صدقاتكم وشكركم الحقيقي

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AWAKENING THE GODDESS

The valley spirit never dies;

It is the woman, primal mother.

Her gateway is the root of heaven and earth . . .

LAO TSU, Tao Te Ching, number 6

In the last chapter we noted that tantric books describe our age as the end of the Kali Yuga, or Age of Darkness, a period that began more than two thousand years ago. The Kali Yuga has been marked by corruption and difficulty, and, according to the tantric texts, it has been an era during which female power has been suppressed. Metaphorically, the Hindu Goddess Shakti, who represents the female principle, has lain sleeping for over two millennia. There are various theories about the Goddess’s slumber. One explanation is that man became frightened by the intensity of woman’s shakti, or energetic power, and by what she was capable of—creation, for one thing—so he maneuvered her into a subordinate position in order to suppress that power.

While historians differ as to the exact date when the Kali Yuga began, many authorities believe it was in the third and fourth centuries B.C., at about the same time that Taoism reached its apogee in China and Confucianism was gaining new popularity. What had been a fairly egalitarian political and social system in China began to change. Whereas previously emperor and empress had ruled as equals, now the emperor alone was sovereign. Similarly, in Taoist tantric lovemaking the man began to assume a new role. Where the original tantric techniques required an equal exchange between man and woman of positive and negative energies, of yang and yin, the beginning of the Age of Darkness found the man using his consort’s energies for his own resources and longevity, without regard to her replenishment. No wonder the Goddess preferred to sleep.

Even earlier, in India, a similar male domination prevailed after the country was defeated by warrior tribes whose influence overwhelmed the predominantly matriarchal society. And so that force we call the shakti, which is personified by the Goddess, fell out of power and into the realm of dreams.

DAWN OF A NEW AGE

Now, as we stand on the cusp of a New Age, which Tantra calls Satya Yuga, the Age of Truth, we see the female fires beginning to glow again. We believe that the Goddess began her reawakening in the 1960s, during the period we know as the Sexual Revolution, and that she is still in the early stretching stages of waking up. Women’s interest in physical fitness, in exercise and health, in self-improvement can be viewed as a literal manifestation of this stretching. Their expansion into business, politics, and spiritual pursuits is also a demonstration of their emergence as a new force in the modern world.

In fact, what we call the Women’s Movement can be perceived as a dramatic play, an acting out of the Goddess awakening. It is movement up out of the subconscious. It is movement into the world. She opens her eyes. She shakes the Age of Darkness from her as she shakes off the dreams of centuries. Soon she will step out into the light, and her radiance will illuminate all humankind. When this happens, when women awake from their slumber and their enormous orgasmic energy is released to the world, we will have attained the New Age, the Age of Truth. For women themselves the difference will be as profound as the difference between night and day.

Of course it’s one thing to talk metaphorically, and quite another to speak in terms of reality. In reality this business of the Goddess awakening isn’t such a simple thing. During two thousand and more years of suppression, women’s fire has grown cold. Now suddenly it’s the “New Age” and women are supposed to be more evolved on many levels, particularly on the sexual level. Not only are women expected to be having fabulous orgasms, they are also supposed to be experiencing multiple ones. It’s enough to make anyone a little nervous, especially women who don’t feel orgasms easily. “That’s all well and good for the Goddess,” a modern woman might say, “but what about me?”

The fact is, both men and women have to be taught how to rekindle the woman’s dormant sexual energy. In the old days, Tantricas were tutored by teachers in the art of love, as well as the sixty-four other arts and sciences a disciple of Tantra was expected to know. Today, men and women can learn to teach each other, and Tantra can help them. They might consider Tantra as a kind of extension course—a master class in love and relationship. In this continuing education they guide each other, and the experience can be extremely powerful. For when a woman’s fire is rekindled after such a long time, and tended, and fed by her most intimate partner, the benefits to both can be manifold. But for women, especially, the rekindling of dormant sexual fires can lead to startling, unexpected sensations. A woman’s sexual awakening can, unlike a man’s, propel her on a spiritual path. Men may practice celibacy and achieve spiritual enlightenment, but according to the tantric texts women’s enlightenment is facilitated by the electric charge of her orgasmic nature. Through sexual sharing a woman activates a powerful sexual/spiritual energy, her shakti, which then releases itself into her physical body and into her psyche, creating the atmosphere for her awakening and spiritual enlightenment. Tantra recognizes spirituality as a kind of rearrangement of the same energy as sexuality, so when a woman increases her sexual power she adds, on an almost cellular level, to the strength of her spiritual aspect as well.

Once a woman is awakened, both partners benefit. The woman’s pleasure and her desire for lovemaking increase and can even be greater than the pleasure potential and sexual desire in the man. Tantric lovemaking promotes health and vitality, and both the man and the woman benefit physically. Psychologically, too, Tantra is a healing art. We’ve discussed the various negative charges that can be associated with the second chakra, the energy center for the genitals—negative associations that can come from information our parents may have passed along, from our own hurtful past experiences, or from embarrassments we learned somewhere along our own particular path. Tantric practices can discharge the negative power infusing the second chakra, and in so doing make enormous resources of positive energy available to all areas of life, not just the sexual. You will discover an energy you never knew you had, a creative energy that will refresh your mind, replenish your stamina, and restore your enthusiasm.

FIVE LEVELS OF ORGASMIC EXPERIENCE

When her sexual resources have been awakened and her passion fired, a woman can come to an orgasm in a minute or two if she so desires. Multiple orgasms are no longer a mere myth to her, and she discovers that her sexual energy (not the Goddess’s sexual energy, but her own) is limitless.

We can identify five levels of orgasmic activity in women, beginning with the zero or preorgasmic level, which includes women who have never experienced an orgasm at all, as well as those who aren’t sure. Women on this level may not have had the experience of making love, or perhaps they have never masturbated or have not been able to masturbate to climax. Perhaps they are sexually active but suffer a psychological block due to negative associations or previous incompatibilities. Or they may have been indoctrinated with the belief that nice girls shouldn’t enjoy sex; or perhaps they are simply afraid of “losing control.”

The second level, which we call sometimes orgasmic, can be much more frustrating than the preorgasmic level. To have experienced the feeling of an orgasm and not be able to call it up, not to have access to one’s own power, can be intensely upsetting.

Next there is the third orgasmic level. These women do have access to that potent energy. They have experienced orgasms and they know which positions and which combination of kisses and touches will induce it. And that’s where women on this level are content to stop. “I’ve had my orgasm, dearest, and you’ve had yours. I love you. Good night.”

Then there is the fourth level, multiple orgasms, like fireworks on the Fourth of July—there is that much color and intensity—a chain of pleasure possibility beyond the orgasmic stratosphere.

Beyond this is a fifth level, which sexologists call extended orgasm and Tantricas know as the Wave of Bliss. This is a level of arousal that grows in intensity and can last ten or twenty minutes or even longer. The tantric writings describe Shakti’s achieving seven peaks of ecstasy, each peak higher, stronger, more powerful than the one preceding, until at the topmost place she releases her nectar, her amrita, the female ejaculate.

This is not a fairy tale. Every woman has such potential, but she must desire to awaken it, and she must desire it for herself first, not for her partner or his satisfaction.

ANATOMY OF A GODDESS: A WOMAN’S TWO PLEASURE POLES

There has been a highly publicized debate recently about the existence of the Grafenberg Spot, or g spot. Freud started it, even before Mr. G, with his assertion that a clitoral orgasm is an immature orgasm, which suggests that there must be such a thing as a “mature” orgasm, achieved otherwise than through the clitoris. Psychologists went along with this theory for a while, defining two separate areas for the female orgasm, the clitoris and the vagina. Then in the 1960s, William Masters and Virginia Johnson, considered gurus in the field of sexology, superseded Freud’s unfortunate phrase, maintaining that in fact the vaginal orgasm was a myth. Female orgasm is achieved by stimulating the clitoris, they said, and that’s all. There are stronger orgasms and weaker ones, but they all come from the same source. Today, many researchers dispute the Masters and Johnson theory. John Perry and Beverly Whipple, for example, agree that the clitoris is one point that may be stimulated to trigger a woman’s orgasm, but they assert that it is not the only point.

Tantricas do not engage in this debate. They have known since Shiva pronounced it in the sacred books that inside a woman lie two sensitive poles, or charged spots, the northern or forward pole, which is the clitoris, and the deeper southern pole, called the sacred spot, which is the same as the g spot.

As we have noted, the tantric texts were written as a dialogue between the Hindu God Shiva and his beloved Shakti. Perhaps because they are deities in the Hindu tradition, not bound by human inhibitions, Shiva and Shakti are able to speak openly to one another about very intimate things—things that we poor mortals find difficult to discuss. Things, in fact, that we may believe we should not discuss.

We are a little embarrassed by sex. Some of us are a lot embarrassed. We blush about it. We lower our eyes. Even the vocabulary we have for sex and for our sexual organs is embarrassing—too clinical, too slangy, or too crude. Compare, for example, such eastern designations for the male organ as Jade Stalk and Scepter of Light, to our western monikers “pecker,”“prick,” and “wang”; compare Precious Gateway, Golden Doorway, and Flower Heart to “hole.”

Obviously we cannot communicate without words, particularly in a book. And if the only words we have to communicate with are charged with negative, infantile, or derogatory innuendo, and what we have to communicate is a positive, enriching, and laudatory message, it seems we have a problem. We have attempted to solve this problem by adding a few new words to the language of love.

Actually they are old words, Sanskrit words, the same ones Shiva and Shakti used in their “pillow talk.” We use the word lingam for the male sexual organ; it literally means a wand of light, or God’s organ. We use the word yoni to describe the female genitalia; it translates literally as “sacred space.” Because these are new words to most of us in the West, they don’t have a history, and they don’t automatically touch off a conditioned response. We haven’t heard them used in nasty jokes, for instance, and mother never said, “Girl, don’t touch your yoni!” They are softer words, too, on the tongue and to the ear. They need some getting used to, but it doesn’t take long. In a very short time, most of the couples who attend our seminars find they are more comfortable using these words than those they may have used in the past. Many couples adopt these new words and take them home; the words become another intimate connection between them, their own private “twilight” language. We hope that you, too, will become familiar with these words as we continue to use them in describing the sexual nature of Tantra.

THE JEWEL IN THE CROWN

The clitoris sits like a bell or a jewel in the topmost part of the yoni. It is the only organ in the body whose sole function is to generate pleasure. Although the tip of the clitoris is tiny in most women, it has a shaft that may extend an inch deep into the crown wall of the yoni. If the mood is right, stimulating the tip and the shaft (which becomes palpably erect when excited) with fingers or mouth or lingam can usually arouse a woman to an orgasm. During intercourse, either the man or the woman herself can stimulate this area while he is inside her. Or one of them can use the lingam as a wand, holding it around the shaft and manipulating it over and around the clitoris, but not penetrating any deeper than one inch. (These techniques are described in detail in Chapter Ten.)

Learning the right touch is important. Overstimulation can short-circuit a woman’s building energy. The right touch is something a woman can learn by herself, however, and pass on to her lover, by stroking or pressing or rubbing the jewellike tip and shaft of her own clitoris. Remember that it is not just the clitoris, but the whole first inch of the yoni that is extremely sensitive. Great love and attention are given to this electrical first inch by Tantricas when they perform the rituals known as “Honoring the Yoni,” for Tantricas respect the clitoris as the gateway to the chamber that is the source of all life. (See Chapter Nine for a description of the tantric rituals for honoring the yoni and the lingam.)

THE SACRED SPOT

This energetic access spot is the other pole for sexual fulfillment in women. Deep inside, protected as the clitoris is not, it is a place that can produce the most profound pleasure, both physically and on a psychic level. But because it is so deep inside and so well hidden, it is often a receptacle for storing all manner of hurtful things associated with sexuality. If that is the case, the spot’s negative charge can be shocking—and it is important to know this when you begin the process of arousing it. If a woman has had painful experiences with sex, physical or emotional, her first contact with the spot may be unpleasant, even painful, in the way a bruise hurts when you put pressure on it. If she perseveres, however, if she and her loved one go slowly and love tenderly, the sore spot inside her will heal, and with it her past wounds; and in healing herself in this way a woman can awaken a power she has never known. This power can illuminate life in all areas, and can provide access to the tantric Wave of Bliss. It is the power of the Goddess Shakti, the power of Tantra, and it can be yours.

HOW TO FIND THE SACRED SPOT

Finding the sacred spot requires a touch that often is difficult for a woman to accomplish alone. She may find a position in which she can just about reach her own sacred spot, but it will be awkward, and she probably won’t be able to do much more than locate it, if that. It will be very difficult for her to stimulate or massage it, which one must do to access its healing power and its sexual and spiritual potential. A few women who’ve attended our seminars tell us they’ve been able to locate the spot themselves by squatting and pressing up toward the navel with two fingers from inside, while pressing down just above the pubic bone with the other hand. If a woman can manage to stimulate or massage the area the spot will swell, which may make it palpable between the two sets of fingers. For most women, though, this part of their awakening process requires the loving touch of a partner. And he should be prepared to respect the vulnerable nature of the spot, both physically and psychologically. It is most important that couples approach this moment together in harmony. For initiates, both men and women, it’s a little scary; it’s an intimate connection of a new kind. Use the tools we’ve described for creating harmony between you and your lover, for example, the nurturing meditation and the breathing and mind-focusing techniques, so that the two of you become physically at ease and in sync with one another.

At this point in our seminars we divide the men and women into separate groups, and in this somewhat safer-feeling environment we talk about the process of finding the sacred spot: where it is located, how to approach it, how it may feel. We use this time, too, to talk about our personal experiences and to share our difficulties and to learn from one another. This separate-by-sex congregation is a kind of tribal gathering of initiates before a ritual. We speak openly. We aren’t there to impress one another. The conversation is anything but locker room. Charles leads the men in a discussion of their role in the discovery of the sacred spot. He explains that they will be assuming the role of healer, and that for the moment this will take precedence over their role as lover. He stresses that psychic hurts often reside inside a woman’s vagina, and that she may respond emotionally, even violently, when they are awakened and remembered, which may well happen when the spot is touched. As the healing partner in this case, the man must be there for the woman one hundred percent. He must accept her emotions, even her anger, understanding that they are the expressions of ghosts; that the past is spinning out of her; that the room full of her preconceptions is emptying.

Caroline discusses with the women some of the emotions they may expect to feel when the sacred spot is touched for the first time, but she emphasizes that it can be a profound, moving, and intimate experience. She explains that it can be an extraordinary psychological breakthrough for some women, as well as an experience of pure pleasure, a phenomenal new kind of orgasmic ecstasy.

Before beginning, the woman should empty her bladder. The sacred spot lies close to the bladder, and its stimulation may feel at first like the need to urinate. She can lie on her back, with her legs raised so that the back of one or both of her thighs rests against her lover’s chest, or with her feet on the mattress while her lover kneels beside her. She can place a pillow under her buttocks for support and comfort. The vagina should be well lubricated.

The first few times you experiment with this, the man should begin by using only one finger to make contact—specifically, the ring finger, which is said to have a harmonic affinity with the second chakra, and which is smaller than the index or middle finger. Slip the finger in gently, and then curl it so the pad of the fingertip touches the ceiling of the yoni. Using the crooked-finger “come here” gesture, slowly pull the finger forward along the ceiling toward the front of the yoni, as if you were returning to the clitoris. Somewhere in this forward stroke—usually about halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the clitoris, in the area of the front wall toward the opening—both lovers will distinguish the spot.

The heart of the sacred spot does not actually lie on the wall, but can be felt through it. Its texture is different from the smooth silky tissue around it; it is tougher, and ridged or bumpy, like the areola of the nipple when it is aroused, or the palate of the mouth. The size of the sacred spot varies from a pea to a half dollar, and it swells when it’s stimulated, rising slightly in the middle.

The lover’s ring finger or the ring and middle fingers provide the easiest and most comfortable access to the sacred spot, with the other fingers resting lightly against the labia minora and the heel of the hand in a position to exert a light pressure against the clitoris, stimulating it slightly. Or the thumb can rest against the clitoris, if the lover is using his index and/or middle finger to touch the sacred spot.

AWAKENING THE SACRED SPOT

As mentioned earlier, the first few times the sacred spot is touched can be a little frightening for some women; some may even experience pain. Many women also feel as if they need to urinate, even though they have just emptied the bladder. This feeling lasts only a short while, however, from ten to forty seconds or so, after which the sensation usually changes to one of powerful sexual pleasure. But this may not happen right away; it can take weeks or even months of healing before this great pleasure is experienced. Sometimes a woman will feel a pleasant sensation the first few times the sacred spot is touched, but it will suddenly disappear; the spot can become too sensitive, so that any pressure at all is too much. The man must maintain close contact with his beloved on a conscious, emotional level, so that he can be immediately responsive to her feelings. He must lighten his touch or withdraw if need be, until she can tolerate more. Each time a couple engages in this very intimate touching, the woman’s tolerance will extend and her potential for pleasure will increase. The sacred spot can usually take more intense stimulation for longer periods than the clitoris can. In the beginning, though, the man must be extremely gentle. His goal should be to charge the sacred spot with positive power, to heal any negative residue; his only aim should be to afford her a pleasurable and healing touch. He should not think about orgasm now, but about healing. The woman should try not to think at all; she should concentrate on feeling, her mind receptive and quiet. For her this is a sensory rather than a cerebral pursuit.

Once the man has found the spot he should stop, the fingers of one hand quiet in their position inside the yoni, while the other hand exerts light pressure on the clitoris, or rests between the woman’s breasts, over the heart chakra, or presses just above the pubic bone, which can cause a pleasurable pressure on the sacred spot from above. In this quiet moment, the lovers should maintain eye contact and breathe together.

After a moment or two the man should gently stroke the sacred spot for about two minutes; then he should stop again and be still. He can apply more stimulation to the clitoris at this point, but he must remember that stimulation of both power poles at once is almost always too much for the beginner. Alternating one with the other, maintaining a balance of stillness with movement, and focusing attention on his partner’s pleasure will produce deep sensations. This cycle should be repeated for several rounds. The number of rounds can be gradually increased over time.

The exotic mudras described in Chapter Ten can also be used to great advantage during the massage of the sacred spot. The combination of these elements—concentration, focusing the mind on the partner’s pleasure, and balancing stillness with movement—is one way of practicing love as meditation.

The sacred spot may also be accessed anally; with lots of lubrication some women find this most pleasurable. The lover must be sure to use a separate hand or separate finger for this kind of lovemaking, as it is important not to introduce bacteria from the anus into the yoni.

For the woman, the reviving of the sacred spot is an exercise in expanding her feelings. She will be able to tell just how much feeling she is ready to experience or accept, and she will be able to watch that quantity grow as she and her partner continue the technique over a period of months. The man must be careful not to get carried away. Seeing his beloved beginning to respond pleasurably to his arousal, he may go too far, become too yang (too active, or fast, or hard), and may inadvertently short-circuit her growing energy. During this period of awakening, treat this loveplay as an intimate meditation rather than as an orgasmic opportunity. When the sacred spot has become fully alive its tenderness will turn to passion, and then its potential for pleasure will be easily accessed and easily fulfilled.

NECTAR OF THE GODDESS

When the sacred spot is fully awakened, when it is free of negative influences, then the Goddess and her mortal sisters are able to experience an extraordinary elevation in orgasmic potential, enjoying multiple as well as extended orgasms. Women with this kind of sexual facility may also experience the release of a light liquid, which modern sexologists have likened to a man’s ejaculation, and which Tantra calls the amrita, or divine nectar. A woman may perceive a kind of joyful explosion of energy when it occurs, but this experience is quite different from male ejaculation. The nectar is produced once the sacred spot has been activated, but it need not rely on stimulation of the spot to occur. In fact, the release may occur to a powerfully orgasmic woman without her even having an orgasm, and it may happen in situations other than sexual ones.

In our seminars we have met women who produce the amrita during episodes of profound laughter. You have heard the expression “losing it,” applied to uncontrolled laughter. And you have probably seen someone actually “cry” with laughter. In such situations, the nectar can flow. Aerobic exercise can also produce the kind of energy that triggers the release. The experience is similar to a physical surrender. We say a woman loses control—to laughter, to energy, to love, to joy—when the amrita is released, but really she is becoming one with the laughter, she is becoming the energy, the love, the joy. And in this she is gaining the essence of these ecstatic feelings, not losing it at all.

Biologically, the fluid appears to originate in one of the Bartholin’s glands, which lie on either side of the lower part of the vagina. It is a very light, clear or slightly milky liquid, which can be almost astringent in nature, and evaporates quickly. It may have a very pale flavor, from nearly sweet to slightly bitter, or no taste at all. Since it is expelled from the urethra, the first several drops may have the slightly salty taste of urine.

The amrita is considered highly nutritious, according to tantric texts, and seems to impart its nutrition both physically and psychically. A tiny taste will almost immediately cause a genuine power surge. And both lovers will experience a resonating energy in its presence.

What’s most amazing about the amrita is the quantity of it; a woman may produce as much as a cupful at a time, and she may “ejaculate” several times in the course of one loving meditation with her partner. Tantra describes the female power or shakti as limitless; this liquid demonstration of it appears to affirm this. The release of the nectar often produces a dramatic effect. If the woman releases her fluid while her lover is outside of her, it may burst from her in a fine mist, or explode like a fountain, high into the air—up to six feet high! If her lover is inside of her, the nectar will drench his lingam in an incredible energetic bath.

Every woman has the potential for experiencing the outpouring of her amrita, but it is not possible to try to experience it or to practice proficiency at it. The only “exercise” that can be used to encourage or activate it, beyond learning to surrender oneself to a deep happiness that may or may not be sexual, is regular loving massage of the sacred spot. Even women for whom the amrita occurs occasionally cannot consciously influence it. When it happens it is a gift, inspirational and divine.

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Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving