. Let it be as it is. Relax and co-operate with it. Don’t have any idea of how life should be. Let it unfold and go with it in deep trust. Wherever it leads is good.

[The group member adds: I was sick for a while after I took sannyas.

Enjoy that too – sometimes it happens.

... Next time it happens, just enjoy. Sickness has its own beauties, health has its own. And both are so beautiful that they cannot be compared.

If you start enjoying sickness, you will simply be surprised that sickness has its own joys, as significant as health. It is just as if you are walking and suddenly it starts raining. Now, you can make a problem out of it or you can enjoy it. Both are dependent on your attitude.

You can start thinking, ’My clothes will become wet. Now I am in new shoes and they will be destroyed.’ Or, ’I am going to meet someone; now it will be a problem.’ You become worried – and you are missing something tremendously beautiful. Or you can just relax and let the rain fall. You can start enjoying the music, the raindrops falling on you... the touch, the coolness and the freedom

– and a totally new scene surrounds you. You relax and start enjoying it... you cherish it. Something inside your heart starts opening and you are not worried about stupid things like shoes getting wet or that you may catch cold, or this and that... just stupid things.

Such a beauty is pouring on you. So much is available if you can relax and simply watch what is happening and can start tasting the joy of it. Suddenly the whole vision has changed. Now you may come across the pleasure that you have never known. Then you may start waiting for it – for when it rains and you can go out, and walk in the rain. Sometimes you may even catch cold; that’s nothing.

It is worth it. And if you are not thinking about catching cold, you may not catch it. So just start looking at things in a very very happy way.

Try to find, in whatsoever is happening, the something beautiful that must be there. Uncover it, discover it. A person who never asks for anything always gets many gifts from god.

[A group member says: I just realised that I’ve been making a big problem out of the whole of my life, out of existence.

You are... and it is not a problem at all – not even a small problem. Don’t seek the solution, drop the problem.

... There is no answer. Just drop the question – all questioning is nonsense, because the question in itself is wrong. Then you get wrong answers. Then out of wrong answers more questions arise, and so on and so forth, ad absurdum. Just drop the basic question. Life is not a problem; it is a mystery to be lived. Nobody has found any answer. Nobody is ever going to find any answer. There is none.

Life is not a question. It is not a problem. It is simply there. Live it or leave it, that’s all. Either live it and delight in it, enjoy it, or leave it and commit suicide. But nothing else can be done, so when only these two alternatives are there, why not live it?

Start living... and you have energy, that’s why your body creates trouble. It is not really a trouble.

Because you are simply forcing some discipline on yourself, the body resists and revolts. The body says, ’Go and dance, swim’ – and you are doing hypnotherapy! (laughter) You are torturing poor

[therapist] unnecessarily!

[The sannyasin replies: You told me to! (laughter)]

If you ask me (chuckling) – I have to tell you. That’s why I have these torturers here. They torture you and you torture them! Some day you understand the whole nonsense and you drop out of it.

[The sannyasin says: I arranged to have postural integration with satyarthi.]

That’s again the same thing. But do it. Nothing is wrong in it. Enjoy it, but don’t take it as a therapy.

What I am insisting is that you could have enjoyed hypnotherapy if you had no problems. Then it is simply a beautiful experience, a great relaxing, but you are not coming as a patient. You come simply to enjoy as a guest. It is a beautiful dimension. You enter into the unconscious. It is good in itself, not as therapy. Good as a game.

[He answers: I was looking forward to it. I was expecting... ]

That’s the trouble. If you are looking for something, some result, then you miss the whole experience and then you come out of it frustrated. So at least do this – with this massage, enjoy it and don’t look for any results. Simply enjoy it.

... You have some karma to fulfill, so... some karma with satyarthi, so finish it!

CHAPTER 14

10 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Prem means love, parimal means fragrance, love’s fragrance. And that is the only fragrance there is, so remember it. Remember it so constantly that it becomes a deep truth in your being. Constantly remember it. By remembering something constantly, it creates a milieu around you. And as I see it, if one can attain to love, one has attained. If one misses love, one has missed. One can forget god, nothing is lost, but one cannot forget love. One should not forget love, because if one starts living and loving, god happens.

So love makes the real religion. The word ’god’ creates only a theology, a philosophy at the most, but something that is intellectual, something fragmentary, rational. Love is the only experience that possesses you totally, so when love knocks at your door, never say no. And don’t wait for love to knock at your door. Go on knocking on love’s door also. One should make love one’s prayer.

There is a deep fear about love. People talk about love but they are really scared. Sometimes they are even in love, but never totally. They move only so much. They move only to the limit from where they can return any moment, from where they can withdraw easily. They never make it a commitment. That is one of the miseries of the modern mind. It has lost the capacity of commitment, involvement. The modern mind lives in a hit-and-run affair – always afraid. And if you are afraid, you can only touch the periphery.

So be brave and try to go as deeply into love as possible. Even if sometimes there is deception –

the possibility is there – even if sometimes you are hurt by it – the possibility is there, because one becomes very soft and vulnerable – even if it brings misery, it is worth it.

A life of no misery without love is worthless. And a life of love, even with much misery in it, has tremendous value.

So never decide for any reason against love, whatsoever the cost. Drop all fears and move into the world of love.. And that is the very shrine of god... that is the only shrine.

Prem means love and dheera means wisdom; wisdom that comes out of love. And wisdom comes only out of love. If wisdom comes in any other way, it is pseudo. Then it is just verbal. It is not real and lived and experienced. You can call it knowledge but not wisdom. So love more – that is the only way to know more.

Reality opens its doors only to those who are deeply in love, god unveils his face only to those who are in deep love.

[A sannyasin with her young son, says: Last time when I came to darshan, afterwards I felt very frightened.]

So what should I do? Should I make you more frightened? (with a chuckle)

[Osho said that as one came closer to him – as in any love relationship – fear was bound to arise. It was indicative of a fear of losing one’s ground... ]

Something deep is going to happen, so the mind is afraid, trembling. There is every possibility you may escape, but that you do at your own risk – because escaping from me is basically escaping from your own possibility. Fighting with me is really fighting with your own future and your own destiny, because I have nothing else to give you.

I can only give you to yourself, nothing else. I have no commandment to enforce on you, no ideals, no discipline, nothing whatsoever. I can just make you available to yourself. I am just a midwife, as socrates used to say. That is the right term, a midwife. I can only help delivery, that’s all.

And of course before delivery there is much labour – and that’s what you are passing through. Much is going to happen. It is very close, by the comer. The treasure is not very far, hence the fear. You are afraid of arriving home.

[Osho tells her that it would be good to encourage her son to meditate, adding that:]

... that which can be done very easily now becomes very difficult later on. The more one grows in age, the farther away one is from god.’

[The Tao group is present. The leader said said: One thing that helped a lot was that we did a silent prayer and let you come into everyone in the room – and it worked well.

There’s an issue for me in that I felt that for me to sit in the centre would set me apart from everyone else. So I sat with everyone in the group. I wondered what your thoughts were about that.]

You felt a little uncomfortable?

... But continue to sit in the centre and drop the discomfort, because that discomfort is coming not because you are sitting in the centre – that discomfort is coming because by sitting in the centre you are becoming special; it is that idea. Otherwise whether in the centre or the periphery, it is the same. So drop the idea – that is the real thing. By and by, you will be as comfortable in the centre as with the group. Then if you want to sit with the group, you can, but not before it. That idea has to be dropped.

That is a sort of subtle ego that creates discomfort – it is not sitting in the centre... a sort of subtle ego that starts feeling important. So that ego will not go just by not sitting in the centre. It will not be so apparent when you are sitting with the whole group. It becomes apparent, more focussed, when you are in the centre. But it is good that it is there and it is good to drop it consciously, deliberately.

Go on sitting in the centre.

You can do one thing that will be very helpful. Touch everybody’s feet and then sit in the centre.

Suddenly you will enjoy it and it will be so comfortable. Try it whenever you feel any ego arising, touching the feet of anyone who is passing will be tremendously helpful. Suddenly it becomes ridiculous to think of yourself as special. So ridicule the ego. Don’t try to move into situations where it is not apparent. No, let it become as apparent as possible and let it become ridiculous.

Nothing kills the ego like laughter. Seriousness never kills the ego – it enhances it. So first touch the feet of the whole group; that will help the group also. A tremendous surrender will happen. They will be more close to you and your work will become very easy. And tell me next time.

And whenever you need me, call me, I enjoy these trips myself! (laughter) Whenever I am needed, call me.

[A sannyasin said that he had discovered a violence inside himself, and a fear of women. He said he felt the fear of women was connected with his birth, which he had relived in the group and which had been very painful for him.]

They are all interdependent and connected. The fear of women is basically the fear of the mother.

And everybody has to come to a reconciliation with the mother. Unless you are reconciled with the mother you will never be reconciled with any woman, because every woman again and again reminds you of your mother. Sometimes it may not be consciously, but unconsciously it will hit.

And every birth is painful now. Civilisation has completely destroyed natural birth. No child is born naturally. The mother is so tense that she does not help the process of birth. In fact she starts obstructing it. She does not allow the child to go out. She starts closing her womb.

This is in tune with the whole tense life that we are living. The modern idea, the basic idea on which all anxiety is founded, is that we have to fight with life and with nature. So it is nothing special to you. Every child more or less has suffered birth. So the only way is to relive it, to make it completely conscious again. Once you can live it consciously, you can understand and forgive your mother, because that poor woman was suffering. It is not that she has done anything to you. She was herself a victim. Nobody is at fault because the whole situation is faulty. She was loaded with her own birth and she again re-enacted it with you. That is the only way she knew how to do it.

So once you become alert, conscious, aware, you can forgive.

Not only that, you can feel

compassion for her. Once compassion arises in you for your mother, reconciliation has happened.

Then you don’t carry any grudge. And dropping that grudge suddenly will help you towards other women. You will not be afraid; you will be loving.

A woman is one of the most beautiful phenomena in the world; not to be compared with anything else. The woman is the masterpiece of god. So if you are afraid of woman, you will be afraid of god.

You will be afraid of love, afraid of prayer. You will be afraid of all that is beautiful, because woman personifies beauty and grace.

And once this happens – that you start flowing towards feminine energy around you – then your violence will disappear. Violence is nothing but the energy that has to become love and is not becoming love. Violence is nothing but love unlived. A violent person is one who has too much love-energy and does not know how to release it. Love is creative, violence is destructive, and creative energy turns into being destructive if not used.

The group has made you aware of some very beautiful, meaningful things.

[A middle-aged visitor says: The group was very good for me. We did it in the nude and I was having a little trouble with my ageing body. They helped me to accept it.]

Mm, that’s very good. That can make you more young. A very good feeling about one’s own body helps life tremendously. It makes you more healthy, more whole. Many people have forgotten their bodies; they have become oblivious and they think about the body as if it is something which has to be hidden behind clothes, something which has to always be covered and not allowed to be seen; something obscene, impure. Absurd notions, neurotic notions.

The body is beautiful. The body as such is beautiful; young or old makes no difference. Of course youth has its own beauty and old age its own.

The young body is more vital. The old body is more wise. Each age has its own beauty; there is no need to compare it. And, particularly in the west, the old body has become a very frightening experience because life is somehow thought synonymous with youth, which is a foolish idea.

The east is better. Life is more synonymous with the old, because an old man has lived more, experienced more, loved more; has known many seasons of life, ups and downs. The old man has lived youth. The youth has yet to live old age.

The old body simply carries all the experiences, the scars, the wounds, the grace that comes through ripening experiences. And once you start enjoying your body and loving it at whatsoever stage it is, suddenly you feel it is again beautiful, and that releases many things inside.

It has been a really beautiful experience.

CHAPTER 15

11 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin recently returned from japan, formerly had long flowing black hair. Tonight his hair was cropped very short.]

It was looking good – grow it again! Because long hairs are very symbolic, very significant. It is not just accidental that the new generation has moved towards long hair. It is indicative of a very deep change in the world mind.

Man has always lived denying the woman within himself – and man is both man-woman, as woman is both woman-man. The whole old culture, the old tradition, has been an effort to demark the lines very clearly, to make it very distinct that man is different from woman and woman is different from man.

Long hairs are symbolic of the feminine, of the yin element.

When a man has long hair he is more total, more whole, more holy, because somehow he is no more denying the feminine element. He accepts it as part of himself: ’I am man-woman, both; yin-yang, both.’ So he is not in any conflict. He is no more schizoid; he is no more split. It is not only the long hairs, but the very approach that man should allow his inner woman expression also. There is no need for man to be just male; there is no need for any woman to be just female. If you try to be just male you will never become a whole person, and you will never be healthy. The denied, the rejected, will take its revenge on you. It will go on asserting itself. Accept it, absorb it.

A man is born out of a mother and a father. Half comes from the father, half from the mother. You are both. I love long hairs. They give you grace, they give you more roundness. They help you to be less cruel, less pointed.

So always remember, the woman has to be allowed. There are moments when you are more of a woman than of a man. It goes on continuously changing around the clock. So there is no need to have a fixed attitude about yourself. Sometimes you are a he, sometimes you are a she; there is no point in having any fixation. So one day you are male, another day you are female. It goes on changing like the climate.

In the morning it was raining. In the evening it is not raining. In the afternoon it was cloudy; now it is no more cloudy. That is the beauty of nature because it is in a flux and flexible and has no consistency to follow – no ideas, no rules, nothing like ten commandments; do this, don’t do that. It simply goes on moving in a very haphazard and absurd way. That is its beauty. It goes on moving into the other; there is not even a little hitch. When the day becomes night, there is not even a slight hesitation. It simply slips into the night. Then the night slips into the day.

That is the meaning of the yin-yang symbol – each slipping into each other. Then man becomes holy. Whole is holy, and there is no other holiness. And holiness is not against sin. Holiness is against split, fragmentation.

So to be a man is a sinner; to be a woman is a sinner. To be both is holy. Let your hair grow again.

And I am not only talking about hair. I am just giving you an indication that you have to absorb the woman more and more. Talking about hair is just a parable.

Anand means bliss and kapoor means camphor. It is used in hindu worship. You burn it... it gives a beautiful fragrance. And when it is burned, it bums totally; nothing is left behind. That’s the beauty of it. It simply disappears – not even a trace is left. Because of its total disappearance it has become a very meaningful religious symbol in india.

Camphor comes from kapoor – the same word. The english term is derived from the original sanskrit. That name will mean bliss is like camphor. If you disappear, only then, it is. When a self is completely gone, not even a trace is left behind, then only are you blissful. To attain to bliss, one has to dissolve oneself completely.

Bliss is not a pursuit. Happiness is not a pursuit as they say in the american constitution – that the pursuit of happiness is one of the most fundamental rights of man. That is one of the most stupid assertions of man ever. And that has led the whole american continent into madness.

You cannot pursue happiness. If you pursue it, you will become more and more unhappy. The more you pursue it, the more unhappy you will be. You have to disappear for it to come; you cannot pursue it. It is not a right. It is a grace. You cannot demand it. In the very demanding, you will destroy it. It comes to you when you are not. It comes in your total emptiness. When you have effaced yourself utterly, suddenly it is there. You are the hindrance, so you cannot pursue it.

That will be the meaning. Anand kapoor will mean to disappear like camphor so there is no hindrance for bliss. It is already showering. If you are not there, you will be fulfilled.

[An Argentinian visitor who has been in Japan said he was learning gardening: There are zen gardens but there is nobody to teach them.]

I can teach you! Zen is almost dead in japan. It used to be there; it is no more there. That’s why

[the sannyasin who brought you] has to come here. Zen is part of history there. Because zen is not something tangible; it exists only when there is a zen master. It is very fragile like a flower. When the master is gone, the flower is gone. Of course the fragrance lingers on a little. But how longer can it linger? It also disappears. So zen exists only with a living master. It cannot exist as a tradition.

And it is not a question of zen gardening or zen archery or zen calligraphy. That is not the question.

If you know zen, then whatsoever you do becomes zen. You do gardening and it becomes zen.

It depends on your vision. Whatsoever you do.... You do cleaning and it becomes zen. You go swimming, and it becomes zen, because zen is a quality that you bring to something.

Zen is an approach, a vision, an attitude. If you can look at something without the mind.... If you look at a garden without the mind... you don’t want to manoeuvre manipulate, you don’t have any plan; you simply sit in the garden and you surrender to the garden, to the spirit of the garden, you become possessed by the spirit of the garden. Not that you plant trees here and there and you cut and prune; not that. You simply allow yourself to be a servant to the garden and you tell the garden,

’Now you tell me what to do,’ and the garden leads you. The spirit of the garden possesses you and it starts functioning through you... then the garden itself shows you the way – where to put the rock, where to plant the trees, where the moss is needed, where the sand is needed. It is not that you do it. You simply allow the garden to do it through you. You become a vehicle.

I will teach you. How long can you be here? Three months? Very good. First things first: become a sannyasin! Close your eyes....

You are absolutely ready for me. This will be your new name, so forget the old: swami anand anshumali.

Anand means bliss, happiness, the ultimate happiness, and anshumali means the source of life, the sun. Literally it means the sun; the sun of bliss. But symbolically the sun is called anshumali because mali means a gardener and ansu means light, so the sun is called the gardener of light, because in the morning it comes and sows seeds of light. So symbolically it means the gardener of light. And that will be your path – to become a gardener of light and bliss.

So it is not a question of something to do on the outside. It is something that you have to do inside.

You sow the seeds inside but you harvest the crop outside, because one functions like dark soil –

the flowers come on the outside but the seeds and the roots remain deep underground. So bliss will come outside, it will stream out, it will flow in many ways, but the basic work has to be done inside.

Many flowers will come, you will bloom, but the work has to be done inside. All that is significant needs darkness, privacy. When it is ready, it expresses itself.

God is like roots. The world is like the tree. The roots are hidden, god is hidden. We can see the world; we never see god. Whatsoever we see is just the visible part, the tip of the iceberg but the real goes on remaining hidden behind.

You are ready. Much has already happened without your knowing. You have been groping, but coming closer and closer to the path. And much is going to happen. Just relax and cooperate with me.

[A sannyasin returns from the West with her boyfriend. She said that he just wanted to be friends, not lovers; and her heart is broken.]

We have a very wrong idea about friendship. It is a higher state than love. It is the very essence of love. In fact, if love grows deep it becomes friendship. But we have a wrong idea about friendship.

We think friendship is just so-so, just acquaintance; love is very deep. But then you don’t know what friendship is. Love has its own turmoils, ups and downs. Friendship is very tranquil. It knows no ups, no downs. Yes, it will not have those peaks that love has, but it will also not have those valleys that follow the peak. Love is a restlessness. Friendship is tremendously restful.

Whether lovers say it or not, by and by they become friends. In fact, many things by and by disappear. But in the beginning if you have some very wrong idea about it, your heart can be broken.

But you are unnecessarily becoming miserable. You have known love, you have been intimate with him. Now try to know friendship also. Taste it also.

... So don’t take it in any negative way. It is painful because we value love more than friendship. That is because of our evaluation, otherwise friendship is a very high state of love. When love has come of age it becomes friendship. When love has lived through happy and unhappy moments and has matured, ripened, then it becomes friendship. Love has many miseries in it. It is a mixed pleasure.

It is a very confused state. Much possessiveness, jealousy, domination, much ego and a thousand and one things go on in the name of love.

Friendship is totally different. But friendship can happen only out of love. So don’t be worried.

Accept it, welcome it, and now let love move even deeper and you will be benefited.

[The sannyasin then said she was unsure as to whether she should go back to her husband from whom she had separated when she was with her boyfriend. She said she loved him as a friend but not a lover. Osho said to move with her feelings... ]

If you feel good, be with him, otherwise be on your own; that too will be good. And don’t be heartbroken.

Life has to be lived in many many ways and one never knows what is going to happen next. So always remain hopeful and always remain trustful and go wherever life leads. Don’t cling to anything; don’t cling to [your boyfriend]. It is life that brought you together. It is life that made you fall in love.

It is life that has brought you to a state of friendship. Whatsoever life brings is good. It is a gift from god. Welcome it unconditionally and you will become more and more capable of receiving more and more gifts.

Never hanker for the past and never ask that it should be repeated. Always remain available for the future – fresh, hopeful, waiting, patient. One never knows how many more riches life is going to reveal to you. So never carry any negativity about anything and never take too much interest in any sort of misery, otherwise that becomes a vested interest. Then you have invested much in it. So don’t cry or weep. Whatsoever has happened is good. Accept it, float with it. What can you do?

The very idea to manage one’s life and to control one’s life is absurd. We cannot manage it, we cannot control it. We are such a small atomic part in such a vast network that the only way is to relax and go with the stream.

So don’t waste the days you are here. Be friendly, be loving, be together, meditate... enjoy being here.

[The boyfriend says: All my life I have felt confused and have been searching, and feeling fearful. I feel at this point my life is disintegrating. I say to myself that I want direction, and in the same breath I feel okay.]

Mm, that is the direction for you. Feeling that it is all okay is your direction. There is nowhere to go and you are not to become somebody else. Whosoever you are, you are good. So, no need to search. Just be and enjoy and never carry any condemnation, because this is the only way you can be, this is the only way god has chosen to be in you. So don’t create any ideals. Don’t have any shoulds in the mind. Atl shoulds are criminal.

One should live without shoulds, without any commandments. One should live without any enforced discipline, and then one will never feel that one is disintegrating. Then that chaos itself has its own order1 and when the chaos has its own order it is beautiful. When you enforce an order it is ugly.

How can your order be very beautiful? Enforced, it carries violence, it carries bloodstains. And against whom are you going to enforce? Against yourself. So you become divided into two parts: one that you bully and one that becomes the enforcer. It is a very violent game, a self-torture. You have already tortured yourself enough. There is no need. Drop all torturing... just be.

And be like a child. Wherever life leads you, that’s your direction. There is no need to carry any compass, no need to carry any maps. Without compass, without maps, just go on moving. Life is already directing. Relax into it. This is the way, this is the direction.

This is what in the east we call ’tao’. One simply allows oneself as it happens, as it comes. That which happens on its own accord is natural. That is the meaning of the word ’tao’ – that which happens on its own accord, without any conflict. It is chaotic, but still it has a centre. And the chaos also has an order in it but that order comes from within; it is not enforced from without. That order is organic.

The seed is planted in the soil and it bursts forth. In that bursting forth, in that chaos, an order arises and the tree starts growing. Out of such a small seed, out of such a small centre, such a big periphery, such a big circle, so many branches, so many flowers.... Nobody is putting this order. It is coming out of the seed, it is growing out of the seed. It is coming from inside the seed. This is organic order.

So whatsoever man can do will be mechanical, and whatsoever man allows to happen is organic. I believe in the organic. I believe in the inherent, intrinsic order that is already there. You simply allow it. Even without your allowing, it has been functioning – that’s why you have come here. In spite of you, it has carried you all along the way. So drop all nonsense that one has to bring any order or any direction.

The seed never thinks of what direction to move in, where to go. The river never thinks of what direction to go in; it simply goes. Zig-zag is its path. It doesn’t move in a straight line of course

– sometimes to the north, sometimes to the south. Sometimes this way, sometimes that way, it goes on moving, zig-zag, but finally it reaches to the ocean. It is not a straight line; it is not very economical, that’s true. If a map were given to the river and engineers were to manipulate it, it would go in a direct line, straight, but then it would not be alive. It would not be so beautiful. It would not be a river at all. Something of tremendous import would be lost in that enforcement. So just be a river.

There is no need for any direction. This is my direction. And you have been moving beautifully; go on.

The disintegration is not there. The disintegration will happen again and again because you go on enforcing an outward order. Then that order disintegrates because the organic chaos cannot tolerate it. It is against it, so it goes on sabotaging it. Then. you feel disintegrated. Stop ordering and then there is no disintegration; then there is nothing to disintegrate. It is such a beautiful experience then to live moment to moment without any outward direction... just like a cloud. Wherever the winds take them, the clouds are always ready to go.

Be a white cloud.

[A sannyasin says: I have much doubt... About you. This darshan I don’t feel doubting. I feel at home again for a few moments.]

That will not last. That will not last much. You have to come to a deep understanding. These things won’t help.

The doubt arises because you are trying to believe in me. Who has told you to believe in me? If you believe in me then doubt will arise – that’s natural. All believers have doubts. So stop believing in me, then doubt will stop – because when you don’t believe there is no question of any doubt. And when you don’t believe, you will be able to see me and then trust will arise – and that is a totally different thing. Now [the previous sannyasin]... he has trust. Doubt can never arise because it is not a belief.

That’s the difference between trust and belief. Belief is pseudo, with effort. You try to believe in me, you do hard work, but how long can you do hard work? Some moments you relax, then doubt again bubbles up. Your belief is a sort of a tension; you enforce it. Doubt is there. No belief can kill doubt, never. At the most it can overpower it, but then for twenty-four hours you have to fight, and it is tiring.

And when you fight so long you have to rest. When you rest, the doubt will sit on your chest. Then again you start fighting. You drop belief and doubt will disappear. And when there is no doubt and no belief, the eyes are open.

Just see me. Just be with me, that’s all. There is no need to believe. Forget all belief. That’s what happened just now. Sitting here you were not trying. You forgot your struggle between belief and doubt. You just listened to me, you just felt me. For a few moments there was trust, but you again translated it as belief. You said that for those few moments there was no doubt. Again you have missed. You have not understood how it happened in those few moments. There was no belief and there was no doubt. It was a totally different dimension.

You were simply here. You felt my presence. It was a direct encounter, that’s all. Now don’t interpret it as a belief – that for a few moments you came to believe and then doubt came again. By the time you are out of the gate of the lao tzu house, you will get the doubt. Exactly when you see krishna –

the moment you pass the gate-guard – doubt will arise. This is not going to help.

Try to understand. Don’t try to interpret it as belief. Simply try to understand how it happens, just herenow. I am the same, you are the same. Why for these few moments did it happen? Then why cannot it happen forever? Just try to understand those moments, the mechanism of how it happened. And relax yourself into those moments more and more. There is no need to believe in me; then there is no point in doubting. I allow you complete freedom from belief.

Don’t relate with me through belief; there is no need. And belief is never really a bridge. It is a false bridge. It only appears to connect you with me; it never connects. It is just a hope, not a truth, not a reality – a fiction, not a fact. But in those few moments a bridge happened. But again the mind came back and gave you an afterthought of, ’Look, these are the moments of belief, when there was no doubt.’

Remember, when there is trust there is neither doubt nor belief. Both are absent. When there is belief, doubt is not absent, only invisibly present. Behind the belief there is always doubt. In trust, both disappear. The very terminology becomes irrelevant. So just try – but stop believing and let us see what happens.

[She adds: You told me some time ago that I need a lover and that it would take one week. I was so confused about it because it took one month. And you told me to bring him here to darshan and I didn’t know why you said I need a lover, or what kind of lover.

You told me to knock at the doors and I would find many closed doors, so I really knocked... and sometimes it was funny.... ]

Mm, if you had knocked a little more intensely you would have found a lover in one week. You must have been sluggish and slow; that’s why it took one month. It can take one year; it depends. If I say one week, it can happen even in one day. It was just tentative. to give you a certain idea a certain hope. These are not scientific statements – that one week means one week. It depends on a thousand and one things.

If you had worked, if you had trusted me, it could have happened in one week. I am surprised that it happened at all. Even in one month it happened; that’s a surprise. If it had not happened even in one month I would not have been surprised, because you still look very unloving. So it must have happened from the other side; not by your knocking. He must be standing with his doors open.

He must himself have been in search. It cannot be totally your effort because you still seem very unloving. That’s why you ask what is the need and why did I tell you to find a lover. You don’t even feel the need of it. You are so dry, desert-like, that a little rain will be good; that’s why I said it. A little melting will be good.

And you call it funny.... Call it fun, not funny. A little fun is good. It will make you less serious, more joyful. You look so serious, deadly serious... as if the whole world depends on you and if you are gone the whole will disintegrate. Why are you so serious? Just take a little more fun in life. That’s what I mean – it will relax you.

Be a little more playful. You will learn much more about life and you will know more meditative moments, because a playful moment is naturally a meditative moment. And meditation never happens to serious people. It never happens to people who are too grave. They destroy it. Sol mean that you should be a little fun-loving, laugh a little more, do a few foolish things. And love is the best that one can do as far as foolish things go. I meant fool around a little, that’s all. Be a little foolish; that will help. That will give you a little spice in your life. But no need to believe in me.

I am a madman. I go on saying things (laughter), but there is no need to believe in me, because then doubt arises. Simply listen to me. If you feel like doing, do; if you don’t feel like doing, don’t do.

There is no question of belief and no question of doubt.

And I am not responsible for what I say, so never quote me again. Because I myself have forgotten completely. Gone is gone! I am irresponsible and non-serious. So whatsoever I say, listen to it and then if you feel like doing it, do. If you don’t do it there is no need to feel guilty. If you do it don’t feel that you have obliged me, or something.

But still I would like to repeat, if you become a little more playful, a little more foolish, it will be helpful, tremendously helpful, mm? Good.

[A sannyasin says: I wrote you a letter... about not feeling worthy or being good.

He passes bhagwan a short note, which Osho reads.

Mm, this is a human predicament. It has nothing to do with you. Everybody feels that he is unique.

There is a joke, a mohammedan joke, that when god creates anybody he plays a trick. He says in each person’s ear, ’You are the best that I have created yet. You are unique.’ And he goes on saying this to everybody, so everybody believes that he is unique.

And nothing is wrong in it. Everybody is unique. But when I say that everybody is unique, I don’t mean in any comparative sense. You are not more unique than the other. The other is also as unique as you. To be unique is a common property of every human being or every being. To be unique is a universal quality, so there is nothing to feel guilty about. It is natural. But don’t take it in a comparative sense. Don’t think that you are better than others, higher than the masses. Then you are becoming neurotic. You are unique because there is nobody like you. Unique you are. There has never been such a man as you and there never will be again because god never repeats his mistakes (laughter). You understand me?

... So there is nothing to worry about. And the second thing that creates the predicament: when you feel you are unique, at the same time you feel that there are many inadequacies. That too is human. To feel unique is human, to feel inadequate is also human, because humanity is a limited phenomenon. We are not unlimited, and there are always possibilities to learn more, to be more.

So one is never satisfied. But it is good, otherwise there would be no growth.

Only idiots are content. They think they are perfect. Otherwise everybody thinks there are a thousand and one things yet to be learned.

So this is the predicament – that one feels unique and still one feels inadequate. But there is no contradiction in it. Both are natural. The problem, the practical problem then, is what to do?

If you are thinking that you will start doing things only when you are perfect, then you will never be able to do anything. So start doing; howsoever inadequate, start doing. Because by doing, you will become more and more adequate. You will learn by doing. There are things which can be learned only by doing. There is no other way. So whatsoever you feel and love, do it. It is not going to be perfect, that’s true. But that is the only way that one day it can come closer and closer to perfection.

Don’t make your feeling of uniqueness egoistic. It is simply natural to everybody. This is how everybody thinks he is unique. So you are not unique in thinking it. It is very ordinary.

And the second thing: man has limitations. In a small span of life, how can one be perfect? So don’t get miserable about it. Polish yourself a little here and there, try to do as much as you can, and don’t become mad about it. Perfectionists always go mad because perfection is not possible. We are imperfect. We are perfectly imperfect. So you can do a little here, a little there, but don’t think that you will come to perfection. Closer and closer we come, but we never arrive. No, we go an arriving, but we can never say, ’I have arrived.’

And the third thing: start doing whatsoever you want to do, knowing your limitations. Knowing them well, start doing – because what else can you do? If you wait, then when will you start? The time will be gone. Soon life slips out of the hands; it is running away already. So everybody has to start when he is not really ready to start. Everybody has to start before he is ready to start. But that is the only way.

So I don’t see any problem. Simply go, help people for my work. Take my message, spread it. And I accept all your limitations. I never expect any perfection from anybody. I am not a perfectionist at all. I love people with all their limitations and imperfections.

So just go, start doing, and learn by doing.

[A sannyasin said that while he was in a residential group his girlfriend moved in to live with someone else. Now he has difficulty smiling at her, and that makes her feel guilty.]

Have a good laugh. A smile will be difficult. A laugh will be easier. Laugh at the whole ridiculousness of it. This is how human beings are. Nobody knows what is happening. why they are doing this and that.

[Osho said that we are all moving so unconsciously so what can one do? (See ’get out of your own way’, tuesday april 20th, where bhagwan talks about this at length.)]

So when you see her and you cannot smile, have a good laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Not that you are laughing at her.; you are laughing at yourself also. It is a situation for you to transcend, to see how fragile everything is. You call it love, and it disappears within moments. You were ready to die for this woman, and now you can kill her! Watch this violence, this aggression, this domination, and just watching will help you to transcend it. You will transcend it.

(to vivek, at his side) A handkerchief for him.

Do one thing: whenever you see her, put it on your head (bhagwan, by way of demonstration, places the handkerchief on his own head... much laughter) and it will immediately bring laughter. And she will also laugh at what you are doing. But always remember that life is ridiculous, and don’t try to make it a tragedy. Always help it to become a comedy.

Put it on your head and let me see what happens. You will look foolish and it will do the trick!

[The enlightenment intensive group was present tonight. A group member said she had some wonderful experiences, and then today has just gone back again.]

No, no don’t be worried. This is a rhythm. It happens; one goes up and down. It is a hilly track. It is not a super-highway – and at least not an american super-highway... indian (much laughter). And the season is of rains and everything is muddy.

So this is how it goes. When you relapse, just watch and just see. Just know deep down that this will pass – and it will pass. Do the camp totally – you are ready for it. Dance and be ecstatically mad.

[She then says: I don’t know what it is, but I have this fear inside. I mean I was really looking forward to coming to darshan tonight and then just sitting here... opposite you and facing you, just made me want to... cry (beginning to sob).]

Yes, I know! You can cry. I love people crying! It is good. Crying is beautiful. Don’t take it amiss. It is beautiful... it is as beautiful as laughter.

And I can see that it is not because of any misery that you want to cry. In fact you are surprised at your capacity to be happy. So you want to cry, that’s all. Those tears are perfectly.... You cannot believe. It is too good to be true. That’s why it is happening. It is so much that you cannot say it in any other way so it comes out in tears. It is an overflowing heart....

CHAPTER 16

12 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Anand means bliss and karunesh means god of compassion. So the whole name will mean god of compassion and bliss. And compassion is going to be your path. Feel as much compassion as possible. Feel unconditionally compassionate. And give as much as you can give of your love.

Share your life as much as you can share.

Sharing your energies will be your surrender. Through sharing you will attain to surrender, and through compassion you will arrive.

You are ready for me and much is possible now. You have prepared it.

... Much is going to happen, just allow it to happen. In fact, there is nothing needed to be done; one just has to allow. A life goes on happening on its own accord. We unnecessarily make efforts and struggle. It is not needed. Just a trust is needed – that whatsoever happens will be good. Nothing wrong ever happens, cannot happen, because we belong to this universe and this universe belongs to us. We are always at home. We are not strangers.

And there is no question of any fight. There is nobody to fight with. People who have notions of fighting and conquering and reaching somewhere and doing something, and who feel that if they don’t do, nothing will happen, are fighting with their own shadows, and they will be and feel, in the end, very ridiculous, because whatsoever happens was going to happen. If they had allowed, they would have saved much trouble for themselves and much torture.

So simply be here – meditate, delight... delight in just being here, and enjoy it....

Anand anupam.... It means unique bliss. Anupam means unique, incomparable and anand means bliss; bliss unique, incomparable. And bliss is always unique. Whenever it happens, to whomsoever it happens, it is unique. Nothing like it has ever happened before. Whenever you come to realise your being, it is a unique experience; it has not happened to you ever before. It has happened to other people but never in the same way as it is happening to you, because each individual comes in his own way to god. And each individual is so unique and so different from others that his experience cannot be compared with anybody else.

That’s why buddha is so different from jesus and jesus is so different from mohammed and mohammed is so different from lao tzu. And they have all arrived home. They have all known what truth is. They have all attained to the ultimate bliss, but they are different. Their experience is different because the experiencer is different. Their expression is different.

When buddha attained he became so silent, so unmoving, so still, that he almost became a statue.

When meera attained she became almost mad, and started dancing. When chaitanya attained he exploded in songs. It happens to everybody in a unique way. Everybody comes to the same truth.

The truth is the same, but because we are different when we come to it.... It is not only that truth happens to us; we also happen to truth. It is not only that god happens to us; we also happen to him. And of course that combination has never happened before, so the experience is going to be absolutely unique. That is the meaning of anupam.

I believe that each individual is unique. Nobody is superior, inferior, because no two individuals are alike – so how to decide who is superior and who is inferior? All categories of superior, inferior, are just false, created by society to harness people into ambition. Society also teaches you comparison.

Somebody is more intelligent, so you have to be more intelligent. Somebody is a good dancer, so you have to be a better dancer. Somebody is good at mathematics, so you have to be good at mathematics. Somebody is good at earning money, so you have to compete – otherwise you are inferior. So everybody is driven crazy by this competitive state.

A man becomes silent and happy only when this competitive state is dropped, when one comes to feel that there is no point in comparison: ’I am myself Somebody else is somebody else. I am myself and I cannot be anybody else. There is no way to get out of myself.’ All efforts are doomed to failure, and if you try too hard you will become pseudo. That’s how hypocrisy is born. Then one has a mask, a carbon-copy personality and then one is unhappy.

Nobody can be happy pretending to be somebody else. Happiness happens only when you have accepted yourself totally and you have decided that now you have to be yourself. When you have accepted and welcomed whatsoever you are with deep gratitude and with no comparison with anybody, then you are not anywhere in any hierarchy with anybody – lower or higher. Nobody is ahead of you and nobody is behind. You are simply unique, alone, and once you can see it, it is tremendously beautiful. All anxiety and all tension, all effort to prove, simply disappears, and then one starts enjoying because the whole energy becomes available. One’s whole energy was involved in competition, fighting with others, trying to prove one’s worth. You are intrinsically valuable. Each individual is. The value does not depend on what you do. The value depends on what you are.

So look at yourself as unique and look at others as unique, and never compare, never, never. Drop the whole comparing mechanism of the mind, then you will relax and bliss will arise. In that relaxed moment it arises on its own accord.

You are going to become very very blissful... simply relax.

(to another sannyasin) The energy is moving really well. Start one meditation from tonight. This will help energy come to a climax. Let things happen on their own accord.

Hold the hands in a very prayerful mood and start a mantra ’Ah... ah... ah’, loudly, but not very loudly. And move with that ’Ah... ah... ah’; move with it. Do it for just five to seven minutes not more than that. Just before you go to sleep, sit in your bed and just bring the energy out. Move very slowly, very gracefully; don’t become violent. That’s why I am saying not more than five or seven minutes, because if you do it more, you will become more and more agitated, and then the prayer will be lost.

After seven days, be in the same posture but change the sound ’Ah’ to ’Aha’. That will go still deeper

– ’Aha... aha... aha’. After fifteen days tell me how you are feeling. First ’Ah’ for seven days, and the

’Aha’ for seven days. The sound ’Aha’ can give tremendous grace.

God happens as an ’Aha’ experience. God is not a proposition but an exclamation.

So you start. The energy is going very well. Prayer will be helpful... and this is your prayer, nothing else.

[A sannyasin said that since his girlfriend left he feels a hole: I realise that everything I do, I try to turn into an ego trip.]

A good realisation in a way. That’s what people go on doing with love-affairs. They are not really love-affairs, they are ego-affairs. People call them love-affairs, that’s one thing, but they are not.

Love is not such a cheap thing. It is very difficult to attain to love. One has to pass through many transformations. One has to become so pure and ready for it – only then it happens. All that we call love is nothing but an ego phenomenon.

We go on fulfilling some holes in our being by the other, the object of love. And we go on looking into the other’s eyes for our image. So when the lover or the beloved disappears, suddenly there is a hole. Because you miss the mirror in which you could see your face, you miss your face. You don’t know now who you are because [your girlfriend] was giving you a definition. She was demarking your boundary – that this is you – and she was holding together that definition. In the same way she must be feeling lost because you were functioning as a mirror to her ego.

That is the real problem when lovers separate. They have invested too much in each other. I hat’s why many people continue to remain together even though love has disappeared long ago – they cannot afford to lose the other. Husbands and wives cling, knowing well that now they are clinging to nothing; there is nothing to hold it together. Love has disappeared long ago, or maybe it had not been there in the first place. And they know it, they are aware of it, and they feel miserable about it, but they cannot do anything. A thousand and one times they think to separate, but the very idea of separation brings fear because the image is in the hands of the other. Once the other is no more there, you don’t know who you are. Suddenly you lose your identity. You lose your soul, your self.

Suddenly everything becomes messy.

Good, that this has happened. This should make you aware. Now you are trying to fill it and there is no way to. This is not the way. You can eat too much; it will not help. It may be just avoiding. The hole is not in the body, so you cannot stuff it with food. You can get involved in too many activities, but the hole is not in the mind either, so activities are not going to help. You can at the most forget it for a few moments when you are occupied; again it will be there staring in your eyes and frightening you.

No, the hole is deeper than your body and mind. You have to understand this hole and you have to start living with it, because the more possible and probable thing is that by trying food, work, activity, this and that, friendships, the club, the movies, the radio, by and by you will see, ’No, these are not the ways to fill it.’ Then you will start looking for another woman, and again you will settle. Again this new woman will give you a definition. Then you have missed an opportunity. Again you are in the same trap. Again it will happen in the same way.

This time start living with your aloneness. That is the hole. This time don’t try to fill it. Let it be.

Difficult, hard, arduous... you will feel very ad, depressed; let it be, but learn to live alone. I am not saying to be alone for your whole life, but first learn to live alone and then find a partner. Then the relationship will be on a totally different plane; it will not be a mirror. You can live alone, and only then can you love. Then love is no more a neurotic need. It is no more something on which you have to depend for your definition. You can be alone. You know now, without your love, who you are.

Love becomes a sharing. Then, because you have, you want to share. Then love is not a need but a luxury. And when love is a luxury, it is beautiful. You follow me?

Something can be a need; then it is ugly because you have to be dependent on it. And you always feel annoyed, angry, because you have to be dependent on somebody. You can never be at ease with anybody if you have to be dependent on him or her, because you know that this is a bondage and your freedom is lost. When you are capable of living alone, happily, joyfully, and the need has disappeared – you don’t have any hole inside and you don’t feel lonely, you enjoy your aloneness; it is no more absence of the other, it has become presence of your being – then you share. Then love is freedom. It is not an imprisonment. It is beautiful and you start growing. If somebody is there to share with you, good. If nobody is there, that too is good.

So this time try to be with your aloneness and don’t make these absurd efforts. They can be harmful to the body. Too much eating can be harmful to the body. Too much activity can be harmful to your inner silence, meditation. Too much occupation can be destructive. So don’t fill this space; allow it.

Feel grateful to [your girlfriend. She gave much to you when she was with you. She is still giving you much now she is gone. She has given you this opportunity to be alone and to see how dependent you have become.

Meditate more because these moments can become very meditative. And don’t hanker for any love-affair. Just be. For a few days just enjoy aloneness. And only when you are enjoying it and you are contented, then move into a relationship. And it will be on a different plane, a higher plane. Good.

[A sannyasin says: I’ve been feeling bad and very confused for the last few days, with no energy and feeling so helpless. Then it was the full moon and the next day when I woke up the feelings were gone. Now I feel much better.]

Very good. The moon sometimes can affect one very much, so watch it and use it. Keep a record at least for two months, each day. Keep it according to the moon. Start from the first-day moon and keep a record of how you feel on the whole that day, then the second moon, the third moon, then the fourth, and the full moon. As the moon starts declining, go on making a record. You will be able to see the rhythm – that your moods will be moving according to the moon.

And once you know your chart exactly, you can do many things with that chart. You can know beforehand what is going to happen tomorrow and you can be prepared for it. If it is going to be sad, then enjoy sadness. Then there is no need to fight with it. Rather than fighting, use it, because sadness can also be used.

[Osho went on to say that problems arise because we resist the moods we find ourselves in and create conflict, but all moods can be used and enjoyed.]

[A sannyasin says: I find that I keep counting things – money, what food I have eaten – and I can spend half an hour or so just counting and then I do it over and over again. I know it is stupid but if I don’t do it, I don’t feel right.]

So do one thing. Rather than counting in the mind, count it on paper – because counting in the mind can become an unconscious thing. You can go on counting and counting and counting. And anything that becomes unconscious has more grip on you. So the first thing is to make it conscious.

To make it conscious, it is very helpful to put it down on paper. So carry a small notebook with you and when the idea arises to count, write it down, clearly. Just make a list.

[She answers: You know, I also feel guilty about it. I don’t like it.]

No, there is something else behind it. If you feel guilty, you will repress it. Something else is behind it. It will develop. Just do what I am saying. Soon you will become aware that counting is not the real thing; there is something else hiding behind it. It is just a signal. There is some other problem, which you don’t want to face, hiding behind it.

But don’t feel guilty about it. Nothing is wrong in it... and you have a scientific mind, that’s all (laughter). And so have a notebook – and don’t just do it by the way. Do it very particularly, in a scientific way – each item. money. everything. Whenever you have the idea, immediately do it Forget everything else This is your meditation.

For ten days do it in writing. If in these ten days you become aware of something else, come. You will become aware of something else. When it becomes a conscious thing, you will see immediately that the curtain has disappeared and you have become aware of something else – some anxiety, some fear, some problem, you are hiding behind. This is just a facade, a trick of the mind to get engaged in something so you can avoid a deeper problem.

To bring out the deeper problem, it has to be released. So don’t feel guilty. I am giving it to you as a meditation. And when you come next time, bring your copy with you! Good.

This evening there were over fifty sannyasins at darshan, as compared tO the usual twenty or so, most of them being members of the ashram’s music group or resident sannyasins who had come to dance with the group.

Before the group performed, bhagwan initiated several people, giving all four of them names in keeping with the mood of the evening....

OSHO (to peter, a large, blond-headed american visitor): Your new name: swami deva nartan.

It means divine dance. Deva means divine, nartan means dance. And that has to be your approach towards god. No need to be serious about it. All seriousness is illness. Laugh and dance your way.

To be joyful is the only prayer. And to learn how to dance so deeply that the dancer disappears in the dance, is the only worship.

To remember itj your name will be a constant reminderBJust be joyful. Religion is a way of celebrating life. It has nothing to do with that church-type seriousness; something has gone morbid.

Otherwise there is nothing to be serious about.

God is not serious, otherwise he cannot create such a beautiful world with so much music and delight in it, with so much love in it. He must be more of a dancer, a singer, painter or poet. It is difficult to conceive of him as a theologian or a priest or a catholic monk. It would not be just to imagine god that way. Hindus are more colourful about it.

Just see... (indicating the luxuriant green foliage of the trees and shrubs around the auditorium) all around, it is so green. This world cannot fit with a theological god. It can fit with a poet, a painter.

So let this be your constant reminder – that you have to dance your way to god, to laugh your way to god.

Anything you would like to say?

NARTAN: Osho, this is so far away from what I am now.

CHAPTER 17

13 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Deva means divine and geetika means a poem, a song; a divine song. Will it be easy to pronounce,

’geetika’?

And sing more – that’s all we can do. We can dance, we can sing. There is nothing else for man to do. Nothing else is possible. We can pray, we can be full of wonder... and we can allow the mystery to mystify us.

And look at life more like an artist – aesthetically. That is the only religious way to look at life – in an aesthetic way. When your eyes are full of beauty and you start looking through beauty all around, you have heard the song; the first presence has been felt. Beauty is the first entry of the divine into human consciousness. So sing, dance, feel beauty more and more... relax.

Prem means love and kaveesha means goddess of poetry. And to me, poetry is the door.

God is not a logical proposition. It cannot be proved – and those who try to prove him, who try to see him, are committing a sacrilege. You cannot prove your love – and if you can prove it, it is no more love. It remains unproved. And that’s the beauty of it. You cannot drag it into the mundane world, with mind and logic and reason.

So poetry, to me, is the only approach. If a person goes on becoming more and more poetic, by and by he is coming home.

In india we have two words for poets. One word is kavi, out of which I have made kaveesha. Another is rishi. When a kavi, a poet, really becomes his poetry, then he becomes a rishi, he becomes a seer. The poet is only sometimes a poet. The rishi is just a poet, a seer, and nothing else. The poet has only seen moments of poetry here and there, otherwise he is an ordinary man. If you meet him in the coffee house, you may not be impressed.

But sometimes he has flights, sometimes clouds disperse and a ray of light enters him. He is transported into another world. Then he sings songs which are in no way related to him. Even he is surprised. Back in the world, down on the earth again, he cannot believe what has happened to him. That’s why all great poets feel that something of the beyond took possession of them; they were not themselves. Some greater force possessed them and flowed through them.

The rishi is one for whom poetry has become his normal state. He will no more come back to the earth – or even if he walks on the earth, he remains far above, transcendental. So every poet, by and by, if he goes on growing and does not make poetry his ego trip, one day is bound to become a rishi, a seer. The door of poetry opens towards god, but one should not cling to the door.

If you cling to the door, you miss the palace.

[She says: I wanted to ask you about my father. He committed suicide, and it’s like a shadow that just stays with me.

Well, I couldn’t grieve for him for a long time – not until this year, and then within the last three, four months, it all came out – sadness and grief. In the throes of it I decided to come here, and I’ve been feeling better ever since I decided to come.]

No, it will go. In fact you should have grieved before. But one has to pass through it; it is natural. If you don’t pass that natural state, it can linger on for your whole life. Sadness is a passing mood – it comes and goes – but if you don’t allow it, it can become like a wound.

So somehow you managed not to allow it. It is happening to many people in the world because we are continuously being taught to control everything, and grief is felt as if one is weak. One is not weak, one is simply sensitive – and to be sensitive is to be human. Somebody dies and you loved them. It is natural to feel sad. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

[She answers: I wanted to ay, but it was as if it was too much to feel the pain.]

No, it is never too much, it is never too much. And it is such a beautiful experience. It is so cleansing and purifying... nothing like it. It has its own beauty, it has its own joy, if you allow me to say so. If you really grieve and go deeply into it, you will come out completely new and fresh and young, as if all the dust disappears with it; the past disappears with it. But it will go. So this time, if it comes here, allow it – and enjoy it.

I’m not saying only allow it, because one can allow it very reluctantly. One can allow it very distantly.

One can remain aloof and allow it, but then it will remain somewhere – a lingering shadow will continue – and that is bad; that is very dangerous. It can become a continuous hangover and that can destroy your present.

So the account has to be dosed. And when it is a question of father or mother, it is a very deep account. In fact, if you can close your account with your father, you will for the first time become mature, because the disappearance of the father is the disappearance of a certain security, a certain centre. With the father, the past has disappeared. You are no more a child – you have become grown up.

And because it was suicide, it is more difficult to close the account. When a person dies naturally, you accept it. When a person commits suicide, you go on feeling that it might have been possible for it not to have happened. So somehow it is difficult to see the point – that one has ended. When a person commits suicide we go on feeling in our minds that there must have been some way.... It is possible that he could still be alive, because it was not a natural death. But in fact no death is unnatural. It is just our understanding that makes the distinction. It was natural for him to commit suicide. That was his way of dying. And as far as I can see into people – into their life and their death – people who commit suicide have a certain very distinct individually.

In fact they are more individualistic than people who die naturally. They live their own way and they die their own way. Their death has their signature. They will not allow it to just happen. They like to give it a colour and a shape and a date. It happens many times that rare people commit suicide.

[She says: He was rare.]

So, nothing to be worried about. One should be happy about it. He was a rare man, and he had his own way of death. He lived his life, he died his way – and it was natural for him.

There are people for whom ordinary death is unnatural; it won’t fit with them. It will be simply like an accident that they died on their bed just by accident. It won’t fit with them. There are people for whom it is natural to put their lives aside and take the jump and the plunge into the unknown.

Because we cling too much to life., suicide looks like a sin. It is our clinging – because we are clingers, and if somebody commits suicide we condemn. But it is not necessarily that it is bad. The person may have taken a plunge into the unknown. He has known life, he is finished with it, now he wants to know what death is – and he wants to know it very consciously.

In india there exists one of the most ancient religions, jainism. That is the only religion in the world that allows suicide. It is very rare. It says that when a person, out of his meditation, comes to feel that now he has lived his life and there is no more to it so why go on repeating, he surrenders his life on his own.

That is the only religion. And I feel that sooner or later that is going to become part of every country and every constitution, because a man has a fundamental right to live and to die. Nobody should be allowed to prevent anybody. If somebody wants to dissolve himself, it is perfectly okay. It is his way.

If he wants not to live, then who are others to force him to live? Then it is an imprisonment.

I can see you, and just through you, I can feel that he must have been a rare man. You have something of him in you. So take it naturally. That was natural for him, because in fact nothing unnatural ever happens because it cannot happen. Whatsoever happens is natural, because only the natural can happen. Once you understand this, you accept everything.

And the grief will come. This time just go into it. You are here and I am here, so no need to be worried. Even if it seems too much, allow it. And you will feel very good. The burden and the shadow will disappear. And it will be good for your father also – not only for you – because whenever one party clings, the other also somehow remains attached. Once you have closed your accounts and you have said a clean goodbye, he is also free. Then he is not involved with you. Love always gives freedom – and this is the last freedom that is needed.

Love gives freedom in life, and love gives freedom in death too.

[A sannyasin, was at darshan tonight, after having heard that his wife of some years, was dangerously ill and hospitalised in germany.]

... don’t be worried about [your wife]. She is in a good state. If she stays a little longer, good. If she goes, that too is good.

But she has surrendered and is not fighting. If she dies, she is dying in a good state. Just don’t be worried.

And this will be good for you also. If you can just remain silently in deep acceptance of whatsoever happens, this may prove your greatest moment in growth. There may not be another opportunity again, because it is difficult to find a woman to die so soon again. mm?

So use it... use even death. Everything has to be turned into a skilful situation. Buddhists call it

’upaya’. Everything, even when death happens, let it become an ’upaya’, a situation to grow. It is happening whether you use it or not, so why not use it? Just accept it, and by your acceptance, she will also be helped.

And I would have sent you (to where she is hospitalised) but it is meaningless. The better thing is to be here, but to be totally accepting. That will be closer to her than just going there to berlin physically. It will not be of any help. Spiritually you will be there.

CHAPTER 18

14 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Deva means divine, samarpana means surrender; surrender to god, surrender to the divine. It means total surrender – and that is your way and your path. You are not supposed to do something about it. You are just supposed to allow god to do something to you.

We just have to be in tune with the whole... just like floating with the river, not swimming against it.

So relax. I see a certain tension in you. So relax more and take life easy. Don’t be serious about it. To be serious about life is to miss it. Become more like a child – accepting, delighting, enjoying small things.

God is not somewhere far away. He is just very close by. One has to learn how to look at the nearest, at the immediate, at the closest. So do small things as if they are devotion....

[An indian sannyasin, here on visit from kenya, said that she was concerned about what she felt was her overprotective attitude to her eighteen-year-old son. He also felt he was overprotected and that he was not allowed to do those things that other boys of his age were doing. She added that he had fits occasionally, but apart from that, there were no other problems.]

It will be good if you send him here because I will have to talk to him. The problem is that if you feel your overprotection and too much love has damaged him, now this too much caring about him is again part of your being too protecting. Now you want to protect him from damage. And if protection has damaged him, then this again is the same game. So I have to understand him and what exactly his problem is; whether there is really any problem or it is just your overprotection which still thinks there is a problem.

Overprotection always creates a problem, but underprotection also creates a problem. And there is no way to know which is the balance between the two; there is no way. If you underprotect, he will be angry and say, ’Why didn’t you prevent me from doing those things which were not good to do?’

This is an eternal problem. It has nothing to do with you. If parents protect too much, one day or other the children are going to say that you repressed them, you didn’t allow them things which others were doing. They have a grudge, and parents feel very miserable because they always wanted to help them, and now this has happened. Now what to do? If parents are underprotective the children feel they are not cared about, that nobody bothers about where they are going, what they are doing; nobody cares about them.

And both have been tried. It has almost become a fashion in world history that one age tries one thing and then there are problems, so the next generation tries another thing, and then there are problems. This way the swing goes on moving from right to left, from left to right. Too much protection creates repression. Underprotection allows a vulnerable child to move into a world which is ugly and where a thousand and one things are happening which are easy to learn and will be very difficult to unlearn.

So parents have been eternally in trouble about what to do. Whatsoever they do turns out wrong, and it is very difficult to find a balance, because how to draw the boundary line? The problem becomes more complicated because one boundary line for one child may be the balance, and the same boundary line for another child may not be the balance because each child is so different from another; each child is so individual.

So don’t feel guilty. There is no need to feel guilty about it. The problem is bound to come; you cannot avoid it. You can avoid being a parent (a little chuckle), but you cannot avoid the problems that arise out of being a parent. It is part of a responsibility, a great responsibility. So the only thing possible now that you are alert, is to first send him. And send him alone – that will be good; don’t come with him.

If repression is the question, it is not very difficult; you can release it. In fact if indulgence is the question, it is more difficult to undo it. Repression simply means that energy is there, throbbing, and has lost direction, so how to bring it out? It is very easy. Energy is there. It is just that we have to remove the lid and the vapours can be released.

A greater problem arises when a child becomes indulgent. He may learn drinking, he may learn smoking, he may learn some perverted sexuality, and then it is very difficult to bring him back, because now it is a question of unlearning. It is not only a question of energy being released. So you should be happy that you have not made this mistake. And only two mistakes are possible, so you have done the lesser evil.

There is nothing to be worried about, but educated parents become very worried – and particularly in this age when freud and freudians all over the world have taught that the parents are the culprits.

So people are reading this, and the whole climate is against parents. They start feeling, ’Something must be wrong with us, with what we have done. Now what to do?’ But you are still thinking in terms of what to do. But you will be the doer – and that is the problem.

So I will see him and then I will decide what to do. It may simply be that you need not do anything.

Simply leave him as he is. Sometimes non-doing does many things which doing cannot do. Simply say to him, ’Now you are of age, we are finished. Whatsoever we could do, good or bad, we did.

There was no other way. Now you are free to do whatsoever you like.’

[The sannyasin answers: A fortnight before I came here that is exactly what we told him. He’s been much happier.]

That’s better... because if you start doing something to undo what you have done, again you will be doing something. After a few years, again he will say that you have done this to him. It is something in the human mind that if he himself goes to hell, it is good because he has chosen it on his own accord. If you force him into heaven he will never be happy about it, because somebody forced him.

Happiness cannot be forced. A forced happiness becomes unhappiness. A chosen unhappiness becomes happiness. So just tell him that now he is eighteen he is to move on his own. And don’t keep spying on him. It is difficult, I understand; it is very difficult. Parents love their children, that’s why it is difficult. You care about him so you will be worried about what he is doing, but allow him.

In this world nothing wrong can be done. At the most one can waste one’s energy and life, that’s all.

You may not be able to do good, that’s possible, but nothing wrong can be done. So become less afraid about that and let him do his thing. Within six months he will be fed up with whatsoever he wants to do. And whenever it is possible, send him and let me see what can be done.

[A sannyasin therapist who is leaving said he had a very strong drive which was driving him to go back and do certain things.]

Go, and go without any reluctance. Go happily. Go totally.

And I can understand. There are things which drive a man and which are below your understanding, deeper than your understanding, underneath your understanding. They come from sources which you have not become aware of within yourself. So trust them. If you start fighting with them, your superficial layer will be fighting your deeper layer, and that creates tremendous anxiety.

Whenever it is a question between the deeper layer and the superficial layer, let the superficial layer surrender to the deeper. And the deeper can never be within your grasp. You cannot hold it in your hand. It is bigger than you. Only by moving in the direction in which it is pointing will you come to know it and understand it.

So simply go. The only thing to remember is to go totally. Don’t think in your mind about what you are doing, and whether it is right or wrong. Drop that conflict. Whatsoever you feel an urge to do, do it. And the urge is not destructive, it is pure, so there is no problem. The urge is not immoral, it is moral, so there is no problem. The urge is religious, and you will be able to know from where that urge is coming only by fulfilling it.

Trusting your own unconscious will give you tremendous self-confidence. You will become more rooted, grounded, and your unconscious will be sending messages to you more and more. Those are the messages of your destiny. Avoiding them, you will always be in misery. Fulfilling them, you will become more and more happy.

Happiness is nothing but to do that which you are destined to do – and your unconscious knows what you are destined to do. It goes on helping you, giving you hints and messages in your dreams, in your fantasies: ’Go this way, do this.’ But your reason has become too dominating and it doesn’t listen. It says, ’Unless something is rational and unless I understand it, I’m not going to just float with this unknown source. Who knows what it is? Who knows from where it comes? Who knows whether it is good or bad, from god or devil?’ Reason goes on trying to control it and hence a conflict arises. And reason is most superficial.

So whenever you see that some deep urge is knocking at your doors, listen to it. One should befriend the unconscious. One should come to friendly terms with the unconscious. Watch your dreams, watch your desires, and go deeper into your dreams and into your desires. Find out deeper layers and you will be coming closer to your being.

Simply go – and with no hitch, no hesitation, because if you go with hesitation, then by the time you are back in the states, you will start thinking of poona. You will start thinking of me and your mind will start confusing you saying, ’What have you done? You have come here. What is the point? You should have been there.’

I will call you. Your unconscious on its own accord will start giving you hints as to when you need to be here. Just leave yourself in your unconscious hands. Just listen to the intuitive part of your being and not the intellectual part. Listen to the feminine part, not the aggressive part. That’s what we mean when we say to listen to the heart and not to the mind.

Once you start befriending it you will be tremendously benefited, because it will show you each moment, each move. And it is always right because it only considers your deepest desires, it only considers your destiny. It has no other considerations. Reason has a thousand and one considerations.

You fall in love with a woman.... The unconscious has no other consideration except one – that somehow the woman fits with you, somehow she complements you, somehow she makes you whole; that’s the only consideration. But for the mind there are a thousand and one considerations: whether she is rich, whether it is economically good, whether she belongs to a good family, whether it will be politically good, whether she is white or black, christian or hindu... a thousand and one considerations.

The unconscious has only one consideration and that is whether she fits with you or not. If she fits with you. she may be a mohammedan, a christian, a hindu; it doesn’t make any difference. She may be rich or poor; it doesn’t make any difference. Educated. uneducated – it doesn’t make any difference. Reason has all the considerations. This is something to be understood – that reason never considers the basic thing, the most essential. and it considers all non-essential things.

Seeing into your unconscious, I feel it is good that you go, but go totally.

[The sannyasin then asks: Can you tell me a little bit about my work – what I should be doing back there? I don’t even know where I am going. I’m just going.]

Simply go there. For a few days don’t decide anything. Meet friends and see what can be done.

Don’t carry a plan in your mind. That never helps to solve anything and it creates many complexities.

Because when you have a plan, you try to fit everything with your plan – which is not going to help you. Rather, go and see the situation, and let the plan arise out of that situation.

Talk about me, take the tapes, talk about the work that is going on here, and feel what you can do... and things will start happening. They always happen – and when you don’t have a plan, they happen easily because you don’t have something to fix; your plan is flexible.

Have you heard about procrustes’ bed? It is a greek myth. This man, procrustes, was very rich and he had a very great palace in the hills, in a lonely spot... very beautiful. Travellers sometimes would pass and would be enchanted. He would invite them in and they would be happy to stay.

But there was a problem. He had a bed, and any guest that would come, had to sleep on that bed.

Procrustes had an obsession that the guest had to fit with the bed. So if the guest were smaller than the bed, he had men pull, stretch the guest to the size of the bed – and the guest would die. Or if the guest were bigger than the bed, he would cut the legs or head off so the guest would fit the bed. It was almost rare that somebody would fit the bed and would come out of his palace alive. Otherwise guests would simply go in and never come out again.

Many people do the same with life. They have a certain plan and they try to fit life with it. It never fits.

Simply see a situation and then let the plan arise out of it. You have to do my work. That’s a general idea, not a plan – just a general directive to start some centre there for meditation, for therapies, to help my work, to help many people. There are millions of people who will not be able to come here

– and I am not going anywhere, so my sannyasins have to go. Just help people to meditate, and if you help them, there is a possibility that some day they may be able to come here.

Once they start meditating they are bound to come here one day or other. They will find their own way. You have just to initiate it, just give them a little taste of what meditation is. This is a general directive. The plan has to arise there if you go – and I feel it is good that you go. But still, you have to feel your own unconscious and do whatsoever it says.

[Another sannyasin says: I was wondering if you could give me some hints about life in the university and with the family because I’m going back sometime next week.]

It will be different – and it will be very good. It will give you new insight. Many things happen when you go back, because here you live in a different milieu. You will be going alone, the milieu will be left behind and you will enter into a totally different world, a different atmosphere. That will make you more sharp, centred. It will be a challenge, and you will have to respond more consciously.

People will be arguing with you. They will think you are mad or something. People will think you have betrayed your religion, your country or something. You will have to be very very patient to understand what they are saying and to help them to understand what you are, where you are. And these things bring everything into focus.

[The sannyasin asks for a particular meditation technique. He likes the kundalini and nadabrahma.]

So then continue the kundalini and the nadabrahma, and one small meditation that you can start doing in the night before you go to sleep.

[Osho described the meditation technique he had given to few evenings ago (see august 12th), but added to it another stage. After five minutes of saying ’ah!’ then a further five minutes of saying

’aha!’, bhagwan said to add a further five minutes of ’ahoo!’, saying ... ]

The english language is acquainted with the two – ’ah!’ and ’aha!’ ’Ahoo’ is not part of the english language, but that is the third step in the same series of sounds. It is a state of gratitude, of thanksgiving. ’Ah’ creates silence, ’Aha!’ creates joy, and ’Ahoo’ starts giving thanks and expressing gratitude.

[Osho also said it would be helpful to burn incense through the meditation ... ]

Use the same incense every night. That enters into your bio-memory and it starts triggering things.

So just burn the same incense every night, and never bum that incense at other times, otherwise you will lose track. Let it be associated only with this meditation.

[A visitor said that she had done primal therapy in the west for the past two years and was unsure as to whether to continue it or not. Osho said two years was long enough ... ]

... In fact in the west they try to make every process too long, because every process has become a profession, so the longer it is delayed, the more profitable it is to the therapist. So psychoanalysis can go on for five, ten years, or even twenty years. One can go on and on.

By and by the patient becomes addicted. He forgets his own problems; therapy becomes his problem. Now it becomes an addiction. Nothing may be happening through it, but the person cannot live without the therapist and without the therapy. A dependence arises, because the whole western thinking is economically based and everything becomes a business. There is no need. It has put you on the right track. Now you can work on your own. And sooner or later everybody has to work on his own. Any sort of dependence is dangerous.

Do a few meditations here, but even if one suits, that’s enough. There is no need for many meditations. One has to find the right technique that fits you, goes with you. And the right technique is that which makes you joyful, makes you more energetic, refreshes you, rejuvenates you. You feel more alive, more celebrating... a sudden joy overflowing, for no reason at all. Then the technique is fitting you and there will be no hard work with it; it will be almost effortless. And when things are effortless, they are beautiful. Effort makes things ugly. Any strain makes things ugly.

So the only technique that is going to help a person is a technique which he can do without any effort and without any strain, the technique which he can play around with. It is not like work; it is just like play. So work on all these five (meditations that happen during the camp).

CHAPTER 19

15 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Deva means divine and ayama means dimension, the divine dimension. And that is the goal. One has to move into the divine dimension by and by. So become less and less interested in things.

Become more interested in persons. Even while relating with things, relate to them as if you are relating with persons. Even if you take a book in your hand, take it with such respect that the book is no more a thing. You confer a personality on it. You eat food.... Eat with such reverence that food is not just food; it becomes a sacrament. Even the shoes should be used with tremendous respect. By and by you will be able to see even about things, that they are not just things. They are also people.

And just the contrary is happening in the world.

People are treating people as things. A husband tends to treat his wife as a thing, something to be used. The wife goes on treating the husband as a thing. This I call the materialist dimension – when you treat a person as a thing. When you start treating even things as persons, the dimension of the divine opens its door for you.

The dimension of the divine is nothing but a capacity to feel the presence of god everywhere, howsoever hidden. In a rock he may be fast asleep, but he is there. In a man he has come a little of age, has become more alert. In a buddha or a jesus he is totally alert, fully awake. But between a buddha and a rock there is a bridge. The rock can become a buddha one day. And one day buddha was also a rock.

Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past – and that is the bridge. So I give you this name, deva ayama, so you can start figuring out how to change from the materialist dimension towards the divine dimension. It is just a shift of consciousness. One need not escape from the world. But one needs to look into things so deeply that everything attains to a centre and becomes a shore.

So this is going to be your path. Treat every person with tremendous respect – even your child, because he too is god’s only begotten son. He is also a manifestation of the divine. In a thousand and one forms the same energy is manifested.

And when you start looking into others and you drop the materialist illusion about people and things, you will become capable of looking inwards more and more. Whatsoever you do to others, you will do to yourself. If you have a deep respect for people’s souls, your own soul will come.

Prem means love and nadam means the subtlest sound; the sound of love. It is the most subtle sound. You can hear it only when you are very very receptive. The ears won’t be of much help.

Unless your heart listens to it, you cannot listen. It is continuously present. The whole life is nothing but a vibrating love energy – Call it god, but basically it is a vibration of love energy.

You cannot find a man who is not, deep down, in need of love and who is not, deep down, in need of being needed for love. One may not be capable, but the desire exists. One may fail, but the urge exists. Love seems to be the most common phenomenon. The man may be foolish or wise, beautiful or ugly, black or white, a criminal or a saint, poor or rich, a beggar or an emperor – it makes no difference. Love seems to be the most characteristic quality of human beings.

We are created out of love, and our climax is going to be only through love. And this is not true only of human beings – it is true about the whole existence. First you have to understand human beings... their tremendous need of love, their tremendous urge to love. Then by and by you see the stars and the trees and the rocks – they are all vibrating with love.

Physicists say that it is electricity that is the substratum of reality. Religious people say it is love.

Electricity may be just a phenomenon of love energy. So this you have to seek and search for, and you have to vibrate with love. You have to become receptive to the love sound that is continuously happening all around.

Every bird that sings is singing for love. Every flower that opens is opening for love, and every eye is in search of love. Every heart beats for love. Love is the very meaning of life. If there is no love, life becomes meaningless.

When people start asking, ’What is the meaning of life?’ that simply shows that they have not been able to find their love; hence the meaning is missing. Now there is no way to find it. If you cannot find it in love, then there is no other place to find it. Then you can go on searching, but it is in vain.

So feel more loving. Love people and allow others to love you. Don’t create barriers. Whenever love knocks at your door, remember it is god who has knocked. Reject love and you have rejected god.

Welcome love and you have welcomed god.

God comes as love, flowers as love.

Deva means divine and yama means night; divine night. And night is going to help you tremendously

– that’s why I give you the name. Whatsoever is going to happen to you, will happen in the night. In the night you will feel more and more harmonious. So you have to be alert about it. Day is not your time – good, but not your time. Your time is the night.

So use the night more and more. Just be alone, sit silently, look into the darkness. Become one with the dark, disappear into it. Look at the stars – feel the distance, the silence, the emptiness, and use night for your meditation. Just sitting in the bed doing nothing... just feeling. Many people are completely unaware of the beauties of the night... and night is tremendously beautiful. It is the right time for meditation.

In yoga psychology we divide human consciousness into four stages. First we call the waking state of consciousness, the day consciousness. You work, and you appear a little alert. And the second we call the dream consciousness. You are asleep, but dreams are running like a procession. The whole mind is in a traffic jam. Then the third state we call sleep, when dreams have stopped. And the fourth, we simply call the fourth, but it is closest to sleep. It is just like sleep with only one difference, and that is that one is alert in it; that’s the only difference. It is as silent, as deep as sleep, with just one plus – that one is alert. In sleep you are completely unconscious. In samadhi, the fourth state, you are absolutely silent, yet aware.

So night in the past has been used for meditation, for prayer. The day is too worldly – the night is very spiritual. So remember that, and start using the night more and more. By and by you will feel so tremendously in tune with night.... By and by the whole world goes to sleep. Everything stops; traffic stops, noises stop... the mundane world is over. People – their in consciousnesses, their criminal attitudes – have all disappeared into sleep. The atmosphere is absolutely clean... no jarring note.

The middle of the night is exactly the best time for meditation – for you at least. So just start enjoying the beauty of the night and feel more and more for the night. Wait hopefully every day – the night is coming. So become an owl, mm?

Do you have something to say?

[The new sannyasin said she had been married for ten years and could return to her husband, but on the other hand she felt she had started living a new life in the time she had been in india and wondered if going back to him would be a regressive step. She felt she used him for security, and felt the main thing that divided them was a different attitude about love. She felt he didn’t love her, and up to recently felt negatively about his lover.

Osho asked if she was financially dependent or in need of her husband’s financial support, to which she replied that she was not and could manage alone.]

Then I don’t think that you should go back – no need. Never decide for security, otherwise you will always decide wrongly. Always decide for love, never for security, because security is just out of fear, and one cannot live only because one is secure. Then one feels life has no meaning. One cannot live by security alone. That’s the meaning of ’One cannot live by bread alone.’

You need something more, something more ecstatic, to live. Security is too mundane – and many people decide for security. When you decide for security, you are deciding out of fear, and when you decide out of fear, you enhance fear, you feed fear. How can you be happy with fear? It is impossible. It is impossible to be happy with fear. It is impossible to be happy only with security. a person can be happy in a tremendous insecurity if there is love. who cares about security if there is love?

You have lived with this man for ten years and then you decided to leave. Now after two years, to go back is certainly a regression. So I think it is better that you decide not to move in the old pattern. First become so independent and so fully yourself that you are happy alone. Then only you can be happy with somebody else, never before. If you are unhappy alone, you will be unhappy

– more unhappy than before – with somebody, because the presence of the other only enhances that which you already have, nothing more. It cannot give something new. It simply brings into focus whatsoever you have, so two unhappy persons meet, hoping that this togetherness will give them something. It gives more unhappiness; the unhappiness is multiplied. they reflect each other’s unhappiness and it becomes too much. That’s what is driving the whole world crazy.

As I see it, you should simply decide to be yourself. I am not saying that the doors are closed, but decide to be yourself and if sometimes this man comes, never start the old life again – not in a continuity. There is a possibility that he has changed; there is a possibility that you have changed.

Your being together may not be an unhappy affair as it was before. Man is unpredictable. But that has to be restarted. Do you follow me? It should not be a continuity with the past.

And you are a new woman now. If he falls in love, he will be falling in love with one of my sannyasins.

But close it. It is always good to dose accounts with the past and again start afresh. And he may have started understanding more. You have changed; you may start understanding more. In fact it is almost always so. People start understanding by the time they are too old to fall in love again.

George bernard shaw used to say, ’God cannot be very wise because he goes on wasting youth on young people.’ Youth should be given to old people when they have become understanding and they know what love is, and they know how they have destroyed their own love... when they know how to live with another person; they know how to be harmonious and not to create a discord. But by the time a person comes to know, life is gone.

But you are still full of energy so there is no need to think in terms of security, no need. So simply tell him that you would like to be free. And when you go back, meet him, but meet him as you meet anybody else. Maybe it is going to start again, but if it does, it starts from abc – or if it is not going to start, good. The world is so full of so many beautiful people, why be worried? You can fall in love with somebody else.

One should never betray love. One should always remain capable of love – that’s the only thing.

With whom it happens is accidental. If you are in india, you eat the indian food. If you are in china, you eat the chinese food. But hunger is essential. Food is accidental – love is essential. Love is like hunger.

So keep deep trust in your love and remain insecure. Insecurity has its own wisdom. A person who is insecure is always more alive, more full of zest, because he has to face life every moment. The challenge is there every moment and he has to face that challenge. A secure person becomes dull.

He has no need to face any moment. He has arranged for everything. He has arranged for the future also. He can live a dull life and he can die a dull death. That’s what security is. It is a convenient way to live and a convenient way to die.

But life never happens to these people who are too much obsessed with convenience. Life only happens to those who are ready to live dangerously.

So if you ask me, my suggestion is – live dangerously. If you were asking for my support, you have asked the wrong man. Live dangerously. I’m not against your husband, but this is the only way you may be able to help him also.

If you go into the old pattern again, you may drag him into it again too. Why move into the same misery? You have tasted it enough. Ten years is too much – almost a lifetime. There is no need.

Simply write to him very happily and very lovingly that you have changed a lot, and something tremendously valuable is happening to you; you are no more the same. Send a picture with orange clothes and invite him to come also – to come and be here and meditate and see, because something might happen to him too. But don’t go back. Be friendly towards him, but don’t become a wife again.

First close it completely and then if something happens.... I have the feeling that something is possible, but only when you have closed the chapter completely. Be again a schoolgirl and fall in love!

Anand means bliss and dheeresh means wisdom, mm? – bliss and wisdom. And remember that knowledge is not wisdom. Knowledge is a Pseudo substitute for wisdom. Wisdom is that which comes out of your own experience. Knowledge is borrowed. Knowledge is from others, from tradition from scriptures.

Wisdom is just out of your own being. It is your own flowering. And unless something is yours, it is worthless. If something is not yours, drop it; don’t carry it. It is simply a weight and a burden. The sooner you get rid of it, the better, because if you carry it, you will not have any space for wisdom to happen. So never become addicted to knowledge. It is cheap, and it looks like wisdom, but it is a counterfeit coin.

You can read the bible and you can just repeat the same things that jesus said. You can say them exactly the way he said them, but they are not your blooming. They simply appear wise – they are not. Deep down you remain the same. They don’t make you jesus.

In fact you cannot understand what jesus is saying unless you become a jesus; there is no other way. Just by becoming christian, nobody can understand christ. To understand christ, one needs to become a christ. Being a christian won’t do. The same is the difference between knowledge and wisdom, as it is between a christian and christ. Christ means wisdom. A christian means knowledge.

So remember it and go on discarding. Don’t make your being a junkyard. Whatsoever you know, only that is what you know. Everything else is borrowed. And if you can become wise the way I am saying, you can become blissful.

You can go and see the learned men – the great scholars in the universities, the pundits – and you will see that they are as miserable as anybody else. They talk about the sky – and they crawl on the earth. They have not even looked at the sky. They have heard about it, they have read about it.

They have not even taken the trouble to look up. The sky has always been there – as it has been on jesus, as it has been on buddha – but they have not taken the trouble to look. They have been reading about the sky in the scriptures. Their eyes are focused elsewhere.

So one can become tremendously efficient in knowledge, and will remain miserable. A little wisdom is better than great knowledge, because even with a little drop of wisdom, you will feel tremendously filled with bliss... ecstatic, elated. You will feel euphoric.

Do you have something to say?

[The sannyasin: Well, from what you’ve said, should I finish being a student?]

No, you can remain a student. Never become a learned man. A student you can be.

... Study – but don’t become a pundit!

[A sannyasin, said that after his last darshan he became aware of a kind of energy, of black feelings, and he described himself as feeling like a ’skinny devil’.]

Nothing to be worried about. There are many shadows lurking in the unconscious. Sometimes they confront you. They are nothing like devils, but just your own rejected parts that you have never cared about, denied expression, that you have never accepted as your parts. Sometimes they assert themselves. In some relaxed moments they come out of that imprisoned state, and because you have rejected them, they look too big. You don’t want to accept them so you condemn; you say a

’skinny devil’. It is you! There is no devil.

So whenever it happens again, please try to absorb it. Invite the skinny devil to come. Embrace him and go to sleep with him. Just tell him, ’I accept you. It is good that you have come home. I was waiting for you. Now be one with me.’ And you will be tremendously surprised. You will feel that a certain gap in your life has disappeared, a hole has disappeared. You will feel richer.

When you can absorb your devils within you, you will become very very rich, and your life will have more aspects to it. Otherwise people are monotonous. A saint is monotonous, a sinner also, but when there is a perfect man, he is both. He is as much god as devil. He is as much day as night.

He accepts everything. He is a complete circle of yin and yang. Nothing is rejected. Then one has tremendous grandeur.

So learn this. When you meditate more and more, many times your rejected parts will bubble. up, because you will be more relaxed now. The weight will be removed and they will come up. So don’t go on denying them and don’t be worried about them. Accept them, welcome them home. And you will see immediately that the moment the devil part is absorbed, you will feel more fulfilled, more alive, more vital, and you will see that something that was missing has been found. These are your pages, missing pages of your bible. They all have to be brought back.

It has been a good experience. It will be happening more and more, so don’t be worried.

[A fourteen-year-old boy, who had previously refused to leave the house in which he and his mother were staying, said: I feel I hide my feelings behind my mind, behind reasons.]

Why do you do it? You don’t know?... Because if you hide your feelings, you will miss many things in life, because feeling constitutes ninety-five percent of life. You will live a very poor life. Thoughts are poor – feelings are very rich. All that is beautiful comes through feelings. All that relates you to people comes through feelings. All roses bloom through feelings. Thoughts are dead; a computer can think. For that, soren is not needed. A mechanical thing can do that.

A computer cannot feel; a computer can think. Mm? Just see it. That means thinking is mechanical; feeling is not. Sooner or later thinking will be taken over by computers. They can think better than you, better than anybody else. They think very fast, and they never commit mistakes because they don’t have any mind to commit mistakes. They are simply machines. But they will never be able to feel.

Feeling makes man a man – thinking reduces you to a computer. So come out of that... and nobody is going to bring you out of it. You will have to come out of it – it is your thing – otherwise you will miss your life. It is nobody else’s loss; it is not [your mother’s problem. You have to decide.

But somehow, somewhere in your life, you must have become afraid of feelings, hence you go on suppressing them. Somehow you have become addicted to your thoughts and you think thoughts are more important, and things like feelings are a little feminine. Somehow you identify your ego with your thoughts.

Meditate here. You will come out of it; there is nothing to worry about. I have got so many mad people here – they can help you (laughter). If you just cooperate, they can bring you out of it. You need a little madness, that’s all.

[Osho suggested he try a group.... ]

... and that will be very helpful, because the whole training of tathata is to bring your feelings out. And when twenty persons are bringing their feelings out, one simply looks foolish if one is not bringing out one’s feelings. When one starts moving with people and seeing that people are enjoying themselves so much, then why stand aside? Take a jump!

And it is not only a question of being acquainted. Once you start moving into your feelings, you will be so happy. But the taste is needed. You have not tasted feelings at all. You have lived in your head – thinking, thinking, thinking. And after tathata I will see if some other group is needed.

And you are such a beautiful person – it will go. Nothing to be worried about, mm? Good!

[A visitor says: I have spent a great deal of my time with some movements – one is esperanto, and another to do with ecology. I think they are very important for the world at the moment.]

They are good, the work is good and you can continue, but don’t get involved so much that you lose your own growth. These things are important, but not more important than you.

Ecology is very good. Work for it, but look for the inner ecology also. Because as I see it, the outer ecology is being destroyed because the inner ecology has been destroyed. It is just an outcome.

When man is no more whole inside – divided, in conflict, like a fighting mob, in a crowd – that man creates disturbance in nature also. And these are related.

When nature is destroyed and the natural systems are destroyed, then man is more destroyed. Then again nature goes on affecting man and man goes on affecting nature. It is vicious circle. But as I see it, the basic problem is somewhere inside man. If you are relaxed inside, if you have come to a settlement with your own nature, then you will be able to understand the natural functioning of the world, and you will not create any problem. You will not create any gap in it. You will see that everything is interconnected and nothing can be.... But the basic problem is inside man.

Continue your work – it is very important work, but one should never lose one’s own inner work, that’s all. Otherwise it is dangerous. It may happen, it may not happen, and there is more possibility that these mad politicians are not going to listen to anybody. Things have gone too far, and it seems that only a great catastrophe will stop it. Not that I am pessimistic, but just the actuality is such. The whole world is ruled by fanatic, violent people. And it has always been ruled by them, because a peace-loving person does not bother to rule anybody. He has no political ambitions. So all ambitious people are mad and insane, and they are always in key positions. They don’t understand anything...

they understand only their ego.

When nixon was going to drop out of his presidential chair, the thought occurred to him that he could destroy the whole world. Now reports have come that for three nights he continuously pondered over it – should he resign or should he start a third world war? He could have done that. Rather than getting down from his chair, he could have dragged the whole world into a third world war, into total destruction. It was possible. It is a miracle that he decided to resign. But all mad people will not be so sensible. He proved sensible in a way.

So go on working, doing whatsoever you can do, but never hope too much. Hope for the best and expect the worst. And meanwhile, go on working on yourself.

And esperanto is also beautiful work, but that too is almost hopeless. But work – it is good work, and man needs one language. So many problems simply arise because of language. Out of a hundred conflicts, ninety-nine can drop if one world language exists, because these problems are of communication. If people cannot communicate, then they fight. They have only one way to prove who is wrong and who is right – and that is war.

One day or other, humanity is going to learn. But I don’t think that moment has come yet. But go on working because that comes only that way. As I feel, some day or other, if some planet starts a war with this world, then esperanto will win, not before it. People will immediately start learning one language, because then they will have to fight. People have done things only when war was there. All these beautiful big roads, highways, super-highways, were made for war – not for people to travel on, not for lovers to meet and friends to meet together. No, they were created for militaries, armies to pass. All that you see in the world has been more or less created for war. Other uses come later on, but the first use is war. The atom was created for war; now we think how to use it in a peaceful way. Esperanto will come into this world only when we are in conflict with some planet, and the whole planet has to be together, otherwise not.

But go on working. The work is good and beautiful and religious. But don’t forget yourself.

In sanskrit, hansa means the swan, and parmahansa means the great swan. There are two species of swan – the ordinary swan which is found all over the world, and the great swan which is found only in a far away lake in the himalayas, mansarovar... and that is the great swan, the whitest, the purest.

In india that is a symbolic name for somebody who is moving towards purity... to the highest peak of the himalayas, and to the purest waters of that innermost lake. In indian poetry, hansa is a mythological symbol. In indian poetry they say that hansa has the capacity – if you put milk and water together and give it to the hansa – to drink the milk and leave the water. It is just symbolic, but very beautiful. It simply says that a hansa has the capacity to discriminate between what is essential and what is non-essential.

And parmahansa means one who has come to that great discrimination between what is useless and what is useful, what is real and what is unreal.

And ramakrishna you must know. He is the master of vivekananda – one of the greatest men ever born. In those days he was one of the most illumined beings. And rama is one of the names of a hindu avatara, and krishna is the name of another.

So ramakrishna is just a combination of both, because ramakrishna tried to find truth from so many ways, from this path and that. And he always arrived at the same truth. He tried from rama, he tried from krishna. He tried even from jesus, from mohammed. He was doing pioneer work. Nobody has ever tried it before, because once you have reached, who bothers whether other paths lead to the same place or not?

And reaching, he tried to follow other paths still to see whether they also lead to the same, and he came to the same conclusion again and again.

[A visitor said she found the meditations wonderful, but since her father taught her to listen to christ she did not wish to take sannyas. She says she is with Osho in her heart, to the extent of her own limits.]

Then wait. Soon you will go beyond your limits, mm? And if you really understand jesus, you will understand me immediately. And if you cannot see divine wisdom in me, you cannot see it in jesus either, because it is a question of vision.

It is not a question of where you can see and where you cannot see it. If you can see, you will see it in buddha and jesus and in mohammed. And sometimes you will be able to see it in a small child, because the human and the divine are not divided.

The human is divine.

[She answers: I agree, but to put something on a pedestal makes it out of my reach and out of my possibilities.]

You just wait. I will make your possibilities bigger. Just wait. One has to go beyond the limits – only then one grows. If you remain within your limits, you will never grow. One has to grow beyond one’s limits a little by and by. One has to adventure a little beyond one’s possibilities. One has to move into the unknown, the unfamiliar. Remain close to your boundary but go a little beyond. But if you remain confined to the boundary, you cannot grow.

But wait... it is coming. It will come.

[A visitor says: Since I’m here I’ve been in a conflict about taking sannyas.]

So don’t take it! Why be in a conflict? Don’t take it. When you can take it without conflict, then take it. If you cannot taken, then forget about it

... The conflict can be stopped only in two ways: either take it or decide not to take it – both are good

– or remain in conflict! (laughter)

Everybody comes into that conflict; it is natural. A few people linger in it a little longer and finally everybody decides to take it, because that is the only way to get out of it (laughter). What to do?

[She answers: I want to be accepted and loved though I am not a sannyasin.]

You are accepted. As far as I am concerned, you are accepted, but if you are not a sannyasin, it will be difficult for you to receive my love.

[Osho went on to say that sannyas made for a kind of bridge, a link, between him and the disciple.

In the discourse the following morning he referred to this conversation.]

... Being here with me is an act of love. I have nothing else to give you except my love. I have nothing else to share with you except my love. While you are here with me... you will feel that you have been with me and that you have not been with me. Both are true, and both are true together.

That’s the paradox of love. The more you have been with me, the more you will feel that you have not been with me. The less you have been with me, the more you will feel that you have been with me.

If you are here for a longer period – and the period is not as important as the depth of the relationship.... That is the meaning of sannyas – it is a plunge into a deeper intimacy, into a deeper commitment.

Just the other night a woman was asking, ’If I don’t take sannyas, will you accept me?’ I told her,

’Yes, I accept you – whether you take sannyas or not is irrelevant – but you will not be able to accept me if you don’t take sannyas.’

If you are able to accept me, then sannyas is just a gesture of your acceptance, nothing else. It is just a gesture that you are coming with me, that you are ready to be with me... that even if I am going to hell you are coming with me; you would rather be in hell with me than in heaven alone, that’s all.

I am not promising you that I will take you to heaven; nothing of the sort. Nobody should be hoping that. I am not promising you anything of the sort. Maybe I am going to hell....(laughter) A sannyasin is one who has trusted me; who says, ’Okay, sol am coming with you.’ Then something starts transpiring between me and you. It is not only changing your clothes, it is not only changing your name. It is simply dropping your whole past and starting from abc.

That’s why I give you a new name – just to give you a new start, as if you are born again.

CHAPTER 20

16 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Anand means bliss or blissful, and sugatta is a name of buddha. Literally it means well gone, because in india we call those people well-gone who are not going to come back again, who are gone forever. They have gone so well that they will not be returning. It is a beautiful term, very significant.

In the east the world is taken as a place of learning. One has to experience the truth of life. Unless you experience it, you are thrown back again and again into the world. It is just as if somebody studies in the university and goes on failing so he has to come back again and again to the same class. Once you have passed, you don’t return to the university. The world is taken as a school, as a training, as a discipline for something beyond. Once you have learned the art of how to be, there is no need for you to come back. A person who has gone in such a way that he will not be coming back, is called sugatta; well-gone, gone forever.

So become a sugatta. Experience life as deeply, as totally as possible. Never be afraid of any experience, because fear is the only cause which delays. If you don’t experience something, then somewhere deep down inside, you will continue to cling to it. Unless you experience it totally, you cannot be finished with it. So whatsoever it is, go into it as deeply as possible, so if there is something in it, you learn it. If there is nothing in it, you learn that there is nothing in it.

But either way you are benefited. Don’t go into any experience unaware, because if you go unaware, you will go again and again, and you will not learn anything. It is as if somebody goes into the university drunk. Many things will go on happening, but he is drunk and he cannot understand what is happening. He comes back, again misses. He comes back, and again misses. So don’t be drunk. This drunkenness comes by attachment. Drunkenness comes by ego. Drunkenness comes by greed, ambition, but the root cause is always unawareness. So become more aware and experience whatsoever life makes available. Don’t say no. Say yes and go into it.

If it has something, it will deliver. If it has nothing to give you, you will come out of it completely freed

– at least from that dimension. Now it will not have any attraction for you; it is finished. By and by, in this way, one goes on finishing in every direction of life. Then one day suddenly, this whole life is simply known as futile, just a vicious circle leading nowhere; one goes on in circles.

In the east we call the world the wheel. It is like a wheel; the spokes go on changing, one goes up, another comes down. If you look at the spokes, you may think that something is changing, but if you look at the whole wheel, you know that nothing is changing. It is the same wheel going round and round and round.

Become aware so that you can see the whole wheel of life going round and round and round –

the same anger, the same greed, the same sex, the same conflict. One goes on repeating it. I’m not saying don’t go into it. I’m saying if you have to go, you have to go – but go alert. If there is something, then go strongly into it. If there is nothing, then be still....

Prem means love and pramod means joy; joy that comes out of love. That’s the only joy there is.

Whenever you love, you are joyful. Whenever you cannot love, you cannot be joyful. Joy is a function of love, a shadow of love... it follows love.

So become more and more loving, and you will become more and more joyful. And don’t be bothered about whether your love is returned or not; that is not the point at all. Joy fOllows love automatically, whether it is returned or not, whether the other is responsive or not. If you are loving, you are joyful, and that is more than enough, more than one can expect. That is the beauty of love – that its result is intrinsic, its value is intrinsic. It does not depend on the response of the other. It is totally yours.

But people are in very much confusion. They think you become joyful only when love is returned.

That’s where they miss. Their whole analysis is based on wrong presumptions and their whole life becomes a misery. Joy follows love. It has nothing to do with whether it is returned by somebody or not.

That’s why, even if there is no god, a man who prays deeply becomes joyful. There may not be any god, but that is not a necessity. The devotee loves – god is just an excuse. It triggers, that’s all. It will be difficult to love without somebody there, so you simply imagine that somebody is there in the heavens, and you become loving towards that reality that you have imagined. Joy follows; it is just a by-product of your love. It has nothing to do with the object of love. The object of love may not exist at all, Still one can be joyful. The object of love may exist and you may be joyless if you are not loving.

People are continuously asking for something in return. Their love is conditional. They say, ’Make me happy, make me joyful, then I will love you.’ Their love has a condition to it, a bargain. They are completely blind. They don’t know that by loving, joy automatically arises. It is a spontaneous by-product. So just be loving.

And it makes no difference to whom you are loving – to a dog, to a cat, to a tree, to a rock. Just sit by the side of the rock and be loving. Have a little chit-chat. Kiss the rock... Lie down on the rock.

Feel one with the rock, and suddenly you will see a shudder of energy, an upsurge of energy – and you are tremendously joyful. The rock may not have returned anything, or may have – but that is not the point. You became joyful because you loved. One who loves is joyful.

And once you know this key, you can be joyful for twenty-four hours – if you are loving for twenty-four hours, and you are no more dependent on objects of love. You become more and more independent, because you know more and more that you can love – even if there is nobody. You can love the very emptiness surrounding you. Sitting in your room alone, you fill the whole room with your love. You may be in a prison; you can transform it into a temple within a second. The moment you fill it with love, it is no more a prison. And a temple becomes a prison if there is no love.

So love is freedom, love is joy, and in the ultimate analysis, love is god. Jesus says, ’God is love.’ I say, ’Love is god.’

... you are just on the threshold, and many more inner journeys are there. This is just the beginning of the journey.

So go and come back, and if you can postpone it a little while, that will be good. If you can stay for two more weeks, you will become more settled with your new being, and you will go more centred.

Otherwise you will go in a limbo. The old is no more, the new is still being born. It will be a little difficult for you. But if it has to be so, let it be.

Everything is good. Much is going to happen – just allow me.

[Osho gives another visitor sannyas.]

Open your eyes... come here. You are ready for many things that you may not have even dreamt about. And that is your anguish – that something is ready to explode and you don’t know what it is, so you go on groping in the dark. And it is not without – it is within, so groping is not going to help.

The seeker is the sought.

We can go on searching for millions of lives, from one planet to another, from one earth to another, from one stage of life to another stage of life, but we are not going to find, because that which we are trying to find is already there inside. It has already happened... it is a given fact.

God is not an object of search. It is already a given fact. It is the very presupposition of all that is. It is the very base of all that is.

But this is how things are. Very few people are ready to explode, and those very few people who are ready to explode, don’t know. And in a way it is natural, because unless it happens, how is one supposed to know? One comes to know only when it happens.

So just help me to help you.

This will be your name: swami anand vasudeva.

Anand means bliss and vasudeva is a name of god; god of the world. The whole name will mean god of bliss. And vasudeva is one of the most beautiful names....

[Osho asked vasudeva what meditations he had done before coming here. Vasudeva said he had done some kundalini yoga and enjoyed the fire breathing that they did, which was like the breathing in the first stage of the dynamic meditation. He said he liked it, but it was hard.]

It is hard because it changes many things in the body structure; that’s why it is hard. It changes the whole pattern of your body. Once it has changed it becomes very very easy.

It is just as if you suddenly start walking. Your muscles have to be ready for it, otherwise you feel very tired. But by and by when the body adjusts to it, your muscles get the tone and the shape and the strength. Then it is a simple thing and you can walk for miles with tremendous joy. You don’t think about the body at all then. In fact if you know how to walk, you can completely forget the body.

You can almost fly... you become weightless. And the same happens with all sorts of new trainings.

And this meditation is a training on many levels. First the body level; it has to change the musculature

– particularly the breathing musculature which is the most important and which has much to do with your mind and the mind structure. Then it has to change your armour that you carry around your body – a very subtle armour, protective, defensive. And that is the hardest part because you have completely forgotten that it is there.

... It is there, but it will go. Don’t be worried.

Then the mind structure.... Much repression is there that has to be brought out. The whole mind has to be stirred from the conscious, subconscious to the very unconscious – and even beyond that.

Everything has to be stirred, thrown out and cleaned. It is a house which has not been cleaned for millennia. Much dust has gathered, and when you start cleaning it, it is arduous. But once you have cleaned it, it becomes a temple. This very body becomes a temple. This very mind becomes a vehicle for no-mind. And then there are still deeper layers which have to be changed.

So the whole pattern is going to be arduous. But it pays, it pays tremendously; the pay-off is very great. Continue it, and continue these two meditations – the dancing and the humming.

[The new sannyasin said he was a psychologist and therapist running encounter-type groups in a mental hospital and also privately.]

It is always good to help people. It is always good to work for their growth. That helps your growth, because whatsoever you are doing, you become. And the best way to learn is to teach. The patient may be helped, may not be helped, but the therapist is always helped. In fact in a better world the therapists should pay the patient, because whereas it is not necessarily that the patient should be helped, the therapist is bound to get much out of it.

[The sannyasin says he wants to see some of India.]

Mm mm, first try to see me and then go and see india.

... You may not even need to go if you can see me. Because the india that you are going to see is already dead. It used to be – it is no more that. It is just a history and a past. Reading about india you are reading some myth which used to exist but has been long long dead. Reading about buddha or buddhism or the upanishads, one starts feeling very much for india, but what one finds is something totally different

So it is good. First be here with me.. When you see something of the alive india, then you can go.

... then you can go and see the ruins.... Change to orange!

[Osho gives a sannyasin an ’energy darshan’, after which the sannyasin said he had been feeling increasingly frustrated by the unending chatter of his mind.]

No, it is going well. It just takes time. We have cultivated the habit of continuously chattering for so long that it has become autonomous. Even when you are asleep, it goes on. You go on doing other things, it goes on. It has taken on its own autonomous status. So it takes a little time, but it goes.

And there is no hurry and no need to be impatient about it. Impatience destroys many things and makes things difficult. Go slowly, hurry slowly. There is eternity available.

In the west, time consciousness has become too much of a heaviness. So people are in a hurry because time is short and there are so many things to do. Time is running out and nothing is happening. That creates a tremor, a fever, a delirium.

The eastern attitude is far more beautiful and true. It is eternity. Time is not running out – it never runs out. You can go on patiently. There is no need to ask for anything instantly. That very asking creates anxiety. It never happens – and then more anxiety. Then you become more tense and more hurried, more rushing.

Take it easy... it will go. It has happened to me – why cannot it happen to you? There is no reason why. If it can happen to one single human being, it becomes a birthright of everybody else. It has happened to many people – you cannot be that exceptional!

[He answers: It does happen to me occasionally.]

Yes, that shows that it can happen more often, and it can become a permanent state of affairs. Just go very slowly, very calm and collected and quiet. Go in grace and grandeur. Slowly, slowly, the mind disappears. And it is good that it disappears very slowly, otherwise if it suddenly disappeared it would drive you mad. You don’t know what you are asking. Even if it were possible, it wouldn’t be good. Even if it were possible for me to stop your mind right now, I would not do it, because you would be completely lost. You would lose all your moorings. You would not know who you are and where you are.

It would almost be a death, and the shock would be too much; you would be shattered. No, it has to be taken in homeopathic doses, very minor doses. By and by one has to acclimatise oneself for it.

That’s why it happens naturally, very slowly. It happens just for a split second in the beginning... just a glimpse and it is gone. It was just there and then it is not. The moment you recognise it, it is gone.

It seems to be very very shy, feminine... an old type of lady, not modern at all. The moment you look at it, it hides itself. By and by it happens more and more. Sometimes the old lady sits by your side for many minutes. Then you will understand the wisdom of why it happens so easily, so slowly and in so minute doses.

That’s the way you absorb it. Your capacity to absorb grows, and then one day suddenly, the mind is gone, suddenly evaporates. But you are not shocked. You were ready for it, you were waiting for it. The jump is not from one degree to one hundred degrees. The jump is from ninety-nine degrees to one hundred degrees. The jump is so close that it almost looks as if nothing has happened – and yet everything has happened.

Sometimes it has happened that the disciple has not realised that the mind is gone, and he keeps meditating. The master has to hit him over the head and say, ’What are you doing? It is finished.

For what are you waiting?’ – just an old habit of meditating.

[A sannyasin says she is going through strong emotional ups and downs: I’m afraid to be by myself, afraid of being split.]

The fear is absolutely baseless, because ordinarily every human being is already divided. It is useless to fear about it – it has already happened!

If you really want to be afraid, you should be afraid of becoming one – because that is what is going to happen. Unity is going to happen. You are going to become one through all the meditations.

Integration is going to happen. So you can drop that fear – it is futile; not even worth considering. It is as if a person has died and then he is afraid of death. It has already happened.

Everybody is a split personality. The whole society is schizophrenic. This earth is a big madhouse and you are one of the most important inmates! (laughter) So there is no need to be worried about it. Now the whole thing is how to become one. Put your whole energy into it. Once you put your whole energy into becoming one, it is going to happen. That is the meaning of yoga. Yoga means to become one, integrated.

And the second thing: stop the humming meditation. Don’t do it; it may not suit you. You need something vigorous, active, then your mind is working less.

So put more energy into active

meditations and use your body as much as you can. When the energy is flowing into the body, the mind doesn’t get much energy and the chattering stops.

And the third thing: if you are afraid of being alone, then love, because there is no other way. If you don’t want to be alone, only love can help, nothing else. You can be in a crowd – even that won’t help you if there is not love. You can gather many persons around you, but if there is not love you will remain alone. Non-loving is the only loneliness there is.

So first meditate and become one, and second, love and drop this loneliness. There is no need.

Create friendships, mm? Good.

[Another sannyasin says: My ego plays so many tricks on me. I don’t know where I am really.]

Don’t fight with it. Enjoy the game. Enjoy the ego game but enjoy it consciously, that’s all. Just make it aware, deliberate. When you see that the ego is playing a game, play it deliberately. Knowing well that it is ego, support it. Then it is no more your master. You have reduced it to being a servant. Do you understand me?

You are trying to fight. If you try to fight, you will become old, very very old – and you have to live long... many many days of many experiences. Don’t become old. Don’t be serious about it. Play the game – it is good.

... There is no need to fight – that is my fundamental message. No need to fight with anything, because the more you fight, the more you will become an egoist, because that fighter is the ego. So whatsoever you do, the ego will feed on it. I am saying don’t do anything. Just enjoy the game and then it will drop by itself. You will enjoy it so much that it will be reduced to ridiculousness.

So for seven days, enjoy all sorts of ego games. If you can find a few disciples, become a master (laughter). Teach them a few things. Whether you know anything or not, that is not the point. And you will always find a few foolish people who can become disciples. Tell people that bhagwan has appointed you his special ambassador. Right?

And what games have you been playing with this ego?

[The sannyasin replies: Well, I tell myself I’m being centred when I know I’m just saying, ’I’m not an egoist.’ And when I’m outgoing, I tell myself I’m flowing like a river.]

Just go on saying them. If you feel that you are outgoing and you say inside, ’I am centred,’ good.

Say, ’I’m centred,’ and if somebody even deeper inside says that you are playing games, say, ’Yes, I am playing games’ (laughter). Do you follow me? Go on saying, ’Yes, that too is right.’ Don’t say no.

The ego feeds on no. Yes kills it utterly. Yes is the very poison for the ego. So accept. That is part of life. One has to play many games with the ego. One learns much through it.

For seven days, no problems for you. Drop all problems. If somebody touches your feet, just bless him! And deliberately enjoy it.

CHAPTER 21

17 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[Someone asks: I feel that different centres have opened in part, but I don’t know which one to go with, to live with. I don’t know which one is best to put more time and energy into.]

Think more about love, about the heart. We call that chakra ’anahata’ in yoga psychology.

There are seven chakras, and the anahata is just in the middle; three below it, three above it. The three below are muladhar, swadhisthan and manipur. Those three belong to an extrovert personality.

In the west, the majority lives through those three chakras. And now in the east also, the majority is moving towards the western attitude of life. These three chakras are very easily available. They have a certain given function; you need not work much on them.

Without them, life will become impossible. They are survival measures, so nature has not given you a choice between them. From the moment you are born, those three chakras start functioning. They go on functioning until you die. The whole life is covered by those three chakras, and the extrovert person never comes to know that there is anything higher than these. Sex, money, power, prestige, respectability, name, fame – they all belong to those three chakras.

And the centre of all those chakras is sex. People seek money in order to seek sex. People seek fame and power and prestige in order to seek sex. Sex remains the centre of the lower three chakras.

Sex remains the centre of the extrovert personality. His whole mind revolves around sex.

Above the anahata, the heart, there are three chakras: visudha, the fourth centre, then ajna, between the two eyes, the third eye centre, and sahasrar, the last centre, the centre of samadhi, of ultimate unfoldment.

Between these two is the heart. Between the introvert and the extrovert, the heart functions as a door, it is a bridge. Just as sex is the centre of the extrovert mind, prayer – or call it meditation – is the centre of the introvert mind. But to call it prayer is more relevant. Between these two – when a person is just in the middle, on the fourth chakra, at the door – love happens. Love is between sex and prayer.

When sex is a little purified, it becomes love. When love is also purified, it becomes prayer. So it is the same energy, the sexual energy, which goes into higher formations. In the east people have tried to live an introvert life; they have tried to live above the heart. But both are lopsided. The western extrovert mind and the eastern introvert mind are both lopsided.

To become a total man, one needs the functioning of all seven. It is not a question of choice. It is a question of being capable of living in all the centres without any conflict. There is none – we create the conflict.

A person can become an extrovert and can become an introvert very easily – just as you go out of your house and you come in. But whether you go out or you come in, you will have to pass from the door, and that door is anahata. So my emphasis is always on the anahata, the heart centre, because that is the door and both the dimensions meet there.

If somebody tries to live just below the heart centre, he closes the door. Then he becomes very worldly. He cannot even think that god exists. He cannot even think that religion can mean anything.

It is all nonsense, rubbish. He does not even believe in love. He thinks love is just a bait for sex, just a foreplay for sex. Just not to be rude one has to at least pretend love. But the basic thing remains sex. He does not believe in love, he cannot believe in love, because he does not know what love is.

He has never functioned at that centre. He has never stood on the door between the two worlds.

The introvert person also becomes very lopsided. He also closes the door of the heart because he becomes afraid. From that door opens the world. So he goes on denying. He becomes a renunciate, a monk, anti-life, condemnatory, repressive, afraid – continuously afraid of relationship, of moving with people, of creating any sort of love, because who knows? – love may bring in sex. Once you open the door of love, then the whole three chakras become available – the chakras of the below.

It is better not to open the doors so you can forget all about the lower world. Then one remains just inside – but one’s life becomes a morbidity. One becomes like an island – cut off from everything .

. . a dry bone. No juice remains. The very shape of life disappears, because if you don’t love, life starts disappearing.

Life exists when you love. Love becomes the very foundation for life to exist. It can have its foothold there.

The introvert becomes more and more sad – silent of course, but not happy. The extrovert is very excited; the introvert is never excited. He remains calm and quiet, but calmness and quietitude are not the goals of life. Ecstasy is the goal of life. Just to be calm and quiet can mean death, can mean suicide. You can dry up all the sources of life in you. You will become calm and quiet, all the fever gone, all the passion gone, all the lust gone – but then you are also gone. You are just an empty room, a negativity, a sort of absence, not a presence. You are not fulfilled. You cannot dance – you have nothing to dance about. You cannot sing. No song arises in your life because all songs dry up when love dries up.

The extrovert seems sometimes to be very happy . . . is more happy than the introvert, but never silent. More joyful – it is a joy to be with an extrovert. You cannot live with an introvert long; that’s why saints are so boring. It is good to pay respect to them, but you cannot live with them for twenty-four hours; they are really boring. And just to think about heaven where all the saints have gathered down the centuries.... One cannot believe how boring that place must now have become. It will be sheer boredom.

You can be with an extrovert, happily; you can relate with him. He is an excited being. He sings, he plays around... many games. He enjoys. Of course he is tense. He is never silent; that is his problem. Happiness is at a cost – that he loses tranquillity, equilibrium, balance. His excitement becomes more and more feverish, and there is every possibility of it turning into a delirium. The extrovert can be mad at any time; the breakdown can come very easily to him. He is so excited and so tense. He has no centre – just the revolving periphery.

To me, a real man or a real woman has to live in all the seven chakras together. Then you have the tranquillity of the introvert and the excitement of the extrovert. That’s what a rich life has to be – the silence of the introvert and the joy of the extrovert, the centre of the introvert and the periphery of the extrovert.

A centre without a periphery is poor. A periphery without a centre is poor. When the periphery and the centre both exist together and you don’t choose – you simply move from one to another enjoying both, not putting them as opposites to each other but balancing them as complementaries – your life becomes tremendously rich.

That’s what I call life abundant. Then you really live in luxury, because you have all that the extrovert can have and all that the introvert can have; you have both the worlds together. Yes, in this sense, you can have the cake and eat it too. Then you are very affirmative. You don’t have any negations, any condemnations. Between samadhi and sex, between the muladhar, the first centre, and the sahasrar, the seventh, the whole sky is available to you, and whatsoever you choose, you can be.

And it is good to go on changing. Why get fixed to one centre? Why not remain flexible, flowing, streaming like a river? Why become a pond? Why get stagnant and stale? Be dynamic.

That’s why I insist on dynamic meditations. ’Meditation’ and ’dynamic’ are a contradiction in terms.

That means I am trying to make a combination of the extrovert and the introvert. Meditation means passivity, meditation means just to be oneself. And dynamism means to do many things, to be active, to be flowing. Dynamic meditation is a contradiction in terms but it is only apparently so. It is possible to have both.

[Osho said it was good to live at the heart centre, sometimes moving to the centres below and sometimes to those above. He said the terms ’higher’ and ’lower’ did not denote any moral evaluation but were simply physiological descriptions. He said one should be like a rainbow – all the colours –

and not obsessed with just one.

As one moved into all the centres, one saw that there was no contradiction in them and that the seven chakras were seven worlds . . .]

Sex opens a door into the world, the sexual world. The heart opens the door into the world of love.

The throat centre opens the door into the world of expression, creativity. The ajna, the third eye centre, opens the world into clarity, vision, and makes one a master of one’s life. That’s why we call it ajna. Ajna means order.

Then you are within your own order. You have your own discipline, and whatsoever you say, goes.

Now there is no more conflict in you. It is not that you want something and you have to do something else. It is not that you never wanted to be angry and still you have become angry – no. When a person lives at the ajna centre, if he wants to be angry, he can be; no problem. If he wants to be angry, he can be even without any situation. He can be abruptly angry for no cause.

Gurdjieff used to play that game. He would be happy and talking and you could not even imagine that he would become angry. Everybody would be shocked at what had happened because there was not even a slight cause. Sometimes he would do the opposite. He would be angry, shouting, and then suddenly he would cool down so suddenly and so abruptly and the change would be so dramatic – as if he had never been angry.

When you are at the sixth centre, ajna, everything goes as you want it to; there is no conflict. All these centres have to be used. No centre has to be sacrificed for another, because every centre is autonomous, has its own world. It does not exist for another, no. It is not a means for another. It exists for itself. It has intrinsic value.

[She asks: How can I go to school in physics and work on my heart?]

You can – there’s no problem, not at all. You can be a scientist; there’s no problem in it. It becomes destructive only when you are only a scientist and you don’t have any dimension of meditation in you. Then it is destructive. Otherwise it can be very creative because it gives power.

Knowledge is power, but that power becomes creative in the hands of those who are at ease with themselves, who are no more neurotic, but calm and quiet and blissful – then it becomes creative. If you are neurotic, then any power that falls into your hands is going to be destructive. A mad person is good when he is powerless.

It is said about tamerlane – one of the most destructive persons in history – that he asked a sufi sage, ’I am very worried because I enjoy sleep too much. Twelve hours even are not enough – and I go on sleeping longer. People say it is bad; one should be active. What do you say?’ he asked the sufi sage.

The sufi sage said, ’If you sleep twenty-four hours, that would be the best.’ Tamerlane was very angry. He said, ’What do you mean – twenty-four hours!’ The sufi sage said, ’Yes, the best thing would have been if you were never born. The next best thing is that you sleep twenty-four hours –

and die as soon as possible, because people like you when they are awake, do mischief. At least while asleep you will not do any mischief.’

So it depends. . . it depends on you. It does not depend on science. Physics can be tremendously beneficial to the world, but the physicist has to be a totally different type of man. Ordinarily people who are ready to be angry for any small thing – for any trivia; ordi-nary people who are ready to die or kill for any small thing – should not have power. They should not become politicians, but they do.

In fact, only they become politicians, because only they seek power. Who bothers? If you are really happy, who bothers about power? Who competes for power? They hold much power – and they are ordinary people with very unconscious minds. Then wars become natural.

If you want to be a physicist, become a physicist, but go on growing in your inner being. Then nothing is harmful and everything can be used for something good. Become good, and whatsoever you do will be good. It is not a question of doing good – it is a question of being good.

But be here for a few weeks. Meditate, and then we will see. If you Still have the idea to continue, good. If the idea has disappeared, then there is no need to bother about it. Just be open.

Whatsoever happens – and if you feel good about it – do it.

Deva means divine and kanan means a wild forest; a divine, wild forest. And that’s what you have to keep in your heart – that to be wild is to be alive. The more civilised a person is, the less alive. I’m not saying to become uncivilised. I’m not saying to break the rules and regulations of the society, but remember deep inside that all the rules and regulations, and the civilisation and the society, are a game. Never lose contact with your inner wilderness. When you close your eyes, just become wild. When you are alone in your room, just become wild. Sing and dance and do things without any consideration of others.

A person who is continuously considering others, never grows. When you are moving with people in the world, consider them, but remember that these rules are not commandments. They have nothing to do with truth. They are just conveniences. Of course one has to take care on the road to keep to the left or keep to the right; it has to be so. But keeping to the left has no truth about it, no fundamental . . . no ultimacy about it. It is just a rule of the game. If you want to walk on the road, you have to follow the rule. But when you are in your room alone, meditating, then there is no need to continuously keep to the left. Then you can just run in the middle of the road. You can forget all that society imposes, forces. That’s what is going to help your growth.

And whenever you can find time, move into the forest. Go to the wild sea. Just watching will be beautiful. Swimming will be beautiful. . . surfing will be beautiful. . . going to the mountains will be beautiful. Keep more in touch with the non-human, and you will become capable of reaching to the superhuman. Don’t be confined to the human.

On both sides of the human, two worlds open. On one side is the world of the non-human – the trees, the birds, the rivers, the mountains, the stars; on another side, the superhuman – the world of god. It is difficult to know right now about the world of god, but one way is that you can drop out of the human world. You can become part of the non-human existence. And that will give you the clue about how to go above the human. If you can go below, you can go above. The same key opens and functions both ways.

Once you know that human boundaries can be crossed, then you know where those boundaries are and how to cross them. One becomes by and by, efficient, more and more skilful.

[A seeker asks: I’m trying to learn to surrender – that’s the problem.]

Then surrender! There is nothing else to do about it. It is a simple thing. It takes no efforts, no preparation. Just a decision is enough.

Surrender is not something you have to arrange for, manage. It is nothing that you have to be prepared for. If you try to prepare, you will never be able to surrender. It is simply an understanding –

that on your own you have not been able to achieve anything, on your own you have been struggling in vain. So why not drop that and try something totally new?

Surrender needs only surrender, nothing else. It is a simple gesture; it is not very complex.

[Osho gives him sannyas.]

Prem means love and vinod means enjoyment. Become more loving and become more enjoying too.

And there is nothing to enjoy like love. Don’t miss any opportunity to love, because all opportunities of love lost are opportunities of growth lost. I’m not saying that love is always easy. It is difficult. It has ups and downs. It has its dark nights too, but they are worth it. And out of the darkest night comes the beautiful morning.

So never be afraid of the dark night, otherwise you will miss the morning.

CHAPTER 22

18 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Deva means divine and madira means wine, divine wine. And become that! Be so ecstatic –

because if one is not ecstatic, the same energy tends to become negative. If you don’t move into happiness, the same energy becomes unhappiness. It is the same energy. Either you change it into ecstasy or it becomes a depression, a load. And that’s what I am seeing has happened to you. You have much energy but it has become a load on you. So while you are here, forget everything. For a few days, just be mad with me!

[A sannyasin, present with his five-year-old son says: I would like to talk about the relationship with my son. He is a very beautiful and rich child, but I feel he demands too much energy from me and needs much attention. I am in a struggle between feeling guilty and sacrificing myself. Is it possible to have a balance?]

Yes, it is possible. Just one thing has to be understood. If you allow children, they can become very dictatorial; they can really exploit you. That is harmful to you and it is not good for them either, because once you allow yourself to be exploited and you have to give attention and love beyond your limits and you start feeling that this is too much, then somehow you will be taking revenge. Later on the child will grow into a world which is not going to bother about him, and he will always expect the same from everybody else. His expectations will be too much, and they will create frustrations. He will condemn you then – and it is logical too – and say, ’My father destroyed me.’

Give love, but don’t allow yourself to be dominated.

The distinction is subtle but has to be

understood. Give love when you feel like giving. When you don’t feel like giving, then don’t be bothered, because you are not here just to fulfill your son’s desires. And you are giving him a wrong example – he will do the same to his children.

And always remember – sacrifice is not good, because you cannot forgive and you cannot forget once you sacrifice. You will never be able to forgive the son.

But he cannot be made responsible. He is not alert, he is not so conscious. You are more conscious.

Your responsibility is the greater. Give your love but don’t be dominated. Make it clear.... And children are very perceptive. Once they know, once it becomes clear that you cannot be coerced, they become practical. I have never seen children very philosophical. They are always very down to earth. They know what is possible – and only then do they do it. If it is impossible, they won’t do it.

Once I was staying with a friend, and the couple went out and told me that their small son is there, so I have to look after him. I said, ’Let him play.’ He fell from the stairs and was hurt.

He looked at me, and I sat there like a buddha (much laughter). So he looked at me, watched closely, and then thought, ’It is useless; to cry or to weep is meaningless, because this man seems to be almost like a statue.’ He started playing....

Half an hour later when the parents came back, he started crying. So I said to him, ’This is illogical because now there is no problem. If there was Pain or some hurt, half an hour has Passed – you should have cried before.’ He said, ’What was the point? I knew well that you were not going to be bothered. I had to wait!’ Children are very very practical.

So you have to be alert. You are doing something wrong. And once they know that you can be coerced easily, they will coerce you. So just give your love as much as you want, but not under coercion. It should be voluntary. For a few days it will be a little difficult because you must have made a habit, but the sooner you mend it, the better – better for you, better for him.

So from this moment become a little alert about it. For ten days, don’t allow him to force you, and then tell me how things are going. He will understand tomorrow. Children are never foolish, never stupid. Stupidity comes only later. Up to the age of seven, children are very intelligent. In fact stupid children are not born – only intelligent children. Then by and by stupidity is learned; it is not a natural thing.

He will understand tomorrow. Just make it dear. Just as two plus two is four, make it clear to him.

He will try the old tricks but he will see that they are not working and he will drop them, mm?

[A visitor says: I’ve come and I’ve listened to certain eastern philosophers, and I feel myself in a bind right now. I see on one side that people are speaking about life being a struggle, and on your side I see you saying that life is not a struggle, and instead of swimming, to float.

I’m caught in between these two things.]

Mm mm, try both. For one year try struggling, and when you have failed – as it is going to happen

– then come to me. It is certain. Nobody has ever been able to succeed through struggle. You can succeed in earning money, but that’s not success at all. You can succeed in becoming a richard nixon or something, that’s not success at all. But you cannot become a jesus or a buddha. You can accumulate many possessions, bank balances, but you will remain unhappy. You will never know what bliss is. You will miss the whole meaning of life.

Struggle gives many things – but they are only things. It never gives you the source. It never gives you you. Everything else is possible, but not your innermost core.

So for one year, you can try. But do hard work so you are finished in one year. Otherwise people struggle for their whole life and by the time they understand, no time is left. And if you understand, you can see clearly that there are a few things which cannot be attained through conquering, because in the first place, the very effort to conquer creates tension in you. It destroys your relaxation, and happiness is possible only in a relaxed state. Happiness is possible only in a no-tense state. Happiness means that. So if you struggle, you will become more and more tense, more anxious, more in anguish, and of course you will become more and more hungry for happiness and further away from it. Every day you will see that you are struggling so hard to reach the goal but the goal is receding far away.

What I am saying is a simple truth. It is not a philosophy. It is not metaphysics. It is a simple fact that we are part of life. In fact there is no need to conquer anything – there is nobody else to conquer.

With whom are you going to fight? You will be fighting with yourself.

And tomorrow is not certain. It may come, it may not come. The struggle always presupposes that the tomorrow is certain. Today you have to struggle – tomorrow you will be happy. That tomorrow never comes – all that comes is always today. And again that mind says, ’Struggle! Sacrifice today for tomorrow. Tomorrow you will be happy. Tomorrow is paradise, tomorrow is heaven.’ Today is a struggle – and today is all that comes. Who can say that tomorrow is certain?

What I am saying is that right now you can enjoy life; there is no need to postpone. Only this moment is certain because it has already arrived. You can drink out of it as much as you want, as deeply as you want. It is available to you – this moment you are wasting in struggling, in tensing yourself.

Relax and be.

I am a hedonist. I believe in happiness, but I don’t believe in pursuing happiness. Happiness is a by-product. Whenever you are relaxed and in the moment, you are happy – whatsoever the reason.

If you love singing, when you sing you forget the future. When you are singing, you are no more efforting. You enjoy... you simply relax into here and now, and suddenly you are happy. It is not singing that is bringing happiness. The happiness is happening because through singing you have relaxed into the present moment. If you are a painter, paint, and you will be happy.

The only condition for happiness is that you relax in the present. You can just lie down on the sea beach and relax and you will be happy.

Before alexander came to india, he went to see diogenes. They were poles apart – alexander is the great conqueror, the great alexander, and diogenes is a beggar – but even alexander had to go to diogenes because he had heard so many legends about this man and his happiness and tremendous joy, and the benediction that was felt in his presence.

He went to see him before he started his journey towards india. It was just morning, a winter morning, and diogenes was Lying on the river bank, naked, taking a sunbath. Alexander stood there and watched. He must have felt tremendously jealous of this man – so relaxed, so non-tense, so radiant. And there was nothing with him, not even clothes; he was naked.

Alexander was really impressed, and he said, ’Can I do something for you. Whatsoever you say, I will do.’ Diogenes laughed. He said, ’You came a little late. Now I don’t need anything. All that I need is happening. You came a little late. But one thing you can do – just stand a little by the side because you are preventing the sun.’ That was all he asked from alexander – just to stand by the side.

Alexander was thrilled because he could not believe that he was saying to somebody, ’Whatsoever you want I am going to give to you,’ and the man simply says, ’Just stand a little by the side.’ He said,

’If I have another chance to be born, I would ask god to make me diogenes instead of alexander.’

Diogenes said, ’But there is no need for it – to wait for another life. The beach is so big, you can relax here. Just this moment be a diogenes, because there is no need to postpone that far. If god is going to give you another life, you are going to ask him to make you diogenes, but why? This very moment you can become him if you understand.’

Alexander must have laughed a hollow laugh. He said, ’You are right, but I cannot do it. I have to go and conquer india.’ Diogenes asked, ’What are you going to do after you have conquered india?’

Alexander said, ’I will conquer asia.’ ’And then?’ Alexander said, ’The whole world.’ Diogenes said,

’The last question – and then?’ Alexander said, ’Then I would like to relax and be happy.’

Diogenes started laughing. He said, ’You are a fool – because I am relaxing without conquering the whole world! What is the point of it an, if in the end one is going to relax and be happy? Why not right now?’ It must have been a very embarrassing moment for alexander the great.

To me, life consists of now and here. So there is no space and time enough to struggle. There is only enough time to celebrate. There is only enough time to live and love and dance and sing. There is not enough time to prepare. There is not enough time to have rehearsals. The actual drama is already happening. It is not going to wait for you. The world is in a celebration. You can stand by the side... you can remain just a spectator. My invitation is to become a participant.

And this is the whole game of desire. Desire says, ’Tomorrow,’ understanding says, ’Now.’ These so-called spiritual people you are talking about who say to struggle, make effort, will power and all sorts of dale carnegie-type nonsense, and positive thinking, are just playing upon your greed, playing upon your ego. They are persuading you into ego trips in the name of spirituality, religion, god. They are not going to make you other-worldly. Their other world is no-thing but an extension of this world. And I am ready to allow you to be other-worldly this very moment. And I don’t talk about the other world because this is the only world there is – but there are two ways to live in it.

One way is that of desire, imagination, dreams of tomorrow, of the future. Another is that of reality, of this moment, responding to this moment. There are not two worlds, there are only two types of people. One type – greedy, full of desire – create a future, and they go on wasting the present.

Non-greedy, without any desire for the future, the other type enjoy tremendously. They are not at a loss.

Look at me... try to penetrate into my eyes. I am not giving any metaphysics. I’m just trying to point out facts, simple facts.

I’m not weaving theories and speculations around facts. I’m just indicating naked facts – this is how life is. If you really want to live, live now. If you don’t want to live, you can postpone. No person of understanding can afford the future, because how can you? The future is not yet there – and you will be a loser.

So if you can understand.... Tremendous intelligence is needed to understand what I am saying.

And about what others are saying, no understanding is needed. Even to stupid people these things look relevant, logical, rational, reasonable. What I am saying is almost irrational. I am saying that you are already there – you have arrived. Where are you going? It looks absurd! It is apparently so because you think, ’I – and arrived? Long is the journey, far away is the goal. Somewhere on some star, one day I will reach certainly, but right now?’

So these people look logical. Their logic is very ordinary. It fits with your reasoning. If you want to listen to me, you will have to drop your reasoning. You can come to me only if you are ready to drop your head. That’s what I call sannyas. It is a sort of beheading.

But still I say to you, try. If you feel that there is some appeal in struggle, effort, try. Who knows?

You may be the exception. That which has never happened, may happen to you – who knows?

And you can find that type of people anywhere. They are in the majority. They run all the ashrams, they run all the monasteries, they run all the universities. I am a lonely voice. But if you can see, the truth is very clear. There is no confusion about it.

Meditate a little more. I can see. a beautiful sannyasin hidden behind you.

[A sannyasin says: I escape from everything. And I don’t do anything properly.]

Mm! Do the escaping properly. I’m not against it – I’m not against anything.

[She answers: Yes, but I am.]

Then you create problems. Don’t do it. If you are against it, don’t do it. If you are for it, then do it properly. Both are good.

You go on saying you don’t want to do it. That’s not right, because in fact you do that which you want to do. This is a false statement. And this is the trick of the mind: you do something, and you don’t want to accept that you wanted to do it. You are not ready to be responsible. You don’t feel ready to be responsible for whatsoever you have done. You want to avoid the responsibility so you say, ’I did it, but I never wanted to.’ Now this is absurd. Why did you do it if you never wanted to? Then who did it?

If one is honest, things are clear. You want to do a certain thing – do it, and then take the responsibility for it. If you are escaping, you want to escape; nothing is wrong in it. Accept it, and then I can teach you how to escape properly.

Accept it. Just be that way. That may be your path for coming to god. There are many types of people. A few people go zig-zag. There is nothing wrong in it.

[She said that she was not even doing properly the meditation bhagwan had given her to help a chronic pain in her shoulder.]

Then enjoy the pain also. Because when you go zig-zag, there are problems you will have to face, which are not faced by people who go straight. There are pleasures to find when you go zig-zag; there are pains also. There are pleasures when you go straight; there are pains also. They are always in the same proportion everywhere, and one has to accept both.

This is how the problem arises: you want to enjoy the pleasure of it, and you want to drop the pain part; that is not possible.

[She answers: No, I always look for the pain.]

Then why call it pain? Call it pleasure. Change the language. Say that here (touching his own shoulder) I always feel pleasure; don’t call it pain. If you look for it and it doesn’t come and you miss it, it is pleasure.

What I am trying to make clear to you is – be honest, and then there are no more problems. For an honest person there are no more problems. I am not saying that an honest person is never dishonest. I am saying that if an honest person is dishonest, he knows that he wants to be dishonest.

Finished! That’s his honesty. Do you understand me?

The honest person is deliberately dishonest, consciously dishonest. He has no complaints about it.

He does not create a problem about it. He does not create rationalisations around it. He never says,

’I wanted to be honest, but somehow...’ No. He says, ’I wanted to be dishonest and I have been. I am perfectly happy because whatsoever I wanted, I have done.’

Just try to be true. And when I say these things – ’Try to be true’ – I’m not saying don’t lie. I’m not saying that. I am saying if you want to lie, then lie – but be true. Know well, perfectly, that you are Lying. If you become so clear, things will start changing. The very awareness brings transformation.

Awareness is transformation.

If you are honest, by and by you will see that there is no point in being dishonest. It is just foolish.

Simply seeing into facts, things change, Lying drops, dishonesty drops.

This escaping will continue if you don’t recognise it and accept it. Accept it. Give it recognition and do it deliberately. For ten days, whatsoever you do, do it deliberately. For example in the morning if you don’t want to come to the meditation, don’t come – deliberately. Don’t say, ’I wanted to come but I was feeling a little sleepy.’ What is the point? Simply say, ’I never wanted to come – that’s why I felt sleepy.’ It is simple and clearcut. Say, ’Whether I was feeling sleepy or not was not the question.

Even if I was not feeling sleepy I would have found some other excuse – but I was not going to come.’

Just see the fact of it, and your complexity will be reduced to simplicity. Then if you want to come, you come. If you don’t want to come, you don’t come.

But then your path is very clearcut. If you choose the zig-zag path, that’s your path. You enjoy it, you dance on it. Then you are no more divided. For ten days, try, and after ten days, report, mm?

Good.

[A sannyasin says: I was tired of pushing myself and I wanted to get ill – and I got ill. Then this old fear came up that I’m not normal because I don’t want to work, or felt I had no energy to do anything.

I don’t want to force myself any more.]

Don’t force.

... you are perfectly normal! There is nothing wrong in you.

... The problem arises because you don’t want to work, but still you want all those things which people get by working. For example if you work, people respect you. If you don’t work, you are a vagabond, a bum, lousy, lazy. You should enjoy these things then.

In my childhood I never liked to do anything. I would simply sit and sometimes I would be sitting just in front of my mother, and she would say, ’Nobody seems to be in the house’ – because she wanted somebody to go to the market and fetch something for her and I would be just sitting in front of my mother! (laughter) But it was almost inconceivable that I would go to the market, so they all thought,

’This man is lazy.’ My grandfather used to say, ’I’m very much worried about you. Who is going to feed you? How are you going to earn a living?’

And he was right... his worry was right. But I accepted that. That’s perfectly okay. When you are lazy, you are lazy. Then if they call you lazy, they are not insulting you – they are simply labelling you, categorising you, that’s all. There is no criterion of who is normal and who is abnormal. One has to listen to one’s own nature. You may be the lazy type.

But I’m not certain that you are a lazy type. My suspicion is that you are not a lazy type – hence the problem arises. When you are lazy, your energy starts boiling. You don’t know where to put it and what to do with it, and you don’t want to work. Not that you are lazy. It is simply that you have something against work, some notions. But as I see it, you are an active person. If you are lazy, you can become taoist very easily. Then whatsoever I am saying is nothing but a lazy man’s guide to enlightenment. But you are not; that creates the trouble. But we have to see.

I never want to impose anything on you. Man is unpredictable. So simply accept your laziness and rest and enjoy. If you feel too much energy, do something which is not like work. Go for a walk, go swimming in the river. Run for two, three or four miles. Dance, jog – do anything. Just play and enjoy it. If you are really an active person, sooner or later you will discover that laziness is not for you. You will become ill if you are an active person. Laziness will make you ill because your own energy will boil and will create inner turmoil in you. It will go sour.

So for a few days simply relax with no idea of who you are and what is normal and what is abnormal.

There is no need to be worried about it. Just wait, enjoy. For fifteen days, simply watch. Fifteen days in laziness and then fifteen days of activity. Watch both the ways. Whatsoever feels good is in tune with your being. And that is the only way to find out. What others say is irrelevant. What you feel deep down is the only criterion. And don’t condemn. If you find that you are a lazy person, don’t condemn. Lazy persons are beautiful persons!

[Osho said that lazy people were never harmful, did no violence in the world, and that the world would be better if there were more lazy people.... ]

... and soon the lazy man’s world is going to come, because by and by technology will go on relieving people of work. The next century is going to be a totally new beginning. The lazy man will be the most appreciated man. So in your next life.... Prepare from today! Become lazy. In the next life the world is going to belong to the lazy man. In fact scientists say that in the twenty-first century when technology has taken over all the work, it is going to be difficult to keep active people silent, happy, healthy. They will create trouble. They will demand work. They will create mischief.

The lazy man is going to be appreciated tremendously because he will not ask for any work.

[Osho said that in the past, before the world was so prosperous, active people were needed and were depended on; the lazy man was condemned.... ]

But soon the days are coming when the wheel would have gone the full circle and the lazy man’s spoke is going to be on top. He will be given nobel prizes – nobel prizes for doing nothing, a nobel prize for not asking for any work. It is difficult to conceive of now, but it is coming.

So there is no question of whether an active person is normal and an inactive person abnormal; nothing of the sort. Simply look into your own being. Whatsoever feels good and healthy and makes you feel more wholesome, enjoy it; that is normal to you. There is no other criterion, no standard.

Each individual is a standard unto himself.

So forget the commandments. You have to find your own commandments. Every person has to become a moses unto himself, and bring his own commandments. For fifteen days simply be lazy and watch – and be a very objective observer.

[A sannyasin says: I feel your breath on me, and feel that I am willing and able to serve you.]

You will. You will do much for me. Many things have to be done there (in the west). And you are ready. Just start working, helping in your own way whatsoever you can do, because humanity needs many things. It is a very critical time... a great crisis, an unprecedented crisis in human values.

Either man will be completely destroyed or will have to completely change.

So just start working with no plan, no outward strategy. Just go by your feeling. And you are surrendered to me so I can start working through you.

[Osho gives him a name for a centre in North Carolina.]

I will give you a name for whenever you go. The name: indiradhan. It means the rainbow. Dhan means bow and indira in indian mythology is the god of clouds, rain, thunder, light-ning. So the rainbow is his bow, indira’s bow.

And I give it this name – indiradhan – because it will be very very representative of my attitude towards life. I accept all colours. I am not in any way negative towards anything. This is a totally positive approach. From the lowest to the highest rung – everything has to be accepted and enjoyed and man has to become a meeting of heaven and earth. A rainbow is a meeting of heaven and earth – a bridge, and with all the colours.

Religion has become very colourless in the past. It has lost dance, song, poetry. It became just dry, dead theology. Life has to be infused into it again, so it must be life-affirmative. It must not be life-negative and anti-life. It must affirm and enhance life in every way. It must be creative. It should not call anything ’sin’. Yes, errors there are. Errors, yes, mistakes, yes, failures, yes – but there is no sin.

There are people who miss heaven, but there is no hell. At the most you can miss heaven, that’s all.

That’s enough punishment. What more is needed?

[An indian visitor said that he would like to ask what was the most important question in his life –

and that was that he found it difficult to maintain ever-present awareness, that sometimes awareness came as a delayed response, and this was the problem for him.]

You are creating the problem, and people who try to be aware, almost always create the problem.

The first thing: awareness can only be of the moment. The very idea that it should always remain, that it should become a permanent state, is wrong. And why be worried about the next moment?

The very idea of permanence is part of greed. Greed is part of unawareness, so unawareness is playing a trick and creating a problem. It is not out of awareness that the problem is coming; it is out of unawareness.

This moment is enough. Be aware in this moment. I understand – next moment you forget, so forget!

Be aware of your forgetfulness. One has to be attentive even to one’s unattentiveness. There are moments you are aware – then you are aware of awareness. It is not a simple awareness. It is complex; you are aware of your awareness. Then there are moments when you are aware of your unawareness, but awareness continues as a substratum.

So whatsoever happens.... Sometimes you forget – what can you do? There is no point in crying for the spilled milk. That which is gone is gone. If one moment has passed and you were not aware, and later you became alert that this moment has gone and you were not aware, don’t waste any moment for it now, because this other moment is passing by. Just be aware of it.

And why ask for permanence? One person never gets two mo-ments together. You always get one moment. When that one is gone, another is supplied. So if you can remain alert in one single moment – enough! Whatsoever time will be coming in front of you, your torch of awareness will be there. Asking for permanent awareness is as if you are going for a long journey, a thousand-mile journey in the night, and I give you a small torch and you say, ’By this torch I can only see a few feet.

The journey is very long – one thousand miles. How am I going to manage? It is impossible. This torch is too small.’

But I will tell you to go four, five feet, and then the torch will be falling four, five feet ahead again. Just by a small torch, one can move into the darkest night, and one can go on moving for a thousand miles; there is no problem. But if you start calculating, and you sit down and put it on paper and you see that the torch is only capable of lighting four, five feet, and the journey is one thousand miles –

impossible.

One moment is enough for your awareness. Then comes another moment. Your awareness is there.

Another moment will be lighted, then another, then another. The whole eternity can pass in front of you. Why be worried about making it permanent? That too is part of greed.

Life is momentary. Let awareness also be momentary. That’s why buddha called his philosophy

’chhanikawada’ – the philosophy of the moment. He said it is enough to be mindful of the moment.

Only the moment exists – all else is imagination.

So the past is gone. If you missed, you missed. Forget about it. There is no need to worry and beat your head. The future has not come. There is no need to bring it in. Just look at the moment that is passing right now, and look with awareness. Still you will miss many times, but nothing is wrong in it.

When you miss, just note with full alertness that you missed – that’s all. By and by you will miss less and less. Just take a simple note, observe it and finished! Go ahead. By these observa-tions, more and more awareness will be happening. And I’m not saying permanent. I’m saying more – because more has depth. Awareness is going to remain of the moment. It can be shallow, it can be deep.

That is a totally different dimension.

It will become more and more deep, more and more deep. It will become so deep one day that whatsoever comes in front of you will be lighted well. But don’t think in terms of permanence. It can become eternal, but not permanent. Permanence is part of time. But we always think of making things stable. If something is fleeting we become worried. Then we think, ’What is the point of making so much effort and it is gone again, gone again?’ Simply drop that worry.

Awareness is the key word and the key question. If you can open it, you have found the master key.

It opens all the locks. No other question is necessary then. But don’t make it a greed. It will come.

CHAPTER 23

19 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Anand means bliss, the ultimate state of consciousness when there is nothing to be blissful about...

just pure bliss, uncaused. That is the difference between bliss and happiness. Happiness needs a cause for it to exist. Bliss needs no cause. And when happiness needs a cause, it can create unhappiness, because the cause is always beyond you; you cannot do anything about it. If you are happy because you are with a man you love, unhappiness can settle any moment because it is impossible to control the other. If he moves to another woman, you will be unhappy. Even if he doesn’t move to another woman and you force him to be with you but deep inside he is no more with you, then too you will be unhappy.

If your happiness depends on money, then it is not certain. You may have money today, you may not have it tomorrow. If your happiness depends on others’ opinions, it is veN fragile because people’s opinions are almost whimsical. They can appreciate you today like a goddess, and the next day they can kill you and burn you like a witch. They are not reliable.

So happiness is always shaking, trembling, and surrounded by unhappiness. Happiness can never be a state of fearlessness; the fear is always there. Any moment happiness can slip out of your hands. So when you are happy, then too you are not really happy because the fear is constantly there. When you are happy, just by the side, the shadow of unhappiness is standing. And you cannot avoid it, you cannot escape it, because it will always follow its natural course, and the natural course is another aspect of happiness itself. You cannot drop it. Bliss is not happiness in that sense.

It has no shadow to it.

In many mythologies of the world, they say that when a person becomes enlightened no shadow is created around him. It is true in a sense – not factually true, but symbolically true – in that he has no opposite to his being. He lives in non-duality.

Happiness is dual – always defined by unhappiness. That is the dilemma of the happy or the unhappy person, the ordinary person. If you are happy, still you are unhappy because you know that nothing is certain. When you are unhappy, you are unhappy. When you are happy, then too you are unhappy.

Bliss means a state of your inner nature not caused by anything from the outside – just your own being in its purity, uncaused, undefined, independent. Only then one is happy. Then one is eternally happy. So bliss or anand, is the ultimate state of a human being – the purest, where all the causes have been dropped and one has come to understand one’s own nature, one’s own tao.

And amba means the mother goddess. In the east the persian concept of god was of a mother.

The most ancient concept of god was that of a mother. And it seems to be more appropriate that god should be a mother rather than a father, because the father is something institutional; it is not natural.

There have been centuries where the father never existed. In primitive societies, if you go back five thousand years, the father was non-existential. Uncle is an older word than father. The uncle existed before the father; Ordinarily we think that this should be otherwise – that the father should exist first, only then can the uncle exist. But no; it actually happened the other way – the uncle came first.

All the people who could have been your father – and nobody knew who your father was – were all uncles. By and by one of them became fixed and was known, and the social structure defined him; he became the father. An uncle means maybe he is your father, maybe he is not.

So in many societies, in all the primitive societies, the father was not existential – and there is eveN

possibility again of fathers disappearing from the world. Communists say that it will disappear when their communism has come to its perfect flowering, because they think the father is associated with private property. In a way it does have something to do with private property.

When everything is communal, the father has no meaning. The father came into being only with private property. He had his land and he had his money, his wife, his sons, daughters. If everything disappears – the money, the land – and everything becomes communal, then the father becomes meaningless. And if the society takes charge of the children, the whole function of the father is gone. But the mother will exist. The mother has always existed. The mother is eternal. The mother is natural. In animals the father doesn’t exist, but the mother does.

So the concept of god as mother is beautiful. It is more natural, less social; more real, less ideological. And in a scientific way also, god is more like a womb in which we exist and are nourished.

The father is something external, he is something outside. The mother is internal. You are inside the mother, you are not inside the father. And when you are inside your mother, your mother remains inside you.

Now psychoanalysis has come to the same point from another dimension. It says that almost ninety-nine percent of problems are concerned with the mother. Patients go on talking about their mother.

Somehow the mother defines their being, even their patho-logy. Even in their obsessions, their fixations, their problems, their anxieties, the mother is a definitive force.

Amba is a name of god. Amba means mother. And the whole name will mean mother goddess of bliss. And two things you have to create in your being by and by: become more and more blissful –

just for no reason at all, just be blissful – and become more and more motherly. That’s what I see in you will solve all your problems.

[The new sannyasin says she is concerned about screaming at her son. Osho asks her to give an example, and she replies: He comes up to his sister and he pinches her and she shrieks. It makes me nervous and so I scream at him to stop it.]

No, don’t be worried about screaming – not at all. It is natural. Just one thing you have to remember

– balance it by loving.

There are moments when one wants to scream – and the chil-dren understand that, because they themselves scream. That is really their language. If you are feeling boiling within and you don’t scream, the child feels disturbed very much at what is happening, because it is beyond him to understand. He can feel.... Your very vibe is screaming and you are not screaming; you are even smiling, controlling. The child is disturbed very much by that because he feels the mother is cheating

– and they never forgive cheating.

They are always ready to accept truth. Children are very very empirical, very earth4, down to earth.

They can accept your screaming because they also scream when they feel like that. They will feel a bridge between you and them if you scream. The only thing to be done is, don’t feel guilty about it, otherwise your guilt will be disturbing. Your guilt will create problems for them. They will start feeling that they are the cause of your guilt; they are making you feel guilty. That will create guilt in them.

Guilt creates guilt.

So scream when you feel like it. The only thing to remember is to balance it by love. Then love also madly. When you are screaming at them, you have to love them also, just the same mad way. Hug them, dance with them. They will understand that their mother is wild, and they know that she loves them so she has the right to scream also. If you only scream and don’t love them with intensity and passion, then there is a problem. So the problem does not arise out of screaming. It arises if you don’t balance it by love.

So just go on balancing, that’s all. And be true. If you feel like screaming, you feel like screaming.

What can you do? All that you can do is going to be a sort of repression. You can repress it, you can hold it in, but it will come out in indirect ways. And children cannot understand those indirect ways – they are not yet civilised. They don’t know the language of repression. When they have done something wrong, they can understand that they are being beaten, but they cannot understand when they are doing something wrong and they have been caught and you smile. This simply puzles them.

It is so unnatural; they cannot believe it. The mother must be faking it, because they cannot do it, so how can you? And of course they are closer to nature than you and they understand nature more than you.

When a child comes and he has done something wrong, he comes ready to be beaten, slapped. If you don’t slap him, his expectations are not fulfilled, he will be frustrated. If you hit him hard, nothing is wrong, only it should be warm. That hit should be warm, not cold – and there is a great difference between the two. A cold hit or a cold slapping comes only if you repress.

For example a child has done something and you have repressed your anger. This was the warm moment. If you had hit him, screamed at him, everything would have been warm and alive, but you repressed it. Later when the child is not doing anything – six hours have passed and he has forgotten completely – you cannot forget; you have repressed it. Now the whole thing has gone cold.

Now you find some excuse: ’You have not done your homework! Where is your homework!’ Now this is cold and you are taking revenge – and you will take revenge otherwise it will hang around you.

You have to do something otherwise you will not be able to get rid of it.

You find some rational excuse. Screaming was very irrational, but natural. You will find some unnatural but rational excuse – that he has not done his homework or his clothes are dirty or he has not taken a shower today. Now you are angry but your anger is cold. You may get rid of it; that too will be ugly. It is just like eating cold food – it takes long to digest; it becomes heavy on the stomach.

The child cannot understand; it is almost impossible. He has not done anything. He was not expecting this and he has completely forgotten what happened six hours ago. He never carries any memory that long. Then a distrust arises because he thinks the mother is somehow totally different from him. When he has done something wrong, she smiles. And when he has not done anything wrong, she is ready to slap him or scream. And a cold scream is heartless.

So be warm. They are your children, you are their mother. You have to be in a natural, flowing relationship. Don’t listen to what psychologists go on talking about – fifty percent of it is almost rubbish. They have destroyed many beautiful things in the world. Now mothers and fathers are reading their manuals on how to behave with their children. What foolishness! One simply knows...

by being a mother you know how to behave. No need to learn from anybody. Just be natural.

These manuals are all to be burned. Listen to nature. You are a mother so you know. No cat goes and consults any manual on how to catch rats. She simply jumps and catches. She is a cat – that’s enough! No certificate is needed, no counsellors are needed. You are a mother – finished! Your mother nature will take care. Just be natural, and always balance. If you are natural it will balance itself. And I am saying it only so you don’t forget it. Otherwise there is a possibility that you can scream and be natural and you may not love them.

And love is not something only in the mind – that you think you love them. Do something – just as you scream. A scream is a physical thing. Sometimes sing and dance also because you have such a beautiful child. Then there is no problem. Sometimes hug him, take him close... Let him feel your body and feel his body. He is part of your body. He needs your warmth. Sometimes take his hand and run around the house... go swimming. Sometimes take him in the shower and stand naked, both stand naked, under the shower, and then he’ll understand perfectly well that his mother is natural; whatsoever she does is right. I don’t see that there is any problem. Good.

[A sannyasin returning to france, handed bhagwan a letter in which he described a dream he had had recently.... ]

The dream has nothing in it to be disturbed about That type of dream comes to people after meditation because meditation brings a state of mind where death seems probable. It is indicative that your meditation has gone deeper, has penetrated you.

The first glimpse of meditation is always of death, so the dream is simply enacting your death. And this is very beautiful because you felt in your dream that on one hand you were being pursued by people who wanted to kill you, and on the other hand you felt you were not the person who was going to be killed.

This is what is going to happen in deepest meditation. You will die and yet you will not die. On one hand you will die, and on another you will be reborn. It will be a crucifixion and a resurrection.

Feel happy about it – the dream is beautiful. And I say so because it may come again. In different shapes, in different forms, the dream will come. But the essence will always be the same – that you are trying to escape from death, and death is pursuing you. The feeling that you are the pursued and yet not the pursued will come deeper and deeper.

[A sannyasin couple, leaving for the states, said they were both continually fighting with each other.

He said it was over just little things and sometimes they were able to pull themselves out of it, but it was still happening frequently.

Osho said that what men considered small things were, to women, issues of much importance, because a woman’s whole orientation to the world is completely different to that of a man. To a woman, the home and the neighbourhood means more than wars in distant countries.... ]

... what you call little things are not little for her, they are very important. What are important things for you are just irrelevant for her. In fact a woman knows that they are foolish things. Why be worried about what is happening in tibet? What is the point of it all? The neighbourhood is enough. She does not have that big a compass. But this is natural. It is complementary. The man can look outside into the world, the woman can look inside to the house. If nobody is there to look to the house, then you will know that those little things are not little things.

If you don’t have food one day, then you will forget about tibet and you will forget about religion. If every day the same rotten vegetables are given to you, you will forget all about the third world war, and then you will see that these things are important. But somebody is taking care of them so you can roam far and wide.

But things that are important for the woman should not be thought of as little, otherwise that very thing creates conflict. Hence I say that the responsibility is more for you to let her have her own way for things you call little. And one thing is certain – she will never argue with you about great things. You can go on deciding whether god has four or three heads; a woman is not worried. You can go on deciding whether twelve angels can stand on the point of one needle or twelve hundred.

She gives you that total freedom to decide for yourself. But she wants total freedom to decide about small things, so completely surrender to her about those.

And you love each other, so by and by drop all nonsense, because that becomes a jarring note.

It poisons a relationship. Why? You can be so happy, so immensely happy. Why destroy such beautiful experiences for things which don’t count in the end? You cannot even remember after one month what the point was about which you were fighting.

Simply relax and then you will feel good, because when there is no conflict, you have more energy to work, more energy to meditate, more energy to love. And you are more quiet and calm and collected.

If something goes on between you and your lover, that disturbs everything else. It becomes a constant background noise. So you may be doing something else, but you are never totally in it, because somewhere deep down that fight continues.

[A sannyasin leaving, said that here she had found something she was looking for and she was afraid of losing it when she returned to france.]

Don’t be afraid at all. That little understanding that has happened to you is going to be a constant force in you. It is a small flame right now, but it will become bigger and bigger every day. It is like a seed. It has sprouted. The plant is very small but it will grow and will become a big tree. I can already see it – like a big tree with many fruits and flowers and many people will be able to sit under its shade and take rest.

No need to be afraid. I understand – the fear comes naturally. It comes naturally because now you have something to lose, hence the fear. It is as if a poor man has suddenly found a diamond. Just a moment before he was completely unafraid because he had nothing to lose. But now he is trembling because he can be robbed. So take more care to Protect and water the understanding that has happened to you. It is very small but with great potential.

And that too is true – that going to the west is going to a totally different atmosphere. But my experience is that a totally different atmosphere gives you challenge. It always helps awareness. It is as if one writes on a blackboard with white chalk. Here you are writing in white chalk on a white wall. In the west it will be a blackboard completely opposite to it. But there is no need to be worried about it. It will enhance your being. It will define you more clearly... it will give you tone and shape and sharpness. And I am coming with you. Come back as soon as possible. I will be waiting....

[An older sannyasin, recently arrived from america, says: I’m aware of great anger sometimes for not much reason. It passes over very quickly, but I was not aware of it before. Perhaps I always had it.... ]

No, it happens after a certain age that polarities change. It is a very subtle process.

Every man has a woman in the unconscious, and every woman has a man in the unconscious.

Consciously you are a woman so you use your woman faculties, but the more you use them, the more exhausted they are. And the unused unconscious remains unexhausted, remains very young and fresh. When the woman part has been used too much, by and by it becomes weaker. And then a moment comes when it is so weak that the unconscious part becomes stronger than it.

In the beginning it was the stronger part – that’s why you were a woman. For example you were seventy percent woman, thirty percent man. The thirty percent was repressed by the seventy percent woman in the unconscious. Continuous use of the woman makes this weaker and weaker and weaker. A moment comes when it fans below thirty percent. Then suddenly the wheel turns and the stronger part takes over. It becomes very strong, and you are surprised because you never knew about it. And the same happens to men. Men become feminine as they grow older.

Somewhere near about the age of forty-nine, at the age of menopause, the balance in woman starts changing. Once monthly periods stop, the balance starts changing. Sooner or later one finds a very new being coming in... strange. One is puzled, confused, because one does not know how to live with this stranger. This stranger has always been there, but it has always been in the basement. It was never part of your household affairs; it has never come up. Now suddenly it comes out of the basement. Not only that – it sits in the drawing room and tries to possess everything. And it is more powerful.

So the only thing is to accept it, watch it; don’t fight with it. Don’t try to repress it. You cannot repress it now. Just become more and more aware of it, and this awareness will bring a totally new attitude.

You will know that you are neither man nor woman. It was also a role to be a woman. Now it is superceded by another role; the rejected part has overcome it. The conquered part has become the conqueror now. But you are neither – that’s why this game is possible.

If you were really a woman, the man cannot take possession of you. You were neither woman nor man. One day it was the woman part which was more powerful; it played the role. Now the other part is trying to play the role. All old women become very masculine. That’s why mothers-in-law are very dangerous, because they are no more feminine.

It is a natural thing that happens. Nothing can be done about it. You only have to be aware. You have to watch and stand aloof and see the whole game. Then a third entity which is neither, becomes clear – that you are just a witnessing self, a witnessing soul.

Man is in the body, woman is in the body. The mind follows shadows, reflections. Deeper in your core, in the very core of your being, you are neither – neither man nor woman. Now that point has to be understood. Once that is understood you can laugh at the whole thing. And once that is understood, the whole power of anger, of hardness, will disappear. You will never become a woman, but you will not be a man either. You will become totally different.

And this is what one really is. This is what religions call transcendence, surpassing. And man is the only animal who is capable of surpassing himself. That’s his beauty – that he can surpass man, woman, this role, that role, good, bad, moral, immoral. He can surpass all, and come to a point where he is only pure consciousness, just a watcher on the hill. So don’t be worried about it – just watch it.

Worrying and getting entangled in it will create much trouble. And as far as I can see, you are looking perfect4 beautiful. Just be happy!

[A french seeker described an experience during dynamic meditation of feeling like a snake and seeing a big eye when he closed his eyes.]

There is nothing to be worried about. The snake is just a symbol of your inner energy that we call kundalini. Both are very beautiful symbols – the eye and the snake.

The snake is your energy that rises in your spine and comes upwards. When it comes up to just between your two eyes, a third eye is generated by it. That is the symbol of the third eye that you saw. Both are beautiful. Both are tremendously significant. You should be glad about it. It rarely happens and so early.

[The seeker then asks: Is it not contradictory to have this kind of experience and to want, at the same time, to be more creative?]

No, not contradictory at all. In fact both are two aspects of the same energy. If your meditative energy is against creativity, then it is not really meditative. With meditation, creativity grows automatically.

and what about sannyas? Feeling some hesitation?...

Your snake will need it! If you are courageous, I am ready. Ready? Close your eyes – because these snakes are very dangerous!

Come here.... Now I will take care of your snake. This will be your name: swami deva nalin.

Deva means divine and nalin means lotus, lotus flower; a divine lotus. That’s what the snake is trying to find out – where the lotus is. The lotus is the last chakra, the seventh centre of consciousness.

We call it sahasrar – a one-thousand-petalled lotus.

Ordinarily it is hanging this way...(bhagwan holds his hand palm downwards, fingers hanging down) upside down, petals downwards. When the snake rises, it hits it, and that hit turns it upward, and then the lotus flowers. This is the ultimate experience – the turning of the lotus. When the lotus is upside down, the energy moves downwards. A man remains sexual, and because the door is closed, the energy can only move downwards. When the snake comes with tremendous force, in the very flood of its energy the lotus turns up. And that is the moment of transformation. Then energy starts going up; it cannot go down. Down is the world, and this lotus up is the other world, the other shore. And the difference is not very much – it is just the lotus upside down or downside up.

[A sannyasin says: Meditation is coming but not as strong as I would like it to come.]

It is never the way you like it, never. One has to learn to like it the way it is. If you have expectations that it should come stronger, you will feel frustrated. Whatsoever happens, you will feel frustrated because your expectations can always be more than is possible in the moment.

Expectation is very imaginary. We go on expecting when we don’t know what is really possible; it is just dream work. That which is going to happen will happen according to your capacity, not accord-ing to your expectation. Do you understand me? So whatsoever happens, one has to be thankful that it has happened. By that thank-fulness your capacity will grow more – and more will happen. But it cannot happen just by your expecting it. Expectations can go to the very end of the world There is no problem, but the problem is of capacity.

One can think to love all the women of the world, but can you? That’s the problem The capacity is limited. Even one woman is more than enough. One can think to eat all that is possible in the world, but can you? A little food is enough. More than that becomes poisonous.

[The sannyasin adds: My only woman is not here; that creates a problem.]

Try to bring her here. She will need me now, otherwise it will be difficult with my sannyasin, [you].

First I change one partner and then the other has to be changed. So I Will use you as a base. Tell her to come.

If you love her, wherever you are, you love. And love is always helpful. It needs no physical presence.

If you love, love grows much in absence.

So just meditate and be loving. And things are going well. Don’t be worried about your expectations.

Drop all your expectations. Whatsoever happens, love it and feel grateful for it. Never expect more

– and more will happen. If you expect more, then even this much will not happen. Even this much will be taken away.

Everything is going well. It is going according to my expectations, not according to yours!

[A sannyasin says she has been successful in life, but regrets that in her business she cannot be open and authentic and loving.]

... Go there, and whatsoever you have been doing, continue to do; don’t change it at all. The change has to be made in the attitude, not in the work. Up to now you were thinking that it was life. From now on think of it as acting; that’s the only change. Go on saying the same things you were saying to people before; whatsoever they expect, go on saying. Do it even more nicely and beautifully because it is just acting.

To be authentic does not mean that you have to be rude to people. To be authentic does not mean that you have to be ugly and nude in the marketplace. To be authentic simply means that you know what is acting and what is real... that you are not deceived by your acting, that’s all. So don’t be deceived by your acting. Do it deliberately – don’t do it unconsciously. Up to now you have been doing it unconsciously because you were thinking this is life. Now you know that this is not life.

So live your life in your inner world and for the outside.... For example when you are talking to children, you talk in their language. It is not inauthentic. It is simply a consideration – that they are children and they will not understand any other language. If you go to a child, you take a toy to him as a gift. You don’t take a very serious book to give him. You take a pictorial book that he can enjoy.

It is a consideration.

When you are working in the world, you have to consider a thousand and one things. Nothing is wrong in that. Just be an actor and think of the world as a big drama. It is a very big stage where everybody is playing roles.

When you go to germany and you start working and you smile when somebody comes – you receive him and you smile – do it deliberately, do it perfectly, because when one is doing it deliberately, one can do it more perfectly than ever. Really give him a good smile – as he has never had before.

When you are giving it and it is just a smile, why be miserly? And you know that it is not coming from the heart, but who is saying that it should come from the heart? All smiles are not needed from the heart. Knowing that it is just on the lips, make it as perfect as possible.

That person is not here to see your heart. The face is enough for him. So what is the point of putting your heart on the table before him? Do it deliberately, so that when you are putting your heart before somebody, you know that it is true, the authentic. It is no more part of the business world. You are not smiling as a commod-ity. And you will know – you have to know what is acting and what is real.

When the real is needed, be real. When acting is needed, act. And there is no need to get confused, otherwise you will miss your whole life.

I am not here to mess up anybody’s life. I am only here to help you to become more skilful. If you are a thief, I say do it with full awareness and consciousness. If your awareness changes it, I am not responsible for it. If by awareness you cannot remain a thief, it is for you to choose. Just choose awareness or choose your old way of sleep. But I am not here to say don’t be a thief. Who am I?

Why should I?

I am simply saying one thing – be aware. And when you become aware, many things which are really harmful will drop. And many things which are just politenesses, mannerisms, which are not harmful at all.... In fact they are very helpful. They function as a lubricating agent, otherwise you will be struggling with everybody and life will become just a constant war.

You have walked on somebody’s toe and you say, ’Sorry.’ You don’t mean it – not even a single thought has crossed your mind of being sorry. You simply say, ’Sorry.’ It is lubricating. He also knows that because he himself is doing the same. But where so many people are walking on each other’s toes, a few mannerisms will be needed. You are not alone. And it is good to learn the mannerisms – but do it deliberately.

Act authentically – that’s what I would like to say to you. When acting, act authentically, that’s all.

CHAPTER 24

20 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin who is an artist, was leaving for a few months to organise some exhibitions for his work. Osho said that his meditation was going well, but into his work he should also try to bring a meditative dimension.... ]

... just paint with the idea that if somebody looks at the painting, he feels awe, reverence, silence.

The basic idea should be what happens to the person who is looking at the painting. If he becomes a little meditative just watching it, then you have created a beautiful thing in the world, something very creative.

A painting can do many things. A painting can create sexuality in people. That’s why so much pornography has appeal. It can give a sexual fantasy. When a painting can give sexual fantasies, then why cannot painting give meditative ecstasy? It can. You just have to think about certain combinations of colours, forms, which make a person meditative. Just keep it in mind and go on working on it. Soon you will be able to discover ways.

Just as there is music which makes people sexual, there is music which makes people very spiritual.

There is music which brings you very low, to animal instincts, and there is music which makes you soar very high – to heights which you have not known before, to new altitudes of being. Just a certain combination of sounds makes all the difference. The same can be done through colour, through form. The same can be done through words, poetry. The same can be done through dance.

The dancer can dance in such a way that the people who are looking at the dancer suddenly start soaring high. They leave their general locus at the sex centre and start moving towards a higher centre.

This is what gurdjieff calls objective art – when the art is not just an amusement, not a decorative piece, not just part of the interior decoration of the house, but creates something in the beholder, something which was not there before. Just listening to a song or listening to certain music, or looking at a certain painting, a person is simply no more the same as he was before.

So a painting can be just a decoration, or a painting can be just an amusement, entertainment. A painting can be just interesting or a painting can be just photography, very realistic. A painting can be sexual, erotic. A painting can be spiritual. And I don’t mean when I say spiritual, that if you paint krishna it is going to be spiritual; not necessarily. If you paint jesus it is not necessarily spiritual; that is not the point. You can paint a tree and it can become spiritual, and you can paint a jesus and it may not be spiritual at all.

Ninety-nine percent of paintings of jesus are not spiritual at all, but pathological. They don’t give you gladness. They don’t give you euphoria. They don’t give you a feeling of the divine. Rather they give you the feeling of sadness, death, the cross; of torture, murder, justice. You cannot find a more tragic figure than jesus – just thirty-three years old; has not even known yet the climax of youth –

being crucified. He had not known all the seasons of life. He was yet young – and crucified for no reason. Looking at a jesus’ painting, one gets the feeling that the world is injust, that god cannot be just.

Even an innocent man like jesus had to cry at the last point, ’Why have you forsaken me? Why do I have to suffer all this?’ Even his own faith is forsaken. Even his own idea that god is just and compassionate is forsaken. Ninety-nine percent of paintings of jesus have that feeling: ’Why have you forsaken me?’ They don’t give proof of god. In fact they give proof that god may be absent or may be uncaring.

On the one hand christians go on saying that jesus is the only begotten son, and on another hand the begotten son cries at the last moment, ’Why have you forsaken me?’ In that moment he must have felt that there is no presence of god anywhere. ’What is happening to me? – and for no reason at all?’

That gloomy tragic scene has continued, and people have been painting it. Those paintings are not spiritual, because they can make you sad, they can make you anti-life. They can prepare you to renounce life, but they cannot prepare you to live life in such a way that your very life becomes an argument for god, that your very life becomes a syllogism for god... that your whole life becomes a poem in which everywhere god’s presence can be felt... that your whole life becomes a materialisation of god.

A spiritual painting is that painting which creates in the beholder the sense of the mysterious, the sense of awe. A tremor goes up the spine, and one is simply aware for a few moments at least, that god is present in the world, that he has not forsaken it, that he cannot forsake it. How can he forsake it? Even if for a single moment you can give a glimpse of the divine and its presence, then your painting becomes an objective art. So just go on thinking along those lines.

[A sannyasin returning to the west says: It doesn’t happen here, but at home by the end of the week I feel very tired. Sometimes I can’t even stand.]

I understand. Do one thing. Every night before you go to sleep, just sit in the bed and imagine an aura around your body, just six inches away from your body, the same shape as the body, surrounding you, protecting you. It will become a shield. Just do it for four, five minutes, and then, still feeling it, go to sleep. Fall into sleep imagining that aura like a blanket around you which protects you so that no tension can enter from the outside, no thought can enter from the outside; no outside vibrations can enter you. Just feeling that aura, fall asleep.

This has to be done the last thing at night. After it, simply go to sleep so the feeling continues in your unconscious. That is the whole thing. The whole mechanism is that you start by consciously imagining, then you start falling asleep. By and by when you are on the threshold of sleep, a little imagination continues, lingers on. You fall asleep but that little imagination enters the unconscious.

That becomes a tremendous force and energy.

I don’t see that the problem is within you. The problem is coming from the outside. You don’t have a protective aura. It happens to many people, because we don’t know how to protect ourselves from others. Others are not only there – they are broadcasting their being continuously in subtle vibrations. If a tense person passes by you, he is simply throwing arrows of tension all around –

not particularly addressed to you; he is simply throwing. And he is unconscious; he is not doing it to anybody knowingly. He has to throw it because he is too burdened. He will go mad if he doesn’t throw it. It is not that he has decided to throw it. It is overflowing. It is too much and he cannot contain it, so it goes on overflowing.

Somebody passes by you and he goes on throwing something at you. If you are receptive and you don’t have a protective aura.... And meditation makes one receptive, very receptive. So when you are alone, it is good. When you are surrounded by meditative people, very good. But when you are in the world, in the marketplace, and people are not meditative but are very tense, anxious, have a thousand and one strains on their mind, then you just start getting them. And you are vulnerable.

Meditation makes one very soft, so whatsoever comes, enters.

After meditation one has to create a protective aura.

Sometimes it happens automatically,

sometimes it doesn’t. It is not happening automatically to you, so you have to work for it. It will be coming within three months. Any time between three weeks and three months, you will start feeling very very powerful. So in the night, fall asleep thinking this way.

In the morning the first thought has to be again this. The moment you remember that now sleep Is gone, don’t open your eyes. Just feel your aura all over the body protecting you. Do it for four, five minutes again, and then get up. When you are taking your bath and your tea, go on remembering it.

Then in the daytime also whenever you feel you have time – sitting in a car or a train, or in the office doing nothing – just again relax into it. For a single moment feel it again.

Between three weeks and three months you will start feeling it almost like a solid thing. It will surround you and you will be able to feel that you can now pass amidst a crowd and you will remain unaffected, untouched. It will make you tremendously happy because now only your problems will be your problems, nobody else’s.

It is very easy to solve one’s own problems because they are one’s own. It is very difficult when you go on getting others’ problems; then you cannot solve them, because in the first place they don’t belong to you. Many people come to me and they say they had some problem but suddenly here it is gone. It was never their problem – otherwise it cannot go. It must have been somebody else’s.

They must have been step-fathering it, fostering it. It must have entered from somebody else’s mind.

But people are so unaware that they don’t know what is theirs and what is the others. Everything goes on getting into a mess.

You don’t have many problems, and you will be able to solve your problems; that is not a big thing.

This time try to create a protective aura – and you will be able to see it and its function. You will see that you are completely protected. Wherever you go, things will be coming to you but they will be returned; they will not touch you.

[A visitor says: I find it difficult to just surrender myself to the meditations, just to let myself go soft.

... I love you, and can you give me sannyas?]

Mm, but to surrender is so difficult for you? Sannyas means surrender. The very word sannyas comes from two roots – san and yas. an means perfect and yas means surrender. Sannyas – the very word – means perfect surrender.

But if you are ready to take the jump, I am always ready. Close your eyes and just feel me.... (Osho places the mala round his neck.)

Surrender will be coming. You just have to cooperate with the coming possibility. Allow it to happen.

Surrender is not a difficult thing; we make it difficult. Otherwise it is the easiest thing possible. To fight is difficult. To surrender is simple.

And in fact all that is significant happens through surrender, is continuously happening through surrender. You go on breathing, it a surrender. You are not doing it. You are not needed to do it. It is surrender to life. You breathe out – you trust that it will come back. If you don’t trust you will not breathe out, you will be afraid. In the night you go to sleep. You trust that in the morning you will get up. Who knows? If you are really sceptical.... A real person of doubt should not go to sleep because who knows? – in the morning he may not be able to get up again. You eat food in deep trust that it will be digested.

In fact all that is significant and basic to life goes on happening through surrender. We fight only in futile things. Politics we fight. These so-called religions we fight. Ideologies we fight. But deep down look into each human being – everybody is living in surrender. Only on the surface for a few non-essential things, we go on creating conflict; otherwise there is none.

If you understand, surrender is the easiest thing, because you have not to do it; that is the easiness of it. You cannot do it, because all that you will do will never be a surrender. You have simply to allow it. You have simply to relax, to receive it. You have to be passive. You need not be active about it.

Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24