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By my inner firmness I have caused my seed to remain stationary in the middle of the Lingam. Thus it is always fruitful, ever ready. This is the power of self-transcendence.

SKANDA PURANDA, quoted in Sexual Secrets: The Alchemy of Ecstasy


In our western culture, sex education rarely consists of more than general information on how babies are made and very basic instruction on how to protect against disease and unwanted pregnancy. Much of the other knowledge we pick up about sex comes from movies, magazines, friends, parentsand, given the sources, much of it must be considered suspect. Eventually we gain some hands-on experience, usually with another fairly uneducated partner. Experienced maybe, if we look only at the total number of sexual encounters, but probably inexperienced and uneducated in sexual intimacy, sexual techniques, and sexual potential.

One of the greatest areas of misinformation concerns the purpose of sex, its goal. Most westerners, especially men, believe that the whole point of sex is ejaculation. Many women also believe this; they may not have an orgasm themselves, but they believe their men should. Besides, a mans ejaculation signals that hes finished; too often a woman prefers that this happen sooner than later.

For Tantricas, on the other hand, the purpose of sex is the conscious creation of harmony and physical well-being, the buildup of sexual energy, and the transcendence to spiritual levels of consciousness. This is not to say that they deprive themselves of ecstasy; quite the contrary. Sexual ecstasy contributes to the preservation and perpetuation of tantric love and partnership; and sexual energy is one of the ways that tantric practitioners achieve spiritual growth.

Tantric lovers experience more exciting, more orgasmic, more sexual loving than other lovers do. There are a couple of reasons for this. One is that part of their ritual for lovemaking, the conscious creation of harmony through meditation and communication on very deep levels, creates an environment in which sex and love thrive. Another reason for the extraordinary sexual stamina of the Tantricas, the frequency of engagement and the depth and length of their enjoyment, is the practice of male ejaculatory control.

Techniques for controlling ejaculation are described in great detail in the tantric texts, but the concept is practically a foreign one in our culture. From the time a boy enters puberty, when his second chakra first begins to release its powerful current of sexual energy, hes pretty much controlled by sex, not the other way around. And in the beginning there doesnt seem to be much reason for concern. A boy in his teens can masturbate like crazy and not experience any problems, no physical problems anyway. Hair doesnt grow on his palms, he isnt depleted of energy, he can do it again in a flash. His semen seems inexhaustible. Of course, if he has been taught that masturbation is a sin, as some boys are, he may suffer psychologically for his pleasure, receiving perhaps his first negatively charged block to sexual expression.

However, as a man ages, his sexual energy appears to diminish somewhat. A twenty-five-year-old male is nowhere near as sexually obsessed as he was at fifteen. By forty, some men begin to experience what they may think are normal signs of aging: It takes longer to get an erection, longer to reach an orgasm; force and volume of the ejaculation are less than they used to be; and after a man has come, the refractory period, before he can ejaculate again, increases. Some middle-aged men require twelve to twenty-four hours before they are able to get an erection again after ejaculating.

The tantric view of these symptoms is that they are not normal signs of age but rather signs of the second chakras depletion, a result, Tantricas believe, of the too-frequent expulsion of the life essence contained in a mans semen. Consciously controlling the ejaculation of that essence is the solution to such problems.

Consider this analogy: A boy inherits a trust fund when hes twelve or thirteen. Its quite a tidy sumto a youngster it seems a fortuneso hes not shy about spending some of it, even lots of it, even frivolously. Nobody talks to him about saving any of it, or investing; or if they do, the advice isnt particularly appreciated. If the boy continues to squander his trust by spending its principal, eventually, by old age, maybe even by middle age, hes likely to find his trust bankrupt.

Tantric lovers make a conscious decision to nurture and thereby increase their sexual trust. They invest it in a kind of mutual fund; they accumulate interest on it and redeposit their interest to assure its growth. And this yields them the most valuable kind of wealthincreased sexual energy well into old age.

Because it is such a foreign idea, this aspect of tantric lovemaking encounters considerable skepticism in the West. While westerners easily accept some pretty far-out conceptsmystical sciences and theories, for example, such as astrology or the power of crystalsthey are unbelievably resistant to the possibility of sex without ejaculation. The only way we are successful in convincing people about the value of ejaculatory control is by getting them to try it, and in this way gather data about its many benefits firsthand.

But before we get into the benefits, let us say that when we urge ejaculatory control, we dont mean to suggest that a man should never have orgasms. Tantric sex distinguishes between the experiences of orgasm and of ejaculation, which is also a fairly revolutionary idea for westerners, who usually think of the two as one. Tantra defines orgasm as the internal experience of explosive sexual climax, and ejaculation as the external expression of itthe losing of orgasmic energy, in a way, the releasing or letting go of it into the external environment. With extended practice, ejaculatory control allows a man to separate orgasm and ejaculation, allows him to keep his orgasm inside, and enjoy it in its circuit through his body. He can learn how to direct it and extend it and make it last for many minutes; and in so doing, he can enjoy and assimilate a much higher degree of energy than he would experience from an orgasm that is immediately released. Youll see the difference in just a few loving sessions, using the techniques well describe.

Also, when we encourage ejaculatory control, we dont mean that a man should never ejaculate. What were talking about is control, establishing a choice about whether or not to ejaculate. In other words, once a man has control over his ejaculation, he will no longer be led around by his lingamhe will be in charge. This is an empowering realization for a man, with far-reaching influence in all other areas of his life.

We ask now that our male readers think for a minute about how they feel after an orgasm. Youre about as relaxed as you ever get, right? Youre so relaxed, in fact, that the next step is unconsciousness. Frequently, thats exactly the state a man assumes within minutes after an ejaculation. This is not the same experience a woman has after orgasmnot even if she has released her amrita, the near-equivalent of a mans ejaculation. Women are energized by orgasmic love; men are temporarily wiped out. This has to do with the kind of energy each releases in orgasm.

For a woman, the shakti consists of yin, or negatively charged, energynegative in the polar or magnetic sense. The mans sexual energy is the opposite; it is yang, or positively-charged, energy in the magnetic sense. When a woman discharges her negative energetic field in love, she is lightened by its release and raised up by it. Having changed her balance of energy by releasing a quantity of yin, she is more yang, especially if she has received some of her lovers yang energy, in which case shes positively buzzing. On the other hand, when the man discharges his positive, or yang, energy, he is depleted rather than lightened, left with a deficit of yang, which is the energetic essence of his masculine aspect. Maybe its just as well that he goes to sleephes not really himself in this condition.

There are ways of retrieving a good measure of the energy that the ejaculate carries away from a man along with his sperm, and we will describe some of them in Chapter Eight; but for now, lets focus on how to keep and build yang energy by consciously taking control of it. Ejaculatory control is one of the ultimate expressions of conscious loving.



When a man learns the techniques for containing his ejaculate, he is able to make love for extended periods of timein fact, for as long as he chooses. The benefits that result from this are manifold. Longer periods of lovemaking mean more intimate sexual play, more time for communion through intercourse, more of those electric feelings of arousal and desire and supersensitivity and pleasure. This staying power is particularly meaningful for Tantricas, because the sexual experience is also a spiritual experience.

The longer a man engages in lovemaking, the greater his buildup of sexual energy and the sharper its yang element. This results in far more powerful orgasms than if he had been aroused and making love for only ten minutes or so. And if he chooses to come, having held his ejaculate back for an extended lovemaking session, the release is far more explosive.

Perhaps even more significant than his own orgasmic potential in extended love is the potential it provides the woman, whose energy is usually aroused more slowly. The man who is not rushed in love and who has no personal ejaculatory intention or goal lurking in the shadows of his consciousness during sex, loves, and experiences the act of love, differently.

Frankly, before a man understands and is capable of this control, lovemaking often has more to do with his own perceived physical need for release than it does with love. Ejaculatory control is an important step in elevating sex to the art of love. Dont be surprised if you fall in love with your partner all over again when you use this technique in your lovemaking. Both men and women will see each other differently because they will be experiencing their lovemaking with a different kind of awareness in a different state of consciousness. When a man purposefully doesnt come, for example, the woman understands that he is saying to her, This lovemaking is only for you. My satisfaction is going to be in assisting your ecstasy, and I want nothing more for myself because your pleasure will touch my heart and my mind and my soul, and thats more important to me than ejaculating. The man offers his lovemaking to his beloved as a gift, and it is received as such. Women are profoundly moved by this gift, and it seems to increase the strength of the relationship, and the power of the love. For many women this experience can be the beginning of the kind of deep psychological healing we discussed earlierit is the antithesis of a males taking his pleasure from a woman, using her in a manner of speaking, and giving nothing back. The woman who has been used, bruised, or abused by men will be soothed and reassured by the man who gives to her and asks nothing in return.

In addition, a man who exercises this kind of sexual control often seems to give the woman freedom to finally lose control of herself. Her orgasmic potential increases with this discipline, and its a wonderful thing for a man to feel he can influence the depth of a womans orgasm; it does wonders for his own feelings of self-worth. So a more loving, less needy sexuality is fostered, and psychologically both partners get a terrific boost.

Another benefit to ejaculatory control is that the man doesnt feel physically wasted from an ejaculation, so he wont shut down physically, emotionally, and mentally after sex. This, obviously, can be of great importance to the woman who is often frustrated by the sudden withdrawal, literally and figuratively, of her partner, especially if she hasnt had an orgasm herself. Even when both do experience orgasms, his shutting down can be disappointing to the woman, because her orgasm has left her with lots of energy; she wants to talk, cuddle, be intimateand hes not available emotionally. In fact, hes probably snoring away. But when a man practices control, he wont be snoring. The refractory period is very short between erections for men who learn to control their ejaculation. Since he hasnt spent his sexual energy, hes able to make love again if he wants to, or if his beloved does. And his unspent yang energy, earning interest from her yin essence, increases. Tantricas have more energy, more vitality for all areas of life when they practice this technique.

Weve noticed another benefit for men when they use this kind of controlthey look younger. If a man doesnt ejaculate there are no bags under his eyes the next morning, his skin looks smoother, and theres a kind of glow thats noticeably missing when hes overspent his yang energy. This benefit may not be so obvious in younger men, but for men approaching middle age or older, theres quite a difference.

In all this, its important to remember that every man operates at a different level of energy; each man has to discover his own formula for how often he chooses to release. Some men can ejaculate three or four or more times a week with no ill effect; others may find themselves feeling a little zombielike if they ejaculate that often. There are just two rules: The first is never force an ejaculation; the second is never stop an ejaculation once it has started.

Most men have tried to force their ejaculation at one time or another. It happens sometimes with extended sex, sometimes even with masturbation, when for some reason a man cant come, much as he might want to. Instead of accepting this, he tries to force itrubbing and pulling and manhandling himself until he drives that ejaculate out. This is detrimental to physical well-being, seriously lowers resistance to disease, and reduces vitality.

There can be any number of reasons for a man to experience this kind of unwilling sex. Eastern theorists recognize a cyclical period in men during which the energy of the sex chakra becomes retrograde in a way, and requires recharging.

When a mans second chakra is so affected or stressed by external circumstances, he may experience what seems like sexual dysfunction or a lowering of libido. The sensitive sexual center can be affected by emotional or psychological tension, by physical exhaustion or illness, by some medications or drugs, and by the influence of the energy centers on either side of itthe base chakra, whose energy responds to material issues, and the navel chakra, which is tuned to power issues.

Whatever the cause, when a mans sex drive seems to be in first gear he mustnt grind it into third. He should allow the second chakra a period of rest, a little R&R to replenish itself in its natural way. He can still delight his partner, build intimacy, and connect with his heart.

Women should also be sensitive to this rule, and not encourage an ejaculation that isnt forthcoming. Some women have the misguided idea that theyre doing their lover a favor by trying to help him ejaculate when he is having difficulty doing so.

It is also important not to interrupt an ejaculation if it has already begun; this can cause a bladder infection, or distress the prostate gland, or both.

There are four levels to ejaculatory control. Once a man recognizes the benefits weve just discussed, and desires to master his ejaculations, he has achieved the first level. Level two consists of learning and practicing specific techniques to accomplish control. Level three is attained when a man has mastered his sexual energy, when he is able to exercise a conscious choice in the matter of his ejaculation. When a man reaches level four he has become adept at manipulating this energyhe has mastered techniques for generating, transmitting, and absorbing chakra energy with the lingam. Let us turn our attention now to level two and the specific techniques that can be practiced to control ejaculation.



A man needs to become sensitive to his normal sexual response pattern, which usually expresses itself in three or four phases. The first phase is arousal, before he begins to anticipate the orgasm. Phase two is the period when hes aware hes getting close to his orgasm. This period builds quickly once its felt, mainly because the man usually speeds up at this point. Phase three is orgasm and ejaculation; among advanced Tantricas, phase three is orgasm, phase four is ejaculation. Control techniques are applied during phase one or two; beginners should start during phase one. The goal of the techniques we are going to describe is to prolong phase two and thereby extend the length of lovemaking.

During phases one and two, the arousal period, all the chakras are affected, turned on, and they begin emitting energy that is inexorably drawn down to the high-voltage second chakra. With enough buildup of energy in that center discharge is inevitable, so the tantric way is to reverse the current, consciously and physically, propelling the now sexually charged energy back up to the various chakras. There are three internal practices that help turn the energy away from the second chakra, and three external ones. Lets look at the internal ones first.


Internal Practices

 1. PC Muscle Manipulation

If you could look up into the body through the pelvic floor, you would see a muscle that acts as a kind of cradle for the sexual organs, the urethra, and the rectum. Its called the pubococcygeal muscle, or PC muscle for short, and because of its significant role in sexual enjoyment it is often referred to as the love muscle. This hammocklike muscle extends from the back and base of the spine, where its tied off at the coccyx, to the front of the body, where it connects at the pubic bone. It is the major muscle of contraction in the female orgasm; the stronger a womans PC muscle, the more powerful her orgasms and the more likely the experience of multiple and extended orgasms. The PC muscle is also of great importance in male orgasms. For the man, a strong love muscle makes for a strong, firm erection, increases the power and duration of orgasm, and allows him to separate orgasm from ejaculation.

Both men and women can get a feeling for the location and potential of the love muscle in this way: The next time you urinate, try to stop the flow of urine by clenching. If the PC muscle is weak, an army of nearby muscles, including the abdominal and anal sphincter muscles, will contract along with the PC muscle, but in fact it is the love muscle that tightens around the urethra and shuts off the stream of urine. To help strengthen your love muscle, make it a habit to do this clenching exercise twice every time you urinate. As the PC muscle gains strength, you will be able to distinguish it from the other nearby muscles. (Further discussion of the love muscle, as well as additional strengthening exercises, can be found in Chapter Nine.)

Once a man has developed a strong PC muscle, he has taken a giant step toward ejaculatory control, for as soon as he begins to experience impending orgasmic feelings, he can clench and hold this muscle in a sustained contraction that will reverse the flow of sexual energy away from the second chakra. Try it the next time you and your partner are making love. As the man starts to feel an impending orgasm, both partners should stop all movement, and the man should focus attention on his PC muscle, clenching and holding it. He should remain still and breathe slowly and deeply until the feeling of urgency has passed.

2. Breath Control

Breath control is the second internal method for reversing the flow of sexual energy. Some very practiced yogis can hold back ejaculation by means of breath control alone. Respiration increases as an orgasm becomes imminent, so consciously slowing and deepening the breath can make a big difference. As the man is clenching his PC muscle, both partners should remain very still and connect with each other with their hearts and with their eyes. The woman should match her breathing to her lovers as he slows himself, and she should visualize with him the current of his energy flowing up toward the higher chakras.

3. Shifting Focus to the Higher Chakras

As the two partners connect during this still, quiet moment they are likely to experience a profound feeling of intimacy, and as they begin to focus on the higher chakras, the fourth (heart) and sixth (between the eyebrows), they will also be channeling energy away from the second chakra.

Men should not worry about the diminishing of their erection. This is bound to occur as the yang energy retreats from the lingam; usually a man will lose only about twenty percent, and when the erection returns, having touched base with its original energy source, it will be stronger than before. Men will discover that their level of passion increases, their erections last longer, and the quality of their loving is enriched.


External Practices

1. The Pull

To perform this technique, either the man or the woman gently squeezes and pulls down on the scrotum, holding for ten to thirty seconds. Be careful not to squeeze the testicles, but just above them where the sac meets the lingam. This can be a very discreet gesture the man performs himself, or the woman can do it as she caresses the perineal area and scrotum. This technique assures that the man will not ejaculate; at the same time it allows him to stay inside the woman, even with a softer erection.

2. The Press

The press is applied to what we call the male sacred spot, which is centered in the perineum, in the area we refer to as his missing three inches of lingam. We usually consider the lingam to extend from its tip to the place where the shaft joins the testicles, but in fact the lingam continues through the testicles, travels under the skin another three inches, and ends at the anus. During lovemaking, these missing three inches respond just like the rest of the lingam; they swell and become hard and extremely sensitive to stimulation. Westerners are often unaware of the pleasure that can be generated with some attention to this part of a mans body.

The sacred spot is distinguished by a slight indentation on the perineum midway between the testicles and the anus, when the lingam is erect. Pressure applied to this spot will turn around the direction of ejaculatory energy in ten to thirty seconds. Either lover should use the index and middle fingers to apply a gentle but firm touch. This technique allows the mans energy to be rechanneled without requiring that he stop moving, or withdraw from his beloved. As you become proficient at it, especially when youre practiced in allowing your touch to extend energetically beyond the surface of the skin, the amount of pressure required lessens.

3. The Squeeze

A squeeze around the frenulum is the third external method to prevent ejaculation. The frenulum, located about an inch down from the tip of the penis, is composed of a kind of epidermal tissue that is similar to the tissue of the mouths frenulum. (The frenulum of the mouth is a highly charged receptor for sexual energy that stretches, weblike, from the gum just above the two front teeth to the upper lip.) The lingams frenulum is extremely sensitive and responds within ten to thirty seconds to a firm squeeze, almost as if to a circuit breaker. Although the erection is temporarily wilted and the desire for orgasm calmed, both return within minutes of resuming lovemaking.


We cannot predict how long a man will be able to sustain active intimacy, riding arousal to the edge of orgasm and orgasm to the edge of ejaculation, but we can predict with confidence that he will get better with practice and that by rerouting his sexual energy in this way not only will he extend his lovemaking but also he and his partner will share a much deeper experience than ever before.

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